I cry silently.

September 04 [Sun], 2011, 6:33
I stayed up three hours in the arcade all by myself playing car games and hammering animals just to vent my anger and sadness. I did not went home, as i'm not mentally prepare to confront my bedroom after whatever happen earlier in the late afternoon.Once again i never learn, i let emotions take control of me and again i give in to you.Because i love you.

Its hard putting on a facade of mask when behind everything else was just a heart felt full of sorrow. There was a quotation that said "if you love someone, let them go,if they come back, they're meant to be yours." I'm leaving up to fate to decide.

I never thought too, that i was strong and brave enough to walked away before you could even enter the immigrant checking premises. I figure out the only way i could let go is to get myself mad at you.

After you left, i took a cab to east coast park. Still i couldn't let a single tears out. I start to reminisce the times we kiss at the park and the times we stroll around the park at night. It still doesn't give me much impact on the fact that you've already left.

I went back home an hour after that, and here i'am on the bed updating this post. As much as i thought i was strong enough that i had not shed a tear, the scents of you on my bed made shed tears.

I cried not because i miss your presence,i cried because i feel stupid. Because i feel being fool by love. I cried because i believed you, and because you the promises we made turn into dust.

I cried because i hate how promises can't be compromise, i cried because i have to force myself to lose you. I cried because everything hurts me.

You chose to leave and break promises. I chose to leave because you break my heart with the decisions you made, because you never understood how much i needed you by my side, because you left me alone picking up all my broken pieces of my heart, and because of all these, i chose to move on, and i'll never look back now.

I hope you're contented with how cold you turn me into. Im gonna force myself to hate you now, just so you know i do love you but this is not only for the benefit of my betterment but for both of us.

Its been almost four years since the last time i cried this hard.





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