did i say that i want to leave it all behind? 

February 25 [Sun], 2007, 23:34

today we celebrated ken's & dexter's birthdays! :D
& while they look like your average guy-next-door,
they have a dark secret
which will be exposed today by yours truly.
( not for the faint-hearted )

proof #1:

proof #2:

& lastly..

dont you want to go awwww already? (:

hahahha but anyway!
was nice meeting up with the whole gang agn (:
& ken is the luckiest guy around, no?
every year we celebrate his non-existent birthday haha!

happy nineteenth to our favourite gay boys (:

... & this is why we missed the fireworks

i love potato salad & my cheongsam top (:
&&& i absolutely HAVE to repair my camera soon
it's been out of action since last year!
thanks to esther who lent me hers today!

today marks my last entry here.
very reluctant of course,
my cutesy emoticons & neoprint function!!

but i cant be honest here anymore.
& there's too much i dont want to remember.
too much pain,
too much anger,
& too many memories.
so goodbye to all of that.

you guys know where to find me (:
( check your emails pls! )
& those who really want to know can always leave a tag!

ja, ne!

pardon me, im a fangirl. 

February 25 [Sun], 2007, 14:09


nino was in paris
for the premiere of Letters From Iwo Jima
& this fan, this friggin' girl from paris
do you know how difficult it is
to actually take a picture with a JE boy?


on a side note,
the movie's in Time Mag.'s 10 Best Movies of 2006.
so what are you waiting for? (:

on a side side note,
the main theme song is hauntingly beautiful.

not sure i'm even here; 

February 23 [Fri], 2007, 0:41

-iwo jima was emo emo emo
( which i obviously like haha :D )
i kept sniffing
& i think the guy beside was damn pissed

-nino's acting was superb!
( im so NOT biased okay! )
his crying scenes were phwoarrrrr.
& he's super damn cute!!

not 'cause i support nino,
but it really makes you think.
& there's this thing abt war films i love.
they show how real everything is,
& how difficult it is to actually do what they have been taught.
reality right in your face.

- happy excited stunned NERVOUS LAH OMG.

-vvv happy he took initiative though :)

- now i know how stupid you look while you smile to yourself,
so i will not do it again!! T____T

- trying my best not to be angry anymore,
not worth it (:
( & will have wrinkles lahhh tsk )

- sylvia folds pretty roses!!

-im going to fold 1000 cranes!
1000 cranes = good health (:

-try guessing who is it for hehhhhh bye!

you came along & you cut me loose; 

February 21 [Wed], 2007, 0:56
now spinning; Camera Obscura - Lloyd, I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken

am on the verge of buying my third pair of shoes in a week.

if shopping is a national sport,
i think i'll win gold with honours.

on a happyhappy note,
i booked tickets for iwo jima on thurs! :D :D
poor sylvia has to bear with my fangirl-ing :P
&&& she is now my sensei for bird crane-folding xD
sorry your tu-er is too lousy to get it right!!

& work's starting on thurs!
love the long break,
but...... yeah. hahaha x)

i really think my kor kor is
the best brother in the whole world
no fight okay!

most pointless entry yet but
everyday should be happy like this! (:

she folded up her fears like paper airplanes; 

February 20 [Tue], 2007, 15:01

hahaha im gg to promote this for a month,
starting next wednesday x)
i've to wear a sandwich board ROFLMAO.
strangely excited hahaha.
it's fun trying out new things :D
plus it's 10/hr!
( relax chris im still with hanabi x) )

if you want to know what is it,
wait til next wed! xD

anyway hot topic for CNY 2007:
Vanessa's Dyed Hair.
& i must say my mum handled it with aplomb (:
"yah lah told her to dye purple,
but she say red nicer! so sian!"

