a prayer to you 

2007年01月26日(金) 20時44分
Dear God,

I'm so confused. I don't know whether I should stay in Judo or go to softball. I love both sports but I'm afraid I can't catch up in Judo, everyone has a high ranking belt. I don't think if my body can get accustom to harsh and intensive physical trainings,throws and breakfalls. A part of me still wants to stay, I want the challenges, I want to be stronger mentally and physically. Why does my heart hurt? I feel so weak inside... I don't know what you want for me. I tried telling you everytime but I don't see an answer. How will I know what's meant for me? Please don't let me feel alone. I know you're always watching over me but sometimes I need your guidance and assurance in what I do. I want to give it all to you. I can't carry this. I feel so far away when I'm managing myself by self effort. I'm sorry for neglecting you in the midst of my chaotic and busy college life. Lord, please come back into my life. I beg you, please return to my heart as I open the door.

Orientation Group 37! 

2007年01月07日(日) 2時00分
I love Hwa Chong! At first the first 3 days were kind of dry, you know like academic talks and briefings the whole morning. Alot of people blatantly slept in front of the teachers. I actually kicked the guy's seat in front of me because he was sleeping in manner that I'm sure if he leaned back somemore, he'll hit my leg. So funny... I can't believe I played the obscene carrot and orange duel. Dangling carrot... carrots interwined... yee... I thought the ice breaker games were kind of disgusting, considering the fact that you have to bite one bit of the sour power and pass it to your neighbour in a circle! Sharing saliva is really unhygienic. The guys in my OG are really quiet and they usually like talk among themselves. Anti-social.

Anyway today's dinner was great! For the first time in my life, I ate at Orchard Swensens! Cheer for me, man! Wow with new friends! Haha I had a great time sitting with Jialu, Rachel, Gek Theng and Yin Yue, we were all talking non-stop about stuff. I laughed so much that I got a headache!( thanks to Wee Lic's eccentric behaviour) and I burped really loud because of all the accumulated air! A few guys from the OG's second table turned towards our direction, so embarrassing! But this habit runs in my family and it's true the volume will be worse with Coke. I'm so glad the girls in 37 like death note, jpop, kpop and JE. That means we have common points and we can identify with each other! Wow Thank you God for such wonderful friends who have really made me smile since a decade. It has made me learn an important lesson, that impressions change with time and experience so don't expect too much from people. Let others take their time to let their personalities shine, ok? I really cherish each and every person in OG 37 because you are all special! I do hope I'll meet some of you in my CT class. I'll never forgot these enjoyable times! (By the way, the HC canteen has Japanese Food!)

I love Hwa Chong! God please let me stay with her for my college years.

my sword and shield 

2006年10月10日(火) 21時18分
Many things have passed and I really thank God for it. Without these phases in life, I wouldn't have learnt how to trust and live solely for him. Thank you Lord for blessing me so much. For a great family. For fantastic academic results beyond my expectations. I'm truly amazed by your wonders. Lord I still have alot to do and I feel scared. Because I'm not strong enough to do it on my own. Will you be my strength and guide? My 'O's are coming in a few weeks. I need you lord to give me courage and perseverance to go through it all. Please give me focus, knowledge, extremely good memory and understanding. Dear Jesus please be with me wherever I go, whenever I study, when I'm happy, sad , alone or anywhere. Let me seek solace in you.

My saviour and friend.

"when it's all been said and done, there is just one thing that matters. Did I do my best to live for truth? Did I live my life for you? ... You're my life when life is gone..."

breaking free 

2006年08月30日(水) 12時47分
I'm going to study with all my might for God. I don't have anymore time to waste. I have to get up. Even if some things in the past went wrong, I have to move on. I need perseverance and focus to finish everything I want to cover. Jesus, please help me. I'm helpless without you. I'm sorry for blaming you about whatever mishaps that happened. Please forgive me. I don't want to give up easily or be complacent. I want to be diligent and conscientious. Please help me to make maximum use of the time I have left. Help me to be productive and retain ALL that I have learnt throughout the 4 years. Help me to be careful. Prompt me on the important things to study. Remove all distractions in my head in the name of Jesus Christ. I will trust in you. I don't want to regret anything that I have done. Help me and bless me lord with 6 points. Please Lord. Be with me through it all.


I will soar like eagles, held by the hand of god 

2006年05月24日(水) 11時16分
Yes another 3 more days and I'll be home! So happy to go back to tokyo! I want to thank God for being with me and keeping me strong through all the struggles and pains. Thank you Lord for helping me finish most of my assignments so that I can enjoy my time there without any worries or second thoughts. Thank you for bringing me back to church and for forgiving my sins. Help me to continue to rely and trust in you for everythingas only by your strength and might are all things possible. You're truly amazing and loving in my eyes.

You have given me so much love, peace and hope in my life that I've become joyful in all that I do. Your presence has changed my life, O Lord. I love you with all my heart.

