February 15 [Wed], 2006, 14:03
THIS is just a day. That was what I told to myself. I didn't need any company, and I would be fine. But I was wrong. When it was getting late, it was getting solitary. I laid down on the bed after the class and fell asleep. I woke up again at 7:30. There was no one in my suite. "Where is everybody?!" I couldn't believe I was the only one stay in the room. I bet there must be at least someone just pretented she was busy but actually hiding in the bed like me. I cooked my dinner, washed all my dishes, and cleaned my room. Then I watched Queer Eyes Valentine's Special for two hours. Damn it! I felt so pathetic. I picked up the phone and dailed 4 familiar digits, to HIM. I told hime I rented a movie and he could borrow it. (Actually I was giving a hint. The real thing I wanted to say was "Would you want to come here and watch it with me?" I Knew he likes movies too.) "What's the movie title?" he said. "The Exorcism of Emily Rose, a horrible movie" I said in excitment. "Well, er...I don't really enjoy the horrible movie, but thanks." I was totally an idiot! Who would rent a horrible movie in the Valentine's Day! "I'm busy recently. Lots of paper and lab things. Well.... ah, by the way, do you like ice skating? I plan to go ice skating this weekend." he said. "Er...I definitely like ice skating. just don't know how to do it though." "O~k~...hmmm...." (which means "I want to go with a beginner.") Well, I believe I can do ice skating if I learn it. It won't be too hard, right? But I think I lost the second chance to be with him. Then, I watched Emily Rose by myself . Gee...What a crap day!
December 20 [Tue], 2005, 4:15
I'm just too self-conscious, too sensitive, too
hysterical, too paranoid, too ...myself.
Yesterday, we bumped into each other in the
elevator. It was a great time at the first. Then, he told me "There is a pepper on your lip." I was so
embarrassed. I wanted to kill myself or disappeared at the moment. To him it didn't matter at all, but I wished he could be the last person in the world
to see me in that situation. Since then, there was something hanging in my mind. I felt bad. I couln't get rid of "it" which I could't even figure out
what "it" was. Today, I saw him twice, but we did
not talk to each other. I didn't know why and I just could't come and talked to him. I wanted to see him but I didn't want to see him at the same time. Tomorrow, he'll head to Australia to his girlfriend. It freaked me out. I knew it from the very begining, but I just couldn't get out of him. After back to my room, although I knew he was not there, I called
him and left words "Happy Holidays, and...see you next year!" I didn't know why to do that. Maybe...things must be done and just let them off.
December 15 [Thu], 2005, 21:45
The session ended yesterday, but I didn't feel any relief because I had TOEFL on Saturday. Last night
I got serious headache due to too much caffeine
and stayed up late . I couldn't fall asleep till 5AM
and which caused my waking up at 3PM today . Sylvie, April and Stephanie went shopping , and I really wanted to go with them, but I had to study
the stupid TOEFL . So now I'm in Houston Hall
where belongs to funny novels and cappuccino , but not the lifewasting test in the snowing evening . Anyway, I'm going to grab myself a banana & chocolate crepe a la mode . By the way, a
group of people are singing Christmas carols outside which makes me hate the christmas & TOEFL & my tired red eyes and not being able to go to NY city on Saturday with Mario because of the stupid TOEFL!!!! I'm getting paranoid anyway... PS, while I was posting the piece, there was a guy walking to my table, sitting in front of me without any pardon then kept stapling his paper together
rushly and saying "FUCK!!" Ha! Now I can see, everybody gets paranoid during final...
*Pictures-Houston Hall exterior & interior