November 05 [Mon], 2007, 17:02
I don't know why, but I either forgot to post this last time, it didn't post, or my computer died, so I guess I'll do it again.

I basically said that I'm not going to post as much here anymore. I'll basically rant about stuff I don't want my friends to read, but write more about my daily life in the other blog, I suppose. Something like that.



November 04 [Sun], 2007, 12:50
I hung out with Ingrid today. At around 3 I went to her house. We just kind of sat around and played Guitar Hero. I was just glad to see her. We went to the mall around 8, looking for some things to go with our one outfit. We played a few games of DDR after that. I got dropped off after that because Ingrid has play practice 10am~4pm tomorrow. She doesn't even have a big part, seems pretty pointless. I was kind of disappointed to go home, I didn't want to sit around all night and day again and be forced to think about my problems.

Last night I wanted to go to her house. At the time, my mom wasn't home, and wasn't going to be home for a few more hours. I called her anyway, and asked her first. She told me to talk to my dad.. I was reluctant to do so, but asked him anyway. He said no, because I hadn't gone to school much this week. But of course he had to say it in a nasty tone and in a hateful way. I tried to be nice and persuade him anyway. He wouldn't listen, so then I started to make my own snarky comments back at him. This pissed him off, as it always does. He took the internet away, and as always, I acted like I didn't care, which pissed him off more. Honestly, doing this to him amused me and made me laugh inside. It was like I beat him, because he'd get so mad if you didn't act bothered. I was upset that I couldn't hang out at Ingrid's, and I'd just have to sit around all night.. again. Then my brother, Justin, and his friend, Ian, came home. They asked if I wanted anything from White Castle. I asked for chicken rings, since their sliders have a shit ton of onions on them and taste disgusting. Once they got back, we were all playing Guitar Hero and they were being retarded as hell, especially Ian. They cheered me up a lot. <3 I was really glad.

My stomach hurts. Last night I was reading about stomach conditions.. It worried me a lot... What if I had a parasite in me or something? That is what scares me and seems so disgusting. Or what if it is a constant problem that really isn't fixable? What if it just keeps coming and going and slowing down things in my life..?
Even though it's Saturday night, I'm already worried about school.
I'm worried about my stomach and I'm so behind in work... worrying will probably only make my stomach worse, but I can't help it... I know my grades definitely aren't the best.
I think I need to see a doctor. More than one kind.


November 03 [Sat], 2007, 6:02
I didn't go to school today.
I didn't even bother setting my alarm clock last night.
My mom woke me up at 8 or so, saying I should go to school even though I'd be late. I was kind of just ignoring her for awhile and she was really getting on my nerves. Finally I just kind of yelled "I'm not going, I don't feel good!" and she was like ok and turned off my light.
I woke up an hour ago, at 4pm. When I woke up, I thought about how bored I'm going to be. I'm just so positive.
Took a shower.
Boredddd. Probably gonna get kicked off the computer in 2 seconds cause I didn't go to school.


November 02 [Fri], 2007, 14:15
God, I'm just about to write a shit ton, I don't even care if no one reads it.
Damn. I haven't updated in like a week or something. I can't count
So I got grounded cause I was being lazy or something
Umm me and Alex hung out a few times. We went to like.. the mall and dairy queen one day. Here's a dumb pic of us. We pretty much look retarded. Retardedly awesome.

Then on Friday we went to the movies and then hung out at Grant's. And cuddled <3 then we walked downtown and got some fewdz. Then I had to go home.

