adobe photoshop and goals in life

May 05 [Thu], 2016, 20:05
i took a 3 days course for adobe photoshop associate class at COMAT training from 4-6 may. frankly speaking i've always wanted to take the class due to my interest in website/image design since young but never had the time. taking leave from work was usually difficult and the course is costly. these 3 days of relaxation I felt was a super long i ever did something I really wanted to do and learn for a really long time.. it made me feel like taking the adobe photoshop expert class too. just to spend some time away from work as I really need it.

Almost in a year in a job I hate already, barely surviving but because job market is bad and many ppl are out of job I really have to be thankful I even have a job.

Why did I join my current job? Because at that time i was working as a temp for 1 yr plus and did not get converted to perm due to a whole lot of reasons which would take so much time to elaborate I wanted a perm job. I went in to my current job thinking I would be getting a backend job but instead I was assigned to frontline operations. I was never a fully front line staff before having to face customers all day. we received complaints all day, many unhappy customers alot of scolding and heavily criticized by both external and internal staff not to mention. still i forced myself to do this job because have no other job although i tried to find despite numerous times my husband asked me to throw the towel. I suffered and struggled so much with the policies and sucky system, management was not really nurturing towards me either. environment was political and toxic. some colleagues always scolded me when i asked them stuff, a handful however were incredibly helpful including 2 of my mentors. up till now i owe them a lot as they helped me greatly in my work.

when I was getting a bit more settled down in my work, knowingly the job is still unsuitable in my mind but it paid well and i was getting more benefits than any of my previous job including allowances above my salary increments and gov. bonuses - then so happened I applied for a role in my last company where I was a temp at through a friend and went for the interview. the hr still has not gotten back to me yet and it's causing me to be anxious. all i know is I can only wait and if there's no reply by end of next week, it may be because they found another candidate or I just wasn't accepted by them. i don't want to get my hopes up too high or be too hopeful although the interview went well and the interviewer thought highly of me. I don't want to fail like I have countless times but I guess if i don't get the job then i'm not meant too and there's really no need to think too much about it. i really hope things will get better though even if i don't get that job.

Married life and new job...

February 08 [Mon], 2016, 1:40
More than a year in my married life. Things are great when u spend time with your loved one. Despite enjoying married life, my new job at Hdb as an admin exec really cmi.

Already 7mths into this job, struggling like hell, suffering and really not fun at all. The job is tough, political and environmentally toxic and demoralising. Hubby has been very understanding however work also affects our relationship every now and then as I complain a lot about my job..

A few of my colleagues are very good but of course there are also sucky ones. Everyday I feel so sian of the work, the benefits, allowance and bonuses are good but the job doesn't suit me at all and wasn't what I had expected. I'm unable to apply past experiences, can't transfer anywhere else and the sector is totally unrelated to anything I've done before.

Currently I have plans to take up some courses and look for something more suitable. Trust me I'm freaking tired in looking for a new job but I don't want to suffer physically and emotionally doing something I hate like being cheated into. I hope I find a better job soon sigh.. Anyway happy monkey Chinese year to myself!

the only thing i look forward to - my honeymoon holiday

February 24 [Tue], 2015, 21:41
My chinese wedding is around the corner! just prepared my speech and am so excited. my honeymoon is next - 9 days in kyushu. i didn't tell my colleagues about my chinese wedding, which was probably the right thing to do in order to keep a low profile.

Going to a faraway place with few ppl, away from everyone except husband, away from disbursements and shit work. Colleagues are getting rather political these days.. some kids throwing their tempers over small little things. Don't want to say too much. Maybe should find some excuses to stay away. I might have induced the wrath of my petty new colleague. 1 guy is unable to draw the line between work & personal like me in the past and maybe still somewhat now, another guy avoiding us trying to draw the line between work & personal, the other being petty over small things, 1 girl avoiding us for some reason maybe cuz we unintentionally left her out. Oh what the fuck they think they small kids or what? Well they are sort of anyway.

