love long and prosper 

January 17 [Thu], 2008, 17:52
i just need to mention how great the original star trek series is.

we keep watching it every day. kind of watching...
love feels so good. i never thought it could feel this right.
thank you T for being the man you are.
2008 will be the year of love and total freedom!


January 12 [Sat], 2008, 17:56
since 3 days ago i am madly in love.

i tried to be so careful with my feelings. but he kinda tricked me into it. he told me he's in love yesterday.
we're spending too much time together, we're losing our lives. its getting out of my hands. i need more time. more time without him and all the time in the world with him. he is so unbelievable. and it feels so right. first time in my life it feels so perfect. perfect.
he's got the best lips... kissing someone never felt so good.
i need more time. i need discipline.
i am so afraid we wont make it. i can never ever kiss or fuck anyone else...

new start 

December 27 [Thu], 2007, 21:51
the reason i quit my job is that this is not my kind of job.
in my heart i have always been an artist. artists were the only people i ever admired. painters, musicians, actors, designers. this is my life. i know it. in my family i always learned that its no good to be an artist, you have to learn a proper job, being creative is nothing you can do for a living. fuck it. this cost me almost 12 years of my life. the only life i have. maybe the best 12 years of it. who knows. now i am free. or exactly in 4 days i will be free .
there is so much i wanna do. so much i wanna try. i will design something, i will form a band, i will be an actress and i will party hard. and nobody will stop me!


December 27 [Thu], 2007, 21:28
it was not until a week ago that i met T again. exciting. now we met four times and its the best ive ever had. its extraordinary. special. we fuck all night long. we fucked at his friends place. he calls in the middle of the night to tell me he misses me. my problem: i think im in love .
Y tells me he must be too, Th tells me to stay away from him cos hes only hurting me in the end. i dont know anything at all. i feel so lost. this is all way to good to ever lose it. its unbelievable. its been four days and i am thinking too much about it.

my new plan:
dont think about the future.
decide new for every day.
do whatever is good for you on that day.
only think of your own life.
and have fun.

old friends. 

October 27 [Sat], 2007, 21:37
last night i spent with two old friends, T and G. this was a total coincidence. i was just about to leave the house when they showed up in my icq. i was so excited to see them again after five years. and it was so great. we talked like it was yesterday, we went to get something to smoke und watched boring porn movies the whole night long. it was the best night i had in years. thank you so much.
and now it leaves me feeling all weird and excited and anxious. it was G i wanted to hug and kiss like back then, it felt odd not being allowed to. i wonder if he felt the same. but it was T whom i wanted to grab me and push me against the wall and fuck me. with G watching. like i always wanted him. back then. i want him so bad.
although he is totally not my type. not at all. but there is something. something from back then when he was loud and angry and they were fighting...
and we talked for hours every day. for three months. and never fucked. no kiss. no touch.
he said we want to meet again. next weekend. I am so looking forward to it. and i am so afraid it wont happen. or we wont fuck. or hes a disappointment. or ill fall in love with him. him. the guy thats totally not my type.
i want all his passion. right now.


September 09 [Sun], 2007, 2:36
will i ever find it. find it. my way. out of this. and into it. where will it go. how long. what to do. restless but weak. so weak. no power. paralysed. sad but true. gotta sleep. not tired. so many thoughts. spinning round my head. oh how much i love that song. same thing i always drift into songs. my life. this must be my life. gotta find a way into it. where to go.

I Saw Saw 3. 

September 04 [Tue], 2007, 22:00
Finally I managed to watch the third part of Saw.
Great, different than the other two but great.
If you liked Saw and Saw2, dont miss it.
Highly recommended.

The Hangmen Rock! 

September 03 [Mon], 2007, 22:00
I went to see The Hangmen live at Bei Chez Heinz today and it was awesome!

Havent seen a real rock show since like 1996 I guess. It was just pure rock n roll and I loved it so much! They just showed me what I wanna do when I grow up.
There were only about 30 people, that was kinda sad. Bryan sat there afterwards, trying to sell tshirts, staring in his teamug... I just thought, man, you were so great, I wanna fuck you all night long. That was too weird, everyone was leaving, so I went home.

Thank you Hangmen for showing me again what we are living for.

Perfect Hair Day 

August 21 [Tue], 2007, 18:30
I went to get a new haircut today. Unfortunately I didnt take pictures.
It was so perfect. L seems to be reading my thoughts. I cant explain it, but he creates a haircut I have wanted for at least 6 years if not forever. Its almost scary.
I am so happy and a whole new person.

Thank you so much L for being so wonderful.
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