Few days later, Alex was gonna come over after my bass lessons, even though I didn't go to school.. I cleaned my ass off all day so he could come over. When I asked dad in the car, he said we'll talk about it when we get home. So I was like hell yeah, he'll probably just wanna see how much I cleaned and all that. So when I got home I asked him again. The opposite happened. He found out how old Alex really was and shit a brick. 5, even. (Alex is 20 btw) Saying he was a child molester and he could send him to jail and all that. I was like no you can't, we never did anything so hahhhhhh. homofag. Then back to, what if my family found out that I let you hang around with a 20 year old? That'd make me look like a crappy parent! (Always about how he looks). Then he forbade me to see Alex again.
So of course I went to my room and cried.
First off, how is that a child molester? My maturity and body are not of a child at all. Most people think I'm atleast 18 when they meet me.
Second off, when I turn 16 I can do whatever I want with him, legally. The age of consent is 16 in Ohio. That means, when you turn that age, you can have legally have sex with an adult. Not saying I'm just going to go have sex with Alex, but that pretty much says we can kiss and whatnot without any laws in the way. There's absolutely nothing my father can do legally about it. He probably won't believe me when I tell him this. I'll tell him to call the police department and ask. hah.
My dad just think Alex is trying to get in my pants and whatnot. So does my mom on some level, I think. Well you know what, I don't let anyone have sex with me. I'm not that easy. I KNOW he's not like that. I've known him for a long time and shiet. I don't even feel like explaining myself.

So enough about that drama. Yesterday was halloween. I didn't go to school. I stayed up all night the night before, drawing, being pissed. Woke up at about 3pm the next day, after waking up numerous times that morning and going back to sleep. I literally sat around all day. I woke up, sat for awhile. Sat some more. Parents were gone, so I took a shower. I hadn't been out of my room in about 15 hours. I hid my dads screwdrivers so he couldn't unlock my door, hahaha dumbass bitch. leaving them lay around. winrar right thar. Anyway. After the shower, I sat around some more, maybe I fell asleep, I dunno. Then I was listening to music and crying, fun stuff. I had no one to trick or treat with, so I didn't go. Ingrid had play practice late.. I was gonna ask Alex to go with me but then all of this shit happened.
Ingrid called for me. She wanted to know if I could go to the haunted hoochie. Dad didn't believe that her mom was taking us (because I lied to him a lot to go places with Alex) so he called her and shit. And then went off on this thing like he was a nice parent letting me go since I didn't go to school the past two days and all that bullshit. Sorry I'm depressed and constantly have stomach problems, jeez.
So of course, seeing Ingrid cheered me up. God, do I love her. The haunted hoochie is a haunted house btw. It's pretty popular where I live. After waiting in line forever, we went inside. It was so dark at first. Oh shittttt I was laughing my ass off at first and screaming. It was sooo good. People just fucking jumping out of the walls and shit. They were allowed to touch you, too. And chase you. Me and Ingrid were holding hands so tight. We got cornered so many times. haha. This one part it was completely pitch black and there were people in there and they'd randomly turn on their flashlights and fucking make a noise and pop at you and shit. It was fucking scary. Me and Ingrid bolted through half the parts, so damn scary. hah. This one guy that jumped out at us gave us a nod like yeeee and we were all like yee \m/ Like seriously it was so random. He was probably like hell yeah, two hot metal chicks. chyea bitch. Hah. Didn't expect that, though, funny shit.
So yeahh that was fun as hell. <3