O my soul. Don't be afraid, hope in the Lord. By his righteousness and power, he will strengthen. He will guide. And I will soar on wings like eagles, held by the hand of God. I will run and not grow tired when on his name I call. For the Lord is never weary. His ways are beyond my thoughts. I will trust in him with all my heart.

flying away to Nippon 

2006年03月05日(日) 13時09分
today I just sent Jie off to the airport. She on her way to Japan ! for a delivery assignment but she is so fortunate to have God blessing her with a trip to JAPAN!!! I hope she'll be fine even though she's alone and I sincerely hope she'll have a good time eating all the delicious food and sightseeing Tokyo Tower and perhaps Pallet Town. I can't wait for her to come home ! I want to see all the photos of harajuku and shibuya... and I also hope she'll be able to help me find a nice high school bag and wallet.

Dear God, I pray that Jie wil be able to find alot of nice gifts for the family and nice clothes she can try. May it be an enriching experience along with a glorious shopping spree! May she be safe and complete her task and I pray that she'll have lots of fun and new discoveries. Amen.

Dear Lord, I also ask that you help me find the way back to you and help me to focus on my studies wholeheartedly. Let me not be easily affected by strifes, gossips and other discouraging remarks and incidents in life. Let me know that I can trust and rely on you. Living only in your grace and strength.

I like little rabbits.Apricot Jam~

sadness in some matters 

2006年02月18日(土) 10時26分
I didn't win the thinking day poem competition at all... but never mind it's ok. I'll be able to post it now since it's over:

Breaking free.
By Rei Takayama.

Are our lives dominated by the mechanical march of life?
Lerb Lerb right lerb...
Will life only dwell within the depths of what is known?
Clove Hitch, Snake lash... will life be just that?
Life will be stale if we follow this manual.

What if we were more than what our minds perceived?
This hidden truth must we receive.
Sunshine and rain create rainbows.
Talents and initiatives create opportunities.
Binding guiding knowledge with passion can affect change.

If only we dareto dream,
If only we set that eagle within free.
How will we know how high our eagles soar?
What distance will they cover?
The name of that eagle is Potential,
it knows no limits, no bounds
It leaps for its dreams: To conquer the skies.

Life's true splendour unfolds when we open our hearts
No two butterflies' wings are identical
The excitement and mysteries of guiding life cannot be determined
Will we view life from a different angle?
Every campfire and adventure camp wepartake,
Will we cross the horizon?
Will we paint with creativity?

Take the first step
Let the wind blow away all apprehension
Seize the moment
Time is the lens through which dreams are captured.

long apprehensive day 

2006年02月17日(金) 23時52分
I try my best everyday to live it to the fullest but somehow ironically I feel empty deep down. I know I want to work hard to return to Japan and find my happiness. Just when I think I'm doing fine and happy whenever I look at the starry sky, I feel like crying. It's the feeling I can get from listening to masuda and tegoshi's duet 砂時計(sunadokei).

If only I could say the words I want to say to your heart but I feel helpless and unable to reach you. I really like you. I hope my feelings aren't superficial but they're of sincerity. I wish I could be by your side, I want to know you better. I want to watch you smile before my eyes. I really wish for a chance to see you. Someday which I hope isn't too far away...

Stop drowning. It's intoxicating. 

2006年02月08日(水) 23時22分
Imagination puffs up at every thought of you.
Just the mere graze of your fingertips
sets ripples and oscillations in the ocean of my mind.

With an invisible stealth,
I succumb to you.

Your deceiving charm,

your devious smile

melancholic eyes

a mysterious purple aura surrounds you and attracts my mind.
You come in and wreck havoc with sea surges and tidal monsters
Leaving me basked in silvery tears of the lonesome quarter.
Forcing me to the point where insanity to the brim overflows.





You've robbed me of so much.

But who was there?
Who calmed the waves?
Who rested by my side through distress?

It was you, the wind.
that breathed life into me
restored purpose in a living hope.
you taught me how to race with the clouds
and challenge the height of the skies.
You made me stronger than what I perceived myself to be.

It is you, the 'sun' of the earth.
the shadows shun in fear
because you protect me with your warmth and love.

Thank you Jesus for always being my light and friend through difficult times, disappointment and depression ( the malicious culprits in life). I know that sometimes I get consumed by them or I even let them in willingly but thank you thatyour love is so pure and powerful to wash away all the filth in my soul. Thank you for your grace and mercy in supporting me everyday.

I look forward to your purpose for me.

brand new day=) 

2006年02月08日(水) 15時44分
Emaths and Chemistry test was so challenging... throughout the whole duration, I was busy questioning all the possible identities of the cations and anions. But it was good at least I'll learn from my mistakes next time. I accidentally wrote my japanese name instead of my english name for my literature practice... *opps I hope the teacher doesn't mind. Today is going to be a great day!

Recently I've been busy with composing my poem for a competition and studying. Yah nothing spectacular but my goal now is to improve myself everyday! That way life is led with no regrets and I will always be the best of who I am. I didn't know NEWS is going to stop temporarily for a self reflection period after May, that's so sad... I'll miss Masuda . My heart is not one of flint! hee hee. I'll miss yamapi, tegoshi, kusano, katoh, koyama and I missed Uchi aeons ago...Ryo well not so much since he's always with Kanjani 8 so he's more of a family to them than NEWS. Ultimately, I will still support NEWS no matter what!

NEWS will always be my favourite band. Their songs always make me smile. You know how after you listen to some fun song you'll feel like flying and you feel that you have the strength and inspiration to do your best. That's the spirit and inner treasure that NEWS has given to me. And never shall it be forgotten.

Keep smiling
I love you, NEWS.
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