coward 

2008年10月06日(月) 16時11分
I'm afraid of being hated.

I'm just afraid.

I like him. But this is not special feeling.

I don't think I can forget about it.

I am coward.

I really am.

I always pretend a person who nobody hate.



In the case of Kita, I was feeling same just as now.

I was crying all the time.

And i am crying all the time.

Now I realize that I am really coward.

It was unconsious.

(sigh)...

I have to give up trying to get his feeling.

bye bye.

your last "Thank you" made me cry in bad meaning.

Thank you.

I never hate you.

GOOD NIGHT 

2008年09月09日(火) 10時31分
I wish there was not unhappy incident.

I wish I could turn back a hand of a clock.

I wish...I still wish...

I could talk to him enjoyably.

What am I suppose to be?

I can do nothing.

(sigh)

I want to forget him!!!

It will be past 1 year end of thins month.

It was the last time that you said you liked me.

Does he remember?

I don't think so...

Since then, he never smile at me. never.

And he never say anything to me.

BUT! ANYWAY!

I decided to forget about him, everything.

So, this is just to calm myself down.

See you. Good night, Yuki.

different 

2008年09月05日(金) 9時52分
I think this world is kind of war.

If i said this to my friend, they would say "No, take it easy."or something

That's why I never say such a thing to them.

Because it's my real opinion.



I want to be a sophisticated woman.

So I always have to have tense.

Don't forget my purpose.

I am different.

fantastic night 

2008年08月19日(火) 21時04分
I am happy tonight.

These days, I don't really speak English.

But tonight I could have opportunity to speak with Jun.

We talked a lot. It was really fun.

ah, and also today i've got a invitation for dinner! from Alexas(I don't really know exact pronounce though,hehe)

That'll be Thursday night**

But, Actualy I am nervous...

Cause there will be more than one Japanese...

I don't wanna speak English in front of Japanese...

Especially good speaker!! Oh my...(sigh


But, think that discipline! Yes!...No...LOL

o it's just painful..

I just couldn't ruin his kindness...That's totally Japanese custom..

Anyway, that's much better than nothin'!

so i have to thank him.




And ...what else is going on..

a, I decided to go to Cafe and Bakery and any other places that I've left my Resume before.

And I'll try to talk them into taking me on there!haha!

Today I went to one Cafe around...tram stop30 or somethin'?

That owner was really pleasant!really kind. And one stuff(yummy guy,actualy.LOL) was too as well.

I wanna work there.

But I am not sure if that was just pretending or not.

mm..whatever!

What I have to do is just be persistant!!yes!

I'll keep trying!

AND!

I'll play the piano in the city library tomorrow, I swear!

I just can't stand not to do play that in front of the piano!

That's a hell!


So I'm looking forward tomorrow.

I'm also going to have lunch with my friends.

That is cool, isn't it!?



good night.

MEDICAL HERB 

2008年08月11日(月) 18時28分
How long...Do I have to wait?

How long do I have to keep crying?

How long do I have to keep thinking?




Nobody tells me.



I still like him? or not?

I don't know.

Do you know?



JUST...

What I want to do is just talking with him enjoyably.

Not too much..is it?

otherwise, please let me forget about him, gosh.

I wanna hate him.

But I can't. I don'r know why.

I think...I am beautifying him and memory with him.

That's why I wanna see and talk with him.

Then I can find that from inward.





When do we strated to being out of gear...

I can't forget this last 1year(and from now on as well) FOREVER.

I mean it.



Thank you for your good lesson.

I would behave better than before.

ahgn...I wanna hate you. But I can't, obviously.

I LOVE him???

NO WAY!

I think I like him more than boyfriend or something.

I hate you...

Sweet mom 

2008年08月11日(月) 8時05分
Dear sweet Mom.

Hey, how are you doing?

I hope you are in good.

These days, I often think bout my sister...and myhouse.



She have gotten married, and she moved in thier house.

I wonder if her room is empty.

if so, That's so disconsolate..isn't that?





Were you happy in your life time?

I think I wlii never know the answer of that.

But I really hope your happiness.

You had a horrible time with your hasband.

...Owing to protect us.

However you kept smiling.

Now I think you felt so lonely.

There are no friends who knows you for ages.

And you could't complain about that to us, of course.

How...How were you feeling at the time? i can't imagine....




Mom...you are also A WOMAN.

Do you love hom?

Can you feel happy?