Today sucked so bad, though.. I decided to go to school. Stomach started hurting in first period. We had a sub. and I asked if I could go to the bathroom, but I was really gonna go call my mom. She said, "how much of the work did you get done?" "none," I said. Then with an attitude she said, "Well then you're not going to the bathroom." Then I said in yes-I-will tone, "I don't feel well." And of course, in her annoying ass attitude she said, "Well then you can go to the nurses office." "kbitch" So she wrote me a pass and I went to the office and called my mom. She said she can't get me til 9 or 10 cause she had to take my grandpa to the doctor. I asked if she could just come get me real fast. She said ok. After I got off the phone the lady in the office asked if I was ok and I said yes. I kind of wandered the halls for a few minutes, feeling like crying. Just all the stress from everything, and I felt like I couldn't handle school right now at all. Finally I wandered back to class, the bell rang. Next class I put my head down and started crying. I'm not too sure why. Danielle came in and was like whats wrong and all that. She gave me hugs and whatnot. She is such a good friend to me, I love her. Next class I started feeling better, my friends in that class are hilarious, and we're so stupid. Mom came during that class and I told her I didn't need her to get me. She said ok, then talked a lot because she's good at that. Next period, about the middle, I didn't feel well again. Bathroommm. Then my next class is like 18 minutes or something. After that I went to the bathroom again. Then it was lunch time. I just sat there, didn't eat or drink anything. Next class was gym, we didn't really do anything. I bought a drink and had that. Obviously I was missed a lot, haha. <3 Next class was slacking off with friends, then there was a random fire drill. Last class.. I fell asleep. They were doing a test review. I think I should've stayed awake, especially since I wasn't there. Shittt. I just wake up and hear this talk about an essay and I'm like whaa? wtf? what essay, oh shittt. Haha. I asked Danielle after class and she said essay on the test. phewwww.
After school I made my mom take me to the store. I wanted chips XD So random. First thing I ate all day, tasty.
Came home.. talked to Alex for a little bit, then went to sleep for about 4 hours. Nothing too eventful after that.

In a few months, Alex, you will truly be mineeeee :p

Is he not just adorable? <3 So perfect


October 26 [Fri], 2007, 12:34

anyway, today me and Alex hung out.
I had an eye appointment today and he met me at the mall and we just hung around there and shyt. Then we went to dairy queen and hung out there. It was nice. <3 I like himmmmmmmm damnitttttt fuckkkk
I adore Alex.

The concert on Tuesday was pretty great. Me and Ingrid sat around for like a fucking hour or two. It was supposed to start at 5 and started at.. hm 7? possibly later than that. We decided to get food instead of sitting there and waiting. When we came back, some dude was playing his guitar. After he was done some other band came on. Where everyone was playing, it was a small bar. Not many people were there at first, and there were only like 4 people standing at the stage, the rest were just sitting. Me and Ingrid stood at the stage, and the band that was playing kept saying stuff to us through the mic, and dedicated the last song to us, lmao. We're so speshul~ Then we were talking to the band and bought their CD and a shirt.
Next band played. They sounded like the last band. We also talked to those members. Both bands thanked us for standing up and said we were cool and all of that shit. Both bands were pretty cool to chat with, really nice. Ingrid bought their CD. (I was broke.) Then, we realized that So Many Dynamos' (the band we wanted to actually see) table was in the back, so we went back there to see their stuff. The singer, Aaron, was at the table then. He's so adorable. I wanted to buy a shirt, pulled out my money, and only had 8 dollars left. lmao. He was like, oh, do you only have 8 dollars? and I was like yeah D: (shirts were 10) and he said, ok, I'll let you buy a shirt for that much :D and I was like omg really~ <3 heheeee. I felt special.
Then another band played, they sounded like a knock off of the next band (So Many Dynamos). lmao. More people stood up for this band. I wasn't too fond of them, not sure why. Just bleh, I guess.
Fucking finally, So Many Dynamos. Like everyone stood up this time. And for the 4th time in a row, I was in the very front. I could touch them if I wanted, the stage was pretty low and I was really close. I knew most of the songs they played, except for the new ones (which sounded good. They haven't released them on an album yet). I sang along with a few songs. They played search party last, yayyy so happy :P Man, the one guitarist was fucking drinking beer between the songs and when he wasn't playing. Amused me to hell, haha. It was a great show.
My ears were ringing so fucking bad afterward. It was like.. omgahhhh. Couldn't talk or hear. haha. I came home, heard all this shit that my bro and dad went through, I was like fuck that, and went to bed. I guess my dad was doing something with the internet and my brother was pissing him off and I dont know. Dad knocked the fan over and it hit Justin (brother)'s knee. Justin called the cops on Dad. Blahblah I don't know what happened. Justin went to his friend's to stay the night. Nothing really happened, just a big blob of stupid.
So yeah, in the morning, I woke up and shit, and my ears were ringing so loud still and my hair was so messy and gross. I didn't have time to take a shower so I said fuck that and went back to sleep.
So then my parents take away the internet from me and Justin because we are on it too much or whatever. It's all we do. blahblahblah i dont give a fuck.
Today the Marines recruiter came over for my brother. He might join, I guess. Damn sexy ass uniform oh godddddddd. He was all tall in that hot uniform. He was ok looking. But w/e, damn that uniform.
Men in uniform=hot.


