omg!!!
2010.04.17 [Sat] 02:10

行ったところが多すぎて、書きたいことが多すぎて
書く時間が無い><

時間が沢山できたときに更新します!

Dear Maito....
2010.04.10 [Sat] 02:43


i hope my EX-BOYFRIEND read this and understand me.....
if you read, can you leave a comment..... please!!!!!!


its soooo hard not to think about him...
i know i should not be thinking about it anymore, but what if i cant do?

now, its totally out of my mind....
i have no more space to think about it in my brain.
but i just cant get away from it.....i know,

i just continue, continue and continue.....
again again and again....

its me who said it lets break-up... but... but but.....but...
i feel so bad, again... haaaa---.....
and also i feel so lonley.... did i do the right thing?-maybe

but who really knows?
if you say there is a god for us, maybe you can say that he knows
but since i dont believe in god at all,
i dont know who to ask about this....
maybe i should ask HIM, not someone just next to me.
even its really hard for me to do

BUT i dont have any courage to send him a message,
since i said really terrible things to him
i dont mean he was always right, he sometimes made mistakes
and so do i.
i also made mistake, again......

i was so frustrating these days.....
actually since i come to tw, i always had think kind of feeling
i had this little by little everyday, and on that day.....
it just blasted......and i even didnt know what i was writing
coz i didnt review befor i sent it to him
i guess i took him stress out on......

i dont think he never understand me, even i explain well
maybe he cares about me,
but too much caring sometimes could makes ppl angry....
coz even you care someone, but sometimes you cant do anything to them,
and you say you care about me you care about me you care about me....
but that changed into kind of stress for me
kinda.....um pressure....
i just couldnt handle it...it was....yeah too much for me.....

i know you loved me (or still love me...?) but.....
since i said that kind of thing...... im not so sure about his feeling to me...

and actually....i dont know i love him or i dont love him anymore...
i do feel lonley sometimes and i think about you
but this does not happen for every single moment that i have

it happens like....
when i see some coupls holding hands, or having good moodi
i always think about him....
this is true, i really think i want to have someone next to me smiling
and i guess thats HIM.....not just "someone"......

this morning and last night and last-last morningi was crying soooo much
that you could never imagine
i was listening to some songs and i....i simply couldnt stop crying.......
the songs reminded me some of our good memories
and that makes me to think like i still love him so much

but when i re-read some e-mails, i just cant think like.... i still love him....
i dont know how to say this feeling.........


I LOVE HIM but at the same time I HATE HIM

love and hate....i wonder
is it possible to have these two very different emotions at a moment??

i want to talk to him online! not only chat.....
if you are my ex-boyfriend.......
send me your msn address to me again, coz i deleted.....
i want to talk to you, really. PLEASE

つかれた
2010.04.07 [Wed] 17:52






つかれた。





「しんどい」、「こわい」、「おもしろくない」、「ふあん」、「しんぱい」、「くやしい」





台湾にきたらこんなん考えなくていいのかな…ってココロのどっかでおもってた





けど…実際はその逆。




日本にいたときよりも考えさせられる。




はぁーため息ばっかりついてるわ、今日。




友達にも顔色悪いよと5人以上から言われるとか・・・w




何がこんなにも私を追い詰めてくるんだろう???




ここ数日身体の調子がどうも良くならない…




おなか痛い・吐き気する・頭痛い・めまいする・白髪増えた・肌カサカサ




それに体中なぜか青あざだらけ…足に大小あわせて10個ぐらい・腕に4個ぐらい・腰に1つ。




打った覚えどれもゼロ。




気がついたら体中が痛い…。




つかれた。とにかく疲れた。
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