I appear to be a nice person, but in my mind i'm like WTF?! just pretending to be nice only. Anyway what good is being nice to ppl, you just get fucking stepped everywhere. Oh I wish I wasn't so nice!

And also i didn't get the manager job. Fine if they didn't want me but make me wait 3 months without even asking me to go for assessment/interview is like so obvious they are waiting for the right excuse to give me - i.e. found another candidate. They think i'm dumb. My higher boss also never fight for me, what a letdown, disappointment. Then why am i struggling and doing so much shit as a temp. I just want to throw to the manager, i tried - but she didn't know almost everything. For now she's nice, so still beneficial to me.

Well probably the next step after my wedding, honeymoon & house is settled is to move on to a perm job elsewhere. If i can even find one... getting into govt. sector is so hard, is like my degree is not recognized anywhere and if i apply lower end jobs they say i'm overqualified. In the future, I still planning to have kid(s), so will need a stable job. Need to start thinking more about family then just myself now. My husband is working his ass off, and i feel so guilty i'm not able to help much. Although sometimes i feel i don't need anything else just him, but i also don't want the person i love to suffer so much. I will try my best for a better future.

Dealing with Anxiety

January 21 [Wed], 2015, 19:23
I've been in my current job for almost a yr.
Being a temp job, I a degree holder had to work (actually I ownself decided this) at the lowest level being looked down by all the perms in my current division. My previous department culture was not like this, they respected us, allowed us to join them for outings and treated us like friends. Current division have such a rubbish culture of discrimination. Those managers thinking that they graduate from NUS/NTU are so "big shot" when actual fact they are just fresh grads without private sector experience even, sux in management, induce favoritism and treat lower levels like shit. haha no respect. Imagine I had to put up with all this shit at the lowest level for years without being able to voice my comments freely. Damn it. So pissed off. Putting all this shit aside, the rest of it is actually pretty good compared to my previous jobs which is a motivational factor. I get to go home on time (definately a plus) , there's more freedom and less micro managing. Although I still have to put up with 2 shitty managers once in a while.

So my "juniors" although same level as me but just newer to the environment ask me why I am where I am now. And they don't know how I put up with this shit. Well, maybe I should tell them I went through even worst places before, so this is really not the worst shit. LOL.

So few months back I applied for the perm exec position, competing with a fellow diploma level colleague. My higher boss asked me whether I wanted to apply for the Manager position. At first I declined saying that I was not ready. After that I was rejected for the exec position, actually I even told my higher boss that I was fine if my colleague got the job - I wouldn't mind etc. At that time my manager went on maternity leave, I was forced to work under 3 different managers, 2 of them were shitty, I handled most of the claims on my own without seeking much of their advice - "being proactive" LOL. And then I thought since I was already doing like most of the manager work I my as well apply for the Manager role. And so I told my AD but she said won't get back to me that fast that was like mid of last month. And so whatever. Whether I get the job or not does not matter after my honeymoon I will still look out for other opportunities - possibly a degree level job. As I realized after the career change, I took on a lower paid, lower leveled job but the shit you face is at a different level.

Then recently there was a new manager (thank God) who took over my previous manager job. And I suspect that the covering manager which I don't like is leaving. That would be so awesome as she talks to me like shit or like things are my fault. Haha was quite pissed off but I also can't really be bothered now as she's also not my manager.

Initially my main concern of not applying for the manager role was because I wasn't so confident of my abilities. But after today I realized that I could actually speak up during meetings - just whether I was able to handle my emotions. And I think I would need to practice alot. At today's meeting with LHUB I was actually able to lead the conversation (as my manager was new), I was just so amazed that I was able to do it. At some points I did not quite understand what the other person was saying - I asked her to repeat and then understood slightly. Other than that I was able to speak up about the issues that I faced during the verification and checking process. It was actually really good practice for more of this kind of meetings to come. Perhaps it was because today's meeting was more informal and the mood wasn't that intense.

