disconnecting

January 16 [Wed], 2008, 9:37
i find myself emotionally disconnecting, somewhat, from a relationship of two years. i know because i'm thinking about myself more. and when i'm content and being very relational, i don't tend to be introspective, but i have been more introspective lately. maybe this is a good transition. i can't tell. it could be very good because i will remain connected emotionally, but also deal with my own "needs" and think my own thoughts, which seems important. it could also be good if the relationship doesn't work out. and it could also be good because i may have to wait sometime for the relationship to actually work out to end in marriage.
i suppose it could be "bad" though if i end up being too disconnected to want marriage anymore if the chance actually comes. then i will feel guilty even though it would be more his fault for taking so long. but that could also be good because it could make us realize that we don't belong together anyway. but the guilt would come in because i would feel like if i had expended more emotional energy then i could have made it work out. but there's only so much i can handle emotionally.
and strangely, i'm not worried about it, although voicing the "bad" concerns makes me feel like i could worry about it. i am glad to be content. at least for now.
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