May 09 [Sun], 2010, 22:21



May 08 [Sat], 2010, 21:54
damn, that's crazy to see how terrible things are going.
I don't know why people are so mean. I don't know why they act as if they want your head on a spike.
They used to say they were friends and then become your worst nightmare.

I barely sleep at night because of that.
I want it to stop.
because I don't know what's gonna happen to me, if it goes on.


May 08 [Sat], 2010, 7:55

I *warned* you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you *knew*, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little *bunny*, isn't it?


May 06 [Thu], 2010, 4:04
train to Paris (round trip) = DONE
eurostar (round trip) = DONE
Youth hostels (LA and LDN) = DONE
Plane tickets (round trips to LA and Fairbanks) = DONE


Price of the trip (without food, visits and public transportations) = 1100€
not too expensive for 13 days


May 03 [Mon], 2010, 7:07
people are so... despicable, sometimes.
And in this case it kinda makes me laugh.
don't you have an interesting life? 'cause you do talk about me a little too much.
If you have a problem, come and tell me or shut the hell up, and don't come here.
I might be useless, I might have no life... but i rather live THAT than being in your shoes and being fooled.
get a tatt is Ex... trem. No, I still have no answer from the tattooist I want. but that's ok. I can live with that.
On the other hand, I didn't fainted for an itty bitty shit and I didn't cry and complain either, and yet... i got one on one of the most painful place.

so.... yeah, one more time, if you, morons, have something to tell me, then tell me in the eye!

to quote the Holy Grail : I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.


April 29 [Thu], 2010, 0:09
I booked my room in the Hollywood Youth Hostel!
I'll be very close to everything = awesome!

I just need to find a map of the city, not to get lost... (with subway and bus maps too! because it's a MESS there!)


April 27 [Tue], 2010, 20:11
I don't know if I'm right to change my mind so fast.
In only 5 weeks I'll be heading to L.A, and I still have NO answer from Kat, It's freaking me out because I DO want this tattoo!
The one and only who would be talented enough for this tatt is Adrian Gallegos....

I'm gonna send him an E-mail, and see if that's possible to get this appointment.


April 27 [Tue], 2010, 0:09
I spent my day to clean, hoover, iron...
and wow.
It's the first time that my mind is empty.
I didn't think about anything. I forgot all my problem for the day.
And now I'm tired. but... that's cool
I feel a little better.


April 25 [Sun], 2010, 17:37
cut deep into the flesh is the only thing in my mind right now.
I know I won't but...


It's like I have just crashed into a brick wall with full speed.
Exploding skull, and brains spreading everywhere.

Sure, I DO need help.
But am I asking for help?
I don't think so.


April 18 [Sun], 2010, 7:19
Nobody to talk to...
Nobody to hang out with...
I'm Pathetic, and my life is just a bitch with me.
I may deserve it.

I spent 15 freaking long days alone, with almost no one to talk to... of course, from time to time I talked with Pucca, Max or Hoshi on the internet.. and with my family. But is that social life? I don't think so.
I've been more depressed in those last 4 months than I've ever been during those 2 years before that, and nothing can make me smile, not even my trip to California, or being with him.
My parents noticed how depressed I was, but try not to mention it too much, because they probably hope it won't last too long.
And I don't feel brave enough to tell them "mom, dad : I'm depressed because my so called friends started to give me the cold shoulders and I was too proud to hound them, beg for their so called friendship so I wouldn't be alone.
So I left, far from them. Taking refuge in a pernicious loneliness. I tried to send S.O.Ss, and people thought I was only joking."
Every times I said I needed a new life with new friends, a new environment... A real start from the very begining, I wasn't joking at all, I said that because I DO need this!

If you guys read it some day, I want you to know that you don't owe me anything, except maybe, be honest with me and tell me what the hell you have in your mind about me, and then, leave me alone for good. I don't want you to say hello, and start talking to me if you're not gonna spend more time with me, because that's just torture.
I don't owe you anything either though, because everything I had to say about me is right here.

Don't think that because I'm writing things here or there on the internet, means that my life is full of friends, of love, of fun... I just try not to sink a little deeper in the nothing everyday....

I have nothing left. I can't sleep at night and I'm eating a lot more than I should.
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