after traveling, long fight 

2007年06月24日(日) 22時04分
23/6/07
i planned to find him,i find him late because i want to stay overnight at his home. i told him the things is too heavy so i asked him come down and help me to pick it up. waited for him abt 10mins, he helped me to pick up the things, and said go to have desert and asked me to back home. he asked whether i will b ack home, and i said i can back and i wont back. and he just keep asking me to back! you know what, i really want to stay. and aruging for a while and said back his hm first to put down the thgs since its too heavy, okay! when we've back, he asked me thgs and i didnt ans him and he start annoying, said dont know why i come and said nothing. and he said after having desert i have to leave, he dont want me to stay. and i keep telling him i dont want to back and stay several reasons, at first he didnt let me stay and i keep saying and i dont knkow why my tears come out. i dont like im being like this. . and then he asked me to sleep and said i always said nothing will lead to many problems, blah blah blah. and then finally he let me stay. and asked me to bath first. okay when i finished bshower, he came and talk a few words to me, ask whether im unahappy, i said no la. i keep crying when im having shower, i dont know why it become like this. he has changed, totally changed! before he will asked me to stay even i didnt said a word, but now, he didnt and asked me to leave. im so helpless. and i dont wanted to sleep so i asked him to slp first and he said let's slp together la. i said no la, you slp first la, i dont want to slp right now. and he start yelling me, he said i told him i wanted to stayed because want to accomany him but now i didnt slp, and asked me "what do i want" a stream of tears came out. and then i said ok la, i sleep la. and i asked him dont hug me, because i think ur heart is not right into me, and he yelled at me, he fat pei 4. and said blah blah blah. wtf. and then i sleep and he suddendly doing some pk thgs.


24/6/07
he had to back church, so he wake up early and asked me to wake. i said im very sleepy and he said you go home and rest la. (before i image whether he wil ask me to sleep and said stay at his hm and wait him) but finally i had to back home, fine! he said he will call me. when i back, i apologise to him for my uncontronable temper ytd, but he didnt reply my sms. okay fine! i chat with my fd she asked me to make some food to him, so i go down and buy some food prep to make. i sent him sms told him i got something to give him. and he said he called me when he leave, yes,he did. he asked where am i? i told him im at home and said i go out and give him, and he want to sleep. and then he said maybe he go to Dhill and find me he said he dont want he asked me to give him tml or later, i said the food cant wait till tml, he said he dont want me to come since its too far, i said okay, i will throw it away. and he said im too impulsive didnt think of the other things, i told him not too far la, i can come, and he said no. he said um...and then i said okay la, you back home and sleep la.and he said byebye.
and afterwards i sent him sms told him not too far, i can come and i called him, he didnt ans my call and sms hi me in msn till now. i know he is angrying with me right now.what the hell is that? i want to make some food for apologise. but it turn out? suck..
i keep crying,im so helpless.
i know he is online , he didnt hi me in msn and didnt call me back and sms me, wht can i do?
but i have to stay strong and dont hold him so tight. sometimesi had to let things go.
i dont want our relationship turn to become like this. just hope everything will be okay and fine

my feeling to him have faded.. 

2007年06月24日(日) 21時57分
i forgot which monday is it, i accompany him to have lunch, and he asked me where am i going? i said no a, i dont know i had to stay and wait my fd to give me soap, he aked me to go hm , i said no la, he said no, and he walk very fast and get on the taxi, he asked me to got to his Dhill place, but when i get back there, his brother is in there.so he cannt let me come in. he asked me leave, back home. he helped me to take the soap, and aruging for a while in the phone said whether i will back. he asked me to called him when i back home or finish visting the doctor. i didnt promise him. but i had called him afterwards told him where am i, and sent several sms to him. he didnt ans my call , call me back and ans my sms. ive keep calling him overnight, called him thousand of times,but no response. at night, im crying my dad asked me to wake up and clean the things, i pretend im sleep, and he beat me up, i need him. i sent him sms and told him my dad beat me and i need him, he didnt reply me. im totally disappointed. i know he is angrying because i didnt listen to him.

the next day morning i called him and wake him up, he used a fucking attituide to tlak to me ask me what happen. i told him, i asked why you didnt ans my call, he said because i didnt listen to what he said.

at night, i called him 2times, the 2nd time he finally ans my call, and i asked whether he is unhappy and he said no, he is oning line, i asked why you didnt call me back and he said because he just woke up.