Then another thing happened which affected my mood awhile, but I didn't let myself get affected further. I think I was able to control my emotions this time, knowing that the covering manager always talked to me in a shitty manner anyway, so I didn't flare up I just anyhow lor. Then don't care her so much. She always like to attitude then throw tempers one - siao char bo. Haha cuz in the past I always let these small things affect me so I just let them affect me and by the time I got depressed/sensitive I would just break down completely. Maybe because I experience a very large set back before when I was @ Rainbow Center - I kenna from my bosses whose expectations were bloody high and they criticized me although I worked my ass off to clear the heavy workload which was thrown to me - I totally broke down and decided to resigned then. Yeah... so i guess alot of things happened making me a stronger person.

Listening to Union J - You got it all

Tokyo 18/7-22/7 (5D4N)

July 23 [Wed], 2014, 21:23
Holidaying @ Tokyo during Summer time!!

Day 1 (Arrival):
Got off @ Narita Airport. Took Limousine bus to Sunroute Ariake at Koto near Odaiba area. Went to Aqua City Odaiba and Decks Tokyo. There were many restaurants and we ate at a Ramen restaurant. The view of Rainbow Bridge was quite nice. Tried the trick art museum @ Decks Tokyo. Started to rain and we headed back to the hotel.

Day 2:
Kasai Rinkai park Tokyo Sea Life Aquarium. Was quite ok. The aquariums were very nicely decorated. It was fun to see the penguins swim from above. Singapore's SEA aquarium was better though. After that we rode the ferris wheel which was damn big. Went Mac donalds for coffee before heading to Aoyama Flower Market Cafe @ Aoyama.

After that we searched for Raagf rabbit cafe somewhere near cat street at Meiji jingu front street. It was difficult to find. Had to ask many ppl for directions before finally finding that place. The rabbits were really cute but I almost caught a very bad flu/sore throat due to my allergy after playing with the rabbits. I quickly ate some medicine and thank goodness I recovered. That area was near Omotesando streets which was something like walking along Ginza/Orchard road.

When done we headed to Shibuya. The shopping was awesome. There was Tokyu Department store, Seibu and Shibuya 109 which was so awesome. Shibuya 109 had so many stores like Cecil Mcbee, Liz Lisa and many many others. Shibuya was definately a much larger area compared to Xi men ding in Taiwan. After exploring the area we ate dinner which was a really delicious serving of hamburger steak that couldn't be found in Singapore. However I got a really bad stomach ache from eating that although it was really delicious. The last place we went was ARTNIA Square Enix cafe. We ordered potions to drink and some pancakes. I bought a small tonberry plushie as souvenir. When done we headed back to the hotel.

Day 3:
Tokyo skytree. Good thing there was no queue when we reached. The observatory was ok - better than Taipei 101 and you could even sit or rest ur arms on the platform while observing the view up there. There's tons of shopping in that area but expensive. We went to the planeterium which was very effective in making you sleep. Haha but awesome technology - one that you cannot find in Singapore yet.

After Skytree was Asakusa temple. We went to Asakusa for lunch. We ate at this Soba and tempura restaurant then headed for the temple. It was way better than Meiji Jingu seriously. That area had alot of sights to see and shopping.

After Asakusa was Akihabara. So many people and electronic shops with so many floors and so much stuff. It was really awesome. I went to this store which sold lots of Tales of series stuff. Were pretty expensive so I didn't buy. Shortly after it started to rain very heavily and we had no choice but to head back to the hotel. Sad as there was so much to explore but because of the heavy rain we couldn't do anything and Seng Heng had too much stuff to carry.

Day 4:
Disneysea. We went around 10 plus. I expected it to be really crowded which it really was. Disneysea is way bigger than Singapore's Universal Studio or Hongkong's Disneyland. The rides had lengthy waiting times and we were unable to go for a couple of rides and missed out on most of the shows but managed to sit the popular rides. Alot of damage done in the shopping. Too much shopping with too many stuff to buy.