October 24 [Wed], 2007, 6:13

So Alex broke up with Ingrid last night..
I talked to both of them. Ingrid was sad. ;__;
I guess she tried to not let Alex go. You can't force someone to like you, though.
mehhh a lot of shit happened. They only dated for 3 weeks.. Hopefully Ingrid will get over it soon.
In a few months maybe me and Alex can date. I'm not going to not date him ever because my best friend dated him for a few weeks and he didn't really like her. But I won't let this ruin our friendship.
Of course, this makes him sound like a huge jerk from anyone that didn't know. He didn't mean to not like Ingrid. I guess he had a little crush on Ingrid and thought after going out with her, his feelings would grow for her, and his feelings for me would shrink. The opposite happened. People make mistakes.
Well, shit happens, everything will be ok.
Andddd~ Ingrid and I are going to a concert together in a little bit. Hopefully that will be a lot of fun.


October 22 [Mon], 2007, 19:14
Ok, so I'm still a little overwhelmed with the information I received last night.
Alex said he was still way attracted to me. That when he was over at Ingrid's the other night when I stayed the night, he enjoyed my company more than Ingrid's. And when I told him I was going to hang out with Rhyan, he got a little jealous.. and started complaining, which he said, he never does.
Then the other night after hanging out with us he had a dream that I died (he told Ingrid it was both of us) and that he only has those dreams about people he really cares about and woke up in tears.
He said he couldn't even kiss Ingrid goodbye last night because he felt it would be a lie.. he told her he thought he was sick.
I always had a feeling that Alex still liked me and wasn't too into Ingrid. I don't know why.. He just didn't seem to click with her as a boyfriend, they still seemed like friends. I always thought they were just trying to act like that around me, but I guess not.
I guess when Alex asked Ingrid out, he still liked me but thought it'd go away after dating Ingrid.. but guess not. He knows he fucked up bad and feels horrible about it.
So I guess Alex is going to break up with Ingrid, say he just wants to stay friends and whatnot. I really don't want Ingrid to be upset or anything.. I know she will be.. She really liked him, even though the affection wasn't returned as much.
It's sad though.. I still like him, too.
Ah, it's going to seem like even more torture now, wanting something I can't have, and it wanting me back.


October 22 [Mon], 2007, 12:15
omg >______>
Alex just said he's still way attracted to me
And he thought it'd go away after he dated Ingrid
Oh, the drama.


October 22 [Mon], 2007, 12:11
Yesterday I stayed the night with Ingrid, hoping for just the two of us to hang out together, like we used to do all the time.. but Alex was with us most of the night. When he left, her mom made us go to sleep (if that was my house I'd be like yeah ok. and then stay up all night). I was probably the life of us three.. I was so bored so I guess I was trying to amuse myself? Not sure. Me and Alex were whacking each other with pillows as hard as we could. Yeeeeee. He threw a tissue he blew his nose on at me so I licked one and stuck it in his face ahahaaaa. That was so great. I was basically being silly the whole time, yayyy.
Man, I woke up so many times that night. I don't even know why. We slept on separate couches because cramming on to one is uncomfortable haha. Then her dad freaking came over early and knocked on the door so fucking hard it woke me up.
I had weird dreams, too. Not really weird, but just a little. Nothing too interesting, so I won't take the time to write about it.
I've been listening to this book all day. Only thing there is to do. I have such an exciting life.


October 21 [Sun], 2007, 3:37
I get porn sites posted on the track back thing on my entries ahaha
thats so great

penis penis penis penis chode lawl

I'll probably get some more on this post, now ahahaha
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