MY FEELING TO HIM HAD TOTALLY FADED.

16/6/07
i went to find him, i forgot what weve did, just rem he said im so gentle and soft


19/6/07 what a fucking day
i planned to buy him breakfast to eat. before i go to his place i didnt call him, since i want him to call me, i travel a long way and went to buy scrub first, after buying the scrub, i went to travel to his place,,i rush to the station and then a man looking at me, so i look back him, and then i want to get on to the car, he is standing right besides me, because its too crowned so i turn to another car to go. when the car is nearly arrive he walked towards me and standing at me back (im sitting at that moment) and i planned to run, cause its near 11am,no breakfast is allowed to buy. so i rush to the canteen, and he is rushing too,,he keep follow me. Im damn scared! and then when i arrive the canteen i found out theres no breakfast provided. and then i hided myself, the canteen staff saw him is standing over me. and then i take a little rest and go. I found out he is staying in 7-11. and walking around. damn him. i called my jerk, and i told him i let a man follow, he just ask why i came so early and didnt tell him, and asked me what did the man look like, ask me whether he is following me. and then i said i come to ur hm first and tell you, he didnt said he will come down and accompany me to back.
When i get back, he didnt hug me and asked whether im okay , he just asked what did the man look like and why dont i call him. you know what, im very depress,and scared! but he didnt asked me whether im okay, i didnt talk much to him and show him. he said he dont know why i come, he seems very angry abt this. my feeling to him had faded. im totally disappointed. i asked him why he didnt said he will come down and pick me up, he said because i said i come and talk. and he said when he come down, that man had leave. what a jerk is he? my tears came out.

up and down 

2007年06月04日(月) 23時09分
2/6/07
In the morning I wait till he called me. Course yesterday he didn’t call me back so I don’t want to call him. Ho yeah, he called me finally; he said he want to see me. And asked me what am I doing? Then I went to find him, he told me his brother will come and I ask maybe I go away la when you brother come, and will that be a problem if I stay here. He said okay la. After lunch went to his home and take a shitty rest. He asked me why I become so cool, ask me whether I don’t love him la. I said no la. And later we went out together and find his brother. This is the first time for me to see his family, no bad. But at first I think his brother is so cool, seems don’t want to see me. And then it seems better la. Then we two went back home and had a shitty moment, he really didn’t sleep. Hahaaha, he asked me to let him sleep and I said no. course before he has made a promise said if he sleeps, I can do whatever I want. Hahaha..very happy, although I know he jokes with me, he said let’s marry when im 21 years old. And I asked him a stupid question is he don’t love me la? He said of course not la.. He said he loves my character, and he said although sometimes I “fat pei hei” but I still treat him so good and he said he will give all his things to me. Keee,yes I know it’s a joke but it did cheers me. At night, I don’t want to show him and he don’t want to show me too and I told him I don’t want to back home I ask him let me to stay overnight, he said no. I kept crying. I beg him, he still said no, he said if I do this, I will even make the problems worst. Okay fine, I went back home, chatted for a few minutes, and I online, he said I’ll always by your side. At night he asked me to cheer up and said chat tml


3/4/07
I called him when I wake but he didn’t wake and chat in a bad attitude only 17 seconds. And then he called me back and asked me whether I had unhappy and said call me later. He didn’t called me later on only chat some words in msn. He told me that his salary is lower than others so he has to leave…and so on. At night, he didn’t call me.

