One year and a month later... 

2014年12月16日(火) 11時35分
Last time, I failed.
This time, I WONT.

I'm worthless...

Four months later... 

2013年10月27日(日) 11時13分
The idea of leaving this world keeps living in my head,
It becomes stronger and stronger every day....
I'm giving myself one more week to see if there's something that
makes me change my mind.
Right now, at this same second, I just want to sleep forever.

I was going to do it this afternoon,
But then, I thought that there are some things I need to do first.
So, one week is enough...

I would lie if I said that there's no hope inside me.
But everyone is so happy without me.
So, what's the point of being alive??
I can't live for myself, so what's the point if no one needs me?

There's no reason to be alive;
I don't like to go to the university anymore,
it's a nightmare.
I don't have any friends to go out with...
I don't have any money...
I'm not good enough to do what I want to do...
I'm not even pretty or smart.

You can't argue with me when I say that I'm worthless,
Because you can't see what I'm seeing right now
And you can't feel what I'm feeling right now.
And since what I feel is the important thing here...
There's nothing you can do about it.

I'm way too broken.

I have some pills, and I need to get some more.
I want to die in my sleep.
It will be the easier way...
I can never sleep so it will be wonderland for me.

I'll be able to sleep peacefully, finally!!!
What a happy ending for me!!!!

So, here's the plan...
I get some more pills,
maybe some alcohol,
and some other things done...
I'm kinda smiling right now,
All my hopes are placed in this week's events.

If there's anyone out there,
that wants me to live for them...
If there's anyone out there
that truly loves me

Let me know before it's too late...

Haha, it's funny because this blog has zero visits apart from me...

Okay! So, one week from now.

Lost All Hope - Committing Suicide 

2013年07月05日(金) 11時58分
I've been thinking of doing it for about a month now. I've searched for the
internet trying to look for a painless, clean method. Something that I know
won't fail. I don't want to pass out and wake up two days later, then my
life would be even worse.
I want to do it for real, for ever.

Am I running away? Yes. But you know what? I have been through a lot of
shit and I don't have any strength anymore.

Now, what's the problem then??? I'm a pussy.

WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK?? What the hell do you have to do when you
want to die??? It looks so freaking easy from the outside...

I just know that I'm here, still breathing, with a broken heart,
with low grades, feeling like a loser, with almost no friends, without
money and with a huge record of failures.

I don't even have any motivation now, even my biggest dreams
are far away...

I'm going to miss music a lot...
And colors...
And some people...

I'm just mad because I'm a failure and there are buried people
now that could have had a wonderful life, smiling all the time...
I can't do that.

I just want to leave this world, that will make me really happy.
Why won't you let me go?


2013年04月10日(水) 21時49分
I dislike him sooooo much! What happened to you? You used to be so nice and sweet last year...

Sakihokoru Hana No You Ni 

2013年03月31日(日) 3時23分
If you're trampled on, If you're pulled out.
You can blossom again, just keep on believing in it.
Even if it doesn't rain, even if the sun doesn't shine on you.
Look calm, like you don't care.
If you're lost just ask someone, if you've lost sight of your dreams
just close your eyes again.
And someday you will blossom, with your hands wide spread.