cycle of emotions

September 23 [Sun], 2007, 8:32
i feel like i'm in this cycle of emotions, which i also feel like i've already written about. it's just so weird though, because i realize that after 22 years i still don't know how to treat my emotions. do i treat feelings as something that will pass and you just have to deal with it? or do i treat them as something that is telling me important things about what is going on in my life? it's probably some of both.. that seems to be the solution to most things. but emotions are so weird, that supposedly knowing that's the solution doesn't help. the problem is probably that i like there to be solutions to things, i like to be able to figure out what is going on in a situation and how to change it if i want. but emotions are unpredictable. i'll suddenly be sad and then i'll think of something that explains it. and maybe my explanation does work, but it still doesn't explain why i was just suddenly sad at that moment, why it had to be expressed when it did. it doesn't make any sense to me and it bothers me that i have emotions that i don't understand. i want them to mean something so that there's something to figure out and explain. but maybe they're just the way things are

i've never had my emotions so directly affect another person before. emotions in the past were just something i had to explain to myself and deal with on my own. but a lot of my recent emotions are the direct result of a relationship with another person. so how do i decide if these emotions mean something bad or good or just normal? or if they mean i should make some sort of decision based on them? or if they mean this is just the way relationships are and you just deal with things as they happen and of course they're going to make you feel certain ways? but maybe i don't like the way it's making me feel..

i just want to fix things and understand things. but i guess that's not always possible. grrr. thinking about this didn't tell me anything i already know. i know that
i have emotions
sometimes they are unpredictable
sometimes i don't like the way i feel
sometimes i do like the way i feel

that doesn't seem all that helpful.
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