4/4/07
Lunch with him, he asked me where will I go, I said I don’t know a. I don’t want to back home and come back to take the soap, and then he said go to his home by taxi. I asked him whether there is anyone at home, he said should be no. however, when his brother is in there. So I cant go and he called me to back home and asked me to listen to him, not to stay for a long time. I keep saying no no no. he said please listen to me. And ask me to call him when I arrive home or visit the doctor. And then I go fooling around in plaza myself, I called 6 times he didn’t ans my call. I sent him 2 sms, he didn’t reply. What the hell? Will he call me back? I want to know what’s going on? Is he saw me in plaza? Please call me back!!! If he wont call me back tonight, I will simply switch my phone off. I cant tolerate him anymore!!!!! He is such a bugger jerk!

gonna switch job 

2007年05月26日(土) 1時29分
what a big "suprise"..he didnt call me after he off duty, i do think he is being freak again,finally, he called me at 23:24..he told me he really gonna switch to another place to work. He said he had sign the contract already. Whn i heard this, my tears non-stop came out,i really dont know what can i do, what am i able to do, can our relationship keep going on, how about my studies. huh...loads of quesions came up from my mind. I guess im crazy,,non-stop crying, non-stop moaning! now ive clam down a bit, WHAT CAN I DO? life is really full of "mo loi".. damn shit..i guess im going to collaspe..no one can help, nothing can help.

long pluse friday straigh action 

2007年05月04日(金) 23時01分
17-19/4 i forgot what we've did..

20/4 he called me when he went out..i asked where are you going?he said he went to shatin and have dinner with his frd..okay.this is the first time he told me where will he go after work..good..and he called me when he travelled home..today he was quite good..

21/4 actually i forgot what ive did..i guess i went to his home and find him..

23-26/4 forgot what weve did

27/4 i stayed and help me to work,,and i dont want anothers to help him..so i told lies..huh..bad gal.afterwards he didnt said any thankyou words to me but to joanne.what the fuck..and i called him asked whether he still need my help he said no..and sent me an sms said thanks,,he bet im having dinner with my fd..and after he off duty he called me..(but i did sent him sms and call him for a few times)

28/4 i went to him home and find him..shit..dinner and went back home..actually i forgot what we've did

30/4 at night i went to find him and stayed in his house for overnight..he accompanying me to have dessert,,yoooo..he let me choose the one i want to eat this time..then watch tv and shit and sleep..

1/5 have lunch and watch vcd for a while..he asked me why i always seems didnt want to accompanying him when he slept..actually im not..then he slept for a few hours..bored me..and he said sorry to me because he bored me..hahah..i took his sleep face photo

2/5-3/5 forgot what we've did

4/5 today i had my exam,,he didnt sent any sms to me and encourage me.,,a bit disappointed..afterwards i told him i finishded he reply me and asked me ok ma? then i've sent an sms(12:02) back to him..he didnt reply and called me at around 13:26,,only said a few words and i asked him to call me later since i dont want to bother him when he is having lunch..he said "ho a".but now..he didnt call me back..i called him for several times,,he didnt ans my call.. i wonder what is he doing ringt now..every friday his action is super straight..he wont ans my call!!!!!1i hate him..i hate this action..please please please call me back as soon as possible and dont do this kind of things anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!im super super unhappy about that..will he call me back?can i see him on tml?i wonder,,huh.please!!!!!!!!

it seems he dont want to treat me as good as he can..why i always treat me as good as i can,,even better than i treat myself..but why dont he paid off? holy shit..you are suck..you are such a jerk..