.. now i know where i got my ah lian genes from T_T

speaking of dyed hair,
i saw this girl that day with hair the colour of..
seriously, im not kidding at all.
i was just as amazed as i was disgusted.
like how on earth do you get that colour?!

sooooo many movies to catch!
epic movie, protege & paris je'taime
letters from iwo jima's opening on thurs,
& im catching it with sylvia! :D :D :D :D
MY NINO ON BIG SCREEN!!! -squeals :D :D
like finally, after so long! (:

saw victor the other day.
( he's really tall now! )
thought of the basketball-crazy days
with him jason song guang kenneth yijun etc.
how he tried to teach me how to do lay-ups
( & failed :| )
& most importantly,
they always tried to make us a part of the game,
even though ummm, we weren't very good hahaha.

i miss playing ball with them. alot.

anyway CNY's been great
though strangely i dont care that much for angpaos anymore
maybe 'cause im working now?
&& my throat's sore from the pineapple tarts ):
& everyone shld buy Rabbit Brand fake shark fin soup (:

You should face this situation head on
and put out the fire that has been steadily building.
It is not going to go away on its own,
and pretending that it will is only going to cause you more stress down the line.
It's like removing a bandage:
the faster you deal with this, the less pain you will feel.

sometimes horoscopes scare the hell out of me.

i know i still need answers,
so that i can have my closure
& quietly move away.
but the truth is im too tired to bother,
too angry to care.

my saving grace. 

February 18 [Sun], 2007, 1:14

Pain throws your heart to the ground,
Love turns the whole thing around.
No it won't all go the way it should,
But I know the heart of life is good.

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing.
But then your circle of friends
Will defend the silver lining.

happy new year
pull your ear! :D
( sorry i couldnt resist )

anyhows update on last weekend!

accompanied huiling to perm her hair on sat (:

the focus is on her hair
( extremely pretty, photos dont do justice! )
so please ignore my fat spastic face -.-
& we had super yummy zhi char after that!

sunday was meeting up with the girls & ken
to celebrate ah neh's birthday!
had dinner at brewerkz which was only just okay,
but the company was awesome as always

& we had suuuuper good icecream at meidiya after that!
cant believe i never ate before,
the black sesame is even better than our restaurant's!

yay i love my girls, cannot wait for our next gathering!
oh yes pls check your gmail okay!

anyway today is an extremely happy day.
surprised him with some cookies&brownies i baked
( very ugly but tastes not bad okay! )
to express my thanks for the flowers
the look on his face when i popped in.... awww (:
but i was damn embarrassed
'cause laoda they all were around hahaha.

& his reaction...
it was totally different.
i really dont understand
how the hell did i fool myself for so long?
why couldnt i see the signs?

anyhows i learnt alot abt him today (:

been shopping wayyy too much,
got another pair of shoes today T_T
( but they were really damn cheap lah )
control. control. control. control.......
oh what the heck who am i kidding hahaha.

the red streaks on my head
seem to be fading into copper??
but i still love! (:

anyway i like sth else abt CNY!
omgosh i can eat cans of them!!

gong xi fa cai, hong bao na lai!

Don't it always seem to go,
That you don't know what you got till it's gone.

any minute all the pain will stop; 

February 17 [Sat], 2007, 0:32

was waiting at the bus interchange just now when...
girl: hi can i give you this rose??
me: huh?!!?
girl: erm haha i just went on a date.
didnt really like the guy
& i think my parents will freak out when they see this.
so there's no point in keeping it!

yup i got the rose in the end :D
had a good time laughing with a complete stranger x)

out with sylvia just now,
read a lil' at Liang Court
( no Ah Beng today! )
& then headed down to chinatown (:
as expected, it was majorly packed.
but it's the CNY experience! :D
my top is so damn pretty!
thank you for being so patient;
for going shop-to-shop with me (: -hugs

hurhur think it's kinda cute that
he keeps pretending to come out to do sth
when we all know what's his motive x)
reminds me of.... me.
i think he eats sugar/honey all the time -.-
& he is my "mysterious" artist haha

picking up the pieces;
getting back my self-confidence bit-by-bit.
thank you (:

glad to have a lil' break though,
really need time to sort things out
i really dont want him to be an alternative,
esp. now since im at my most vulnerable
& trying to pull myself tgt.
being second choice is never fair.
& the feeling sucks. big time.

CNY in a day!
actually other than my own family gathering,
pineapple tarts & bak kwa,
im not looking fwd to it at all.
i hate entertaining relatives
i hate gossipy aunties!

the lyrics to Patience by Take That
is super super appropriate for my situation now.
too lazy to copy, click here to see.
chris i want the song pls (:
& i hope the buffet was good!!

i really need to improve on my chinese
& i borrowed books today!! yay!!

nothing left here to remind me; 

February 16 [Fri], 2007, 1:23

my super damn pretty flowers,
i love. (:

one surprise after another,
i think my heart cannot take it anymore hahaha.
too fast too furious!
but seriously sweeeet,
very touched. (:
he's really dumb & kid-like la haha.
& corny in a way that makes you want to roll your eyes
& smile at the same time (:

but im afraid of screwing things up..
eh i dont know how to explain
but anyway guess i'll just take one step at a time.

anw. thanks to MY WONDERFUL BUDDIES,
who kept singing "ai mei" the whole day.
thanks leh, really!
but im really going to miss audrey!!! ):
How can I just let you walk away,
just let you leave without a trace

i cant stop smiling to myself rofl.
( but i wont let you guys catch me on camera!! )

go on & fool me; 

February 15 [Thu], 2007, 0:52

slightly flustered.
a teeny bit flattered.
lost, very.
super super super surprised.

i totally didnt see it coming.
i was like OMGWTHMSNBBQ when i saw his msg
& he was really sweet about it,
despite me saying that i still cant forget
& that it's going to take awhile;
"it doesnt have to be now."

"if you have the heart to find it,
you will naturally find it."

damn sweeet.
thank you really,
for making me feel a lil' more worthwhile (:
although i really dont know what's going to happen.

zomgggggg work is going to be nerve-wrecking tmr!!!
hahaha got so much to share with audsss & chrisss too :D
thanks to chris for sharing my excitement! <3

anw. valentine's day was a blast (:
worked in the morning {晴}
( no wonder he was strangely quiet today! )
met peirong for dinner at muthu's curry
& later we met up with xinling & yvonne
( 'cause both irvin & dickson are in the army )
it was a giant laugh fest the whole night! x)
although they kept teasing me;
"cooking up a storm in the kitchen ah"

i wanted to see you so badly,
even if it was just for a minute.
& the only person i wanted to give
a valentine's day gift to is still...
but everything was just impossible.

no prizes for guessing who's feeling dumb once again.
( rhymes with vee-day )

you were an island & i passed you by; 

February 13 [Tue], 2007, 21:47
I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as hugely possible.
And how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you.
And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get or gyms you join or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood.
And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.
And sometimes you could even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.
And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new & you'll meet people who'll make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back.
And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

-from the movie "The Holiday"

this is totally the script of my inner thoughts.
where the hell did i go wrong?

anyway today in a nutshell:
-met jialing & bought a cute pair of shoes!!
but felt rather bad 'cause i was/looked so tired.
but anw. bakerzinn with her next week (:

-work as usual.
& i love seeing xiaoshun & ah yee tgt,
they're like a pair of dumb & mischievious brothers hahaha.
& that pig keep bullying my ah yee!!
no wonder nobody wantd to lunch with him!

-met peh-stir at the bus-stop again! :D

i want to watch protege!

dont know if i shld be exasperated or amused;
my parents refuse to use the things i bought,
'cause the things are too nice
& they cant bear to use them T___T
what on earth?!

okay done im going to meet peirong now;
much as i dont like seeing ah yee getting bullied,
i HATE seeing my bestfriend being bullied >:(