2005年10月07日(金) 0時41分
first of all, i dont know why i started this. so im sure this will be fucked up
diary. but i should keep update often. i got nothing else to do actually.

ok let me start.

i went to see my friends last weekend on 2nd. i was
at bar to buy a glass of rum and coke. and i found
someone in front of me. it was weird but i thought
ive seen the one before. after a few moments i
found out its my ex. we were going out for a while.
i pretended i dint see him. so did he. it was so
awkward moment. after he back to his seat i saw
him talking to his wife. later on i got a chance to talk
to him. we both acted like "what a surprise!!" "is
that you?" kind of thing even we already knew that i or
he was there. we had a nice little chat. about tattoos,
punk shows, old friends and family. and he looked so happy
especially when he was talking about baby hes going to
have one soon. i dont remember how soon i was drunk.
really drunk. anyway ive never seen people with
such a big blliriant smile on its face. im glad hes doing
well now.

anyway, i had hangover for next 2 days. my stomach
even refused WATER!! and i was upset and depressed a l
ot for 2days.i didnt know why or what makes me feel
this way. and on third day, i went to this resturant near
my house and had had coffee and smoked. and thinking
about the day and my past life deeply. it was so
emotional moment. in the end dark depressing fog went
away and disappeared suddenly and i found out i was
jealous because my ex is now married and he can stay
together and be with his beloved forever. and im
missing my boyfriend in a far away country. i was trying
to ignore the feeling inside me unconsciously. but i
feel like im missing my half of my heart without him.
i hope we can get together again soon...
im saving tears for you...

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