birthday plus afterwards entry 

2007年04月16日(月) 0時13分
10/4/07 ive stay in the street and keep waiting for him for at least 1 and a half hour..wtf? then accompanying him to have lunch,,he asked me whether im unhappy..actually ive a little bit angry but I felt more tired than unhappy..after lunch,,he asked me to choose birthday cake,,I said no la..he said he wanted to buy it in the early time..but he’s in a hurry..so didn’t.oh..let it be..ive get used to it..then we traveled bus to gold coast. On the way I pointed to him there have triple o’s to eat..he said he get off the bus and buy me..ho mo?i said no la oh..arrived gold coast hotel,,shit..then went to hotel’s canteen to have buffet,,he asked me what meal do I want,,I said “mo saw wai” la..he said im too “lo to” always gave him this ans..he said next time I should answered “do you want to have this too?”ok..fine..hahah..very hapy..that man sang a birthday song to me..to pre-celebrate my birthday..and he sang 2 love songs to us..ive took photo with him..after dinner,,went back and take a little rest,,I asked him whether ive got a birthday gift and whether he’s plan what are we going to do.he said no..he said if we stayed today don’t need any gift and what plan.if we don’t got any argue and don’t do anything let others upset we’ve happy..hahah..but no birthday gift is given. And then went to the beach ate haagen dazs..he counted down with me and sang a birthday song to me..took a video.then weve went back to the hotel..shit..

11/4/07 not feeling well in the morning,,he said im too lazy not get up and take the bag.i gave the dior gloss to him..he keep it for me….hahha..huh..really not feeling well..he helped me to buy the “medicine oil”..and went to his home..on the way I bet ive lost my wallet..scared me..and I felt he has a little bit angry..take rest in his home and went to have lunch,,,and rest again,,oh..really not feeling that well..went to visit the doctor..Oh..ive got ill..shit..ate congee at night..how poor am i..birthday meal cant eat thai food or Japanese food..at first weve plan to have thai food or Japanese buffet..when Im eating congee ive really want to eat “yau ja ghost”..he said I should asked for!! And he’s got a bit angry about me..and then went to his home and take a little rest and went back home..

Anyway.,,ive got a memory birthday with him! The first time..i hope it will last forever!!

12/4/04 he called me when him arrived home.only chated for 3mins..

13/4/07 didn’t called me..ive called him atnight..chatted for a while..he said he will call me later on..but he didnt..

14/4/07 miss him so much..i went to find him..at first he said he had to go to work..but at last..he said he accompanying me..so didn’t. he just keep sleeping and playing computer when we stayed together,,how shit he was..he said he love sleeping more than shit..okay..fine..have dinner later on,,and went to his home and watch tv,,he keep playing computer..how shit he is..and then went home..he didn’t called me when I leave..before he used to called me..but this time he didn’t

15/4/07 he is suck a shit..he didn’t called me in the whole day…I don’t know whether he will miss me..just chat in msn for a while with him..i hope he will show more care to me!! And he will call me when I need his call!huh! hope so

a long long entry 

2007年04月16日(月) 0時10分
1/4/07 at night,,I called hm many times,,keep sending him msg in msn,,sent him sms told him ive got something to tell him..i guess he realize Im too annoying so he sent me sms said he’s having dinner call me later,,at last,,he did called me..but he didn’t talk much,,still acting very cool..i asked him not to act cool,,he said as you like,,just chated for a while and he said he called me later, and then hang off the phone. Later I saw him online,,I hi me,,he still acting very cool..i said I will love each other,,he said tell me when you can do it..didnt called me at last.

2/4/07 ive sick,,early leave from sch. He realize it but didn’t care about me. I called him when he during lunch time,,he just said a few words and acting cool. He didn’t called me at night.

3/4/07 he called me in the morning asking whether im okay,,I asked him whether he is angry and he said no.fine!! didn’t called me at night..

4/4/07 in the morning,,he called back me..asking where am i. but he realizing Im going out,,he just hang off the phone. After that, I called him many times,,,but he didn’t answer my phone. He called me at around 17:20 said a few words and asked me to call him when I arrive home. I did call him when I arrive home, but he is acting cool..said a few words and hang off the phone.

5/4/07 forgot what ive done.