Day 5:
The last day we had breakfast buffet then went to Diver's city then Venus fort for last minute shopping and also to see Megaweb - the toyota car exhibit.

Overall alot of walking to do but it was great! Shibuya and Akihabara were way better than Shinjuku area and the trip was better than my first to Tokyo.

R.I.P Tomo the winter white hamster and the best pet/pal I ever had

July 16 [Wed], 2014, 17:14
Today Tomo my hamster passed away.. having been together for almost 2 years. The little hamster had quite a big tumour at the bottom of his belly which grew there for a few months. Nothing bad happened to the tumour but I think Tomo had to go because of old age.

I spent alot of happy times with Tomo since he was a young fat hamster and even when he was going to go he still energetically ate his sunflower seeds. I unfortunately wasn't able to carry him in my hands much during his last weeks as he wet himself a couple of times. I have kept all sorts of pets before: birds, turtle/terapin, chicken, dog, hamsters in the past but Tomo is the best pet that ever happened to me. I took weeks to train him to be hand tamed, it was not easy but well worth it.

Yesterday when I cleaned his cage, I had noticed he was slower moving then usual. He even fell when trying to get up his wheel and eventually just sat in the sand bath the whole time not moving much. This morning when I was about to go to work I checked on him one more time and found him with his back lying in his food bowl. The poor boy looked like he was going to die and he kept struggling to get up. It almost seemed as though he heard me and did not want to go.. I cried seeing him struggle so badly not knowing what to do. After that I informed Seng Heng and left his cage awhile. When I was back I noticed he was not breathing anymore..

So we put him in a plastic box with his sunflower seeds and some flowers then sent him for cremation. We then scattered his ashes at the sea at Pasir Ris.

Goodbye Tomo. I pray that you will have your sunflower seeds everyday in heaven. Love Ling.

a new job

June 19 [Thu], 2014, 22:18
I went for 12 interviews before I landed my current temp job. I'm now 4 months into it. I was scrutinized as usual during interviews, asked the same question repeatedly and then it came down to 2 job offers. One was a local IT SI company (similar to ST Electronics) - the HR seemed to take a liking to me, wanting to groom me. However as the job requirements included HR & Facilities management above administrative duties, I declined it. Although perm but the responsibilities were many and I had no confidence of my skills.

My current temp position is in WDA working on claims disbursements. Initially when I entered I was part of the Manufacturing and Construction Division division. My bosses were pretty good and didn't micro manage. There was a lot of flexibility in this job which I loved and all the wellness. Then came a major re-org and we shifted to the funding dept. The space was cram but nevertheless I was in a cosy corner and had the most privacy amongst the other temps. Although I had to share the table with a horrible colleague, but I tried to ignore him nowadays. Also I don't lunch with them because 1 of them always seemed reluctant to eat with me, and the other is a really bad person. I felt their company would be bad influence anyway due to all the negativity and annoyance hence I usually ate alone or with my own outside friends. Eating alone was awesome though. Not only do you have time alone and so much freedom of choice of food, I could even go for a walk or shopping.

As I'm accustomed to worrying alot (I improved alot already, now I'm a happier person). I know I'm lucky that at least I have a job which is not as stressed as the previous jobs I had although its unstable as its a temp job. Yet I still worry frequently about this and that. I should really learn to relax and ignore the small little bad things as I have all the big and important things that really matter to me currently. Oh well, I always say that but look how it ended up....

time off away from worries of working life

February 05 [Wed], 2014, 21:32
Having left my previous employment at the voluntary organisation, i feel as free as a bird. I enjoy life every single day at the same time trying to improve my quality of life. aware of my health issues Im still happy that i'm not working and relaxing daily. although finding a new job is a truly exciting experience because there're just so many opportunities, i dread going to work again afraid that it may affect my health again.

my breathing problems are still not completely resolved although less stress has greatly improved my condition. i think i have to push myself to exercise daily although it is really hard for my wound to feel unstrained after too much exercise. no matter what i believe this problem can eventually be curbed and i wish I can finally enjoy life to the maximum extent.

dealing with my next job

January 03 [Fri], 2014, 23:22
I took mc on my 4th last day of my current job. My heart was frail and chest painer than usual this morning due to stress yesterday.

