February 08 [Tue], 2005, 10:22
I can have my journal on my server right now. So I will move my journal to the new place.


February 06 [Sun], 2005, 0:55
I keep collecting my pieces of my life with my camera. And I keep shooting and updating my pieces on this site, Fotki. It has been almost for a year since I started this own project. But recently, I am about to lose the reason to keep this project. When I started this, I wanted to motivate myself to forcus on what I wanted to do. And I wanted to have a confident of that I could keep doing something. Of course, I still think same as before. But something on my mind seems to be changed. At first, I shot becuase I wanted to shoot. I meant, I could not help but shoot something, yes collect pieces of my life. But now, I shoot becuase I have to shoot for the project... I am wondering it is the very thing I really wanted to do recently...

I love to shoot with my camera. It never would be changed. But I don't want to think that I'd shoot because I have to do so. I like to collect pieces of my life with my camera. It's what I want. And I never want to force myself to do so. I feel as if I'm losing the first spirit for photography...


February 04 [Fri], 2005, 10:15
The day in next week, I'll be his bluejet.

I'll fly to him.
I'll rescue him.

He'll collect my words.
He'll collect my pictures.

Piece by piece.

We'll be surrounded with the blue.
It's our color.

*Kinda quote from airiel song, "Thinktank"


February 02 [Wed], 2005, 11:52
  Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it.
          -- Confucius (551-479 BC)

It's totally what I think.


February 01 [Tue], 2005, 17:33
When you fall in love with someone,
You must become happy only with something tiny.
You must be moved only with something tiny.
But also,
You even must be depressed only with something tiny.

The more the one would be special,
The more things about the one would influence on you easily.

But all good and bad must shows how special the one would be for you.

I would like to collect such tiny pieces step by step
And fill in the album of my mind with them step by step.

With thinking about it, I smiled.


January 30 [Sun], 2005, 18:27
My cat loves to touch with me. Just like a baby. She always wants to touch me or often wants me to hug her. But I am also like her. If I could be with him, I know that I never would not like to be apart. Want him to feel me. Want to cuddle and curl up with him. Want to hold his hands. Want him to hug. Want him to kiss. Want to touch somewhere even a little... Want him to know that I'd be next to him. Want to catch his attention... It's totally what my cat does... The more I love someone, the stronger this feelings are getting. And they'd continue without fading... But this scares me sometimes, honestly...

Now, I miss all these things. I know I could do very soon. But also I know that I would think that I never leave there again once I'll be there... I do miss him...


January 27 [Thu], 2005, 23:33
I really feel bad right now.
I got a phone call from my mom.
I talked with her and father as usual.
But at the end,
I finally got upset with her.

I have a problem with my brother.
Since I was a little girl.
And he disappeared.
I meant, he escaped from everything.

As for me,
He's already been dead.
But as for my mom,

I know that she is a mother.
His mother.
She never could give up
Looking for him.

But I always tell her.
It means nothing.
Because he escaped.
And never contacts with them
For several years.

And tonight,
My mom asked me for this.
To check up about him online.
She has a few clues.
And wanted me to help her.

It screwed me up.

Almost got upset with her.
I know she wasn't wrong.
The jerk is my bro.
But I wanted her to accept
And leave him alone.

He is almost 35.
He should know it.
And my mom should know it.

But I really feel bad now.
She wasn't wrong.

16 DAYS 

January 26 [Wed], 2005, 16:10
In 16 days.

We'll smile with each other
At the airport.

Bluejet'll fly over to you.


January 24 [Mon], 2005, 18:23
I'm not so dexterous.

I need enough time to build something.
Once I'd build,
It's not so easy to remove them,
I need to take enough time to do so,
As much as I'd take to build.

About thoughts.
About feelings.
About words.
About relations...

It's me.
And it's the responsibility for myself.
For what I'd do.
For what I'd say.
For my life...


January 23 [Sun], 2005, 16:33
Hope that you would understand
What I really meant.
and more...
+I'm Yuka
+Human being
+A woman
+And I'm alive
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