6/4/07 he’s date me at 14:50 but he arrived at 15:30 shoot..ive waited him for a long long time. Accompanying him to have lunch,,he bet im sending sms and said ive another guy outside(but I didn’t!) after that do some shopping in double park,he said I buy those expensive clothes. And then went to have seafood, after that,,I said very cold..he suprisingly hug me..hahaha..felt very sweet..then went to his home and stay overnight,,,shit..

7/4/07 shit,,,,,,went home at night

8/4/07 forgot what ive done

9/4/07 forgot what ive done

i just keep crying 

2007年04月01日(日) 20時12分
today's morning i went to his home coz i bet he is unhappy and he didnt answer my phone call..and then when i arrived his ome..he just answer my question in a very unpleased way..and said why i am so implusive to coome and find him and he said he've answer me he's okay..and then i felt very unhappy and i said okay..i will leave he said he want to accompanying him to sleep and then started off i tried to cry..becpz i felt i am too stupid mind..why i travel so far and he just rreast me in this way..and then he "tum" me..and then okay..we've okay..after that..i played with him..and i lose ..and then i said "cher..lei dou ng joi ngo" and he said i am a hk gal..huh..i am so angry and then i rushed out of his house..and he didn't asked me not to leave and he didn't called me..i called him amny times..he didn't answer my called didn't sent me sms didnt hi me in msn even he saw me..i don't know what can i do?i don't want to break up with him..God please tell me what can i do?what am i able to do?can u treat me in a nice way? please please please let hard time pass?

i cried so hopelessly,,,,,,,please please please please find me okay?????????i've really really tried vey ahard to keep our relationship but why don't they paid off???????????im totally collapse..

and my brirthday is coming..why u treat me in a harsh way?

hahha,,it's ok 

2007年03月25日(日) 22時19分
saturday,,went to his home in the morning,,,shit....failed to do..when i am replying sms,,he thought that one is a boy..and he said i am too secret..don't know why i am so secret..and then i answer him that's my fd..and he ask me whether that is a by or gal?i didn't gave any respond..andthen he though i am being with that boy and then blah blah blah..and i said before u met your ex-gf and gave her back ur phone..u said why i dooubt him..and he said jhe just gave her for a sceond..no other meaning at all..but he said me doing like that..after taht,,he said he need to claim down for 10mins...and then he asked me who that guy is and then blah blah blah..he seems very unhappy about it..he said he can't be that happy and should he said "wawa..so great..sent him sms)..he said next sat accompanying me to shopping ..hope that's true..had dinner together and then went striaight home..at first he said he will accompany me to back home..but ofcourse,,,at last he didn't ...he just talk in high-sounding tone..


today(sunday),,went to watch film with him..he is better than before..he hold my hands while watching the film..and hug me for a while..after that he accompanying me to wait the bus back home..but he still didn't call me till now..

i dont know.. 

2007年03月23日(金) 22時28分
monday,,,called me at around 23:45..chatted for about 2mins

tuesday.,,called me when he on the way home..chatted for 20minss..

wednesday,,,called me when he on the way home..chatted for 20minss

thursday,,,callled me when he on the way part time..chatted for 17mins..didn't call me when he off duty..

friday (today),,,in the morning i called him many times but he switched off the phone and ii sent him sms and told him i can't called him..he didn't reply me..at night i called him nmany many times,he didn't answer my call and didn't call me back..what the hell is it?????let it be..just leave hi alone..set him free..maybe if we can't see tmli just stay at home and study!!i need to BE MYSELF!!

太在乎,就什麼也得不到

最簡單的方法,就是不去在意。
對自己好一點,努力追尋自己的理想
不斷的充實自己,為自己的將來做準備

開始可以跳脫這個泥沼,用更客觀精準的眼光
看待彼此之間的關係
不再動不動就心情低落,不再被對方牽著鼻子走。
因為你知道,世界不是由他構成的。
即使失敗了,也還有很多值得去追尋的目標。
P R
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