Hence i have 3 more days left..
1. concentrate on handover solely
2. complete important tasks only
3. rest dun care

As for my next job I'm looking for the following..
1. office environment in a less stressful and demanding environment as I noticed I can't handle stress well also can't multi-task in a job well
2. best with no reception duties
3. minimal HR or accounts
4. would be good if job scope has some interest to me
5. need a job that pays above 2k
6. non-secreterial job

As for how to answer in interviews why i left previous job
1. looking for office environment job
2. if job HAS NO reception duty answer: did not like to do reception duty

The factors that contribute highly in making me stay in a job are...
1. Boss is good - meaning not micro managing, understanding and willing to teach and not blood sucker
2. Pay is acceptable above 2k
3. Workload is acceptable
4. Environment is okay
5. No need to OT
6. Working hrs 9-6, mon to fri
7. Location is accessible and time taken to commute not more than 30 mins

Things to do after I've resigned and without a job
1. Sort out clothes and clean the room
2. Continue my job search
3. Exercise more and recuperate health
4. Diet
5. Personal improvement - read up more on administrative skills and career help
6. Study and brush up on chinese maybe continue italk lessons
7. Go for massage

Listening to: FFX - Besaid

year 2013 (a misfortunate year apart from wedding)

January 02 [Thu], 2014, 21:28
2 December 2013 my ROM.

I am happy to be married to a guy that I love and loves me. I hope all goes well with our future

My health had been absolutely terrible in the year 2013. I underwent a cyst removal surgery in
april and immediately after my surgery I resigned from my job at kits4kids - a dreadful local special school and also my first permanent full time administrative job after a career change from being a software engineer for 2 years. Firstly being in the IT field for 2 years took a toll on my health. Because of stress probably I developed a cyst and suffered for 1 and a half years. Few people
knew about my health condition. But im beginning to feel every health problem i face is stress

After my major op, I took months to recuperate.. At that time I had found another job at
Rainbow center - also a special school but more towards government/stat board type of
environment. Actually idk whether it was lucky or not but the working environment although alot more comfortable and safer than the previous one was alot more demanding and stressful. of
course this was not good on my health either because i had developed breathing problems before i started the job there. making me want to quit on the first day of work... but i hanged on..
pushed myself.. my breathing worsened went to see a specialist but was of no help.

i hated alot of things about the place - my manager, my heavy workload, doing reception duties all the time, colleagues... it was a heavily customer oriented job not something I an introvert liked. then i was dealt with 2 heavy blows - my work review after 6 mths and a quarrel with my manager over being recalled back during my leave when preparing for my rom. I decided to resign and now i'm left with 4 more days! God am I so happy about it. Although i don't have a job lined up for me but at least i will be stress free after the 4 more days. maybe not true also as I'm the type
who worries about every little thing.

I had made tons of mistakes due to my inability to concentrate and focus, multitask - maybe due to health problems but still I went to work and tried to fight. my colleagues also constantly
pressurized me and made me do their bidding. i succumbed due to being good natured. even my
last few days i can't relax... can only struggle to complete my work which cannot be completed til
my last day. people still stepped on me relentless. i tried to help but kept making mistakes and
getting said and hated by colleagues. lol. what a laugh.

the start of the new year had been a really bad day at work for me today.. i will be free soon at
least and don't need to suffer at this job anymore. everything was just so upsetting and
depressing for me today. to brighten the mood today here are my 2014 new year resolutions!

2014 new year resolutions
1. find a more suitable and better job
2. health improvement - fatigue, breathing problem
3. new house is coming this year and plans for customary wedding

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  • アイコン画像 ニックネーム:"As I am alive, I take delight, not in the death of the wicked one, but in that someone wicked turns back from his way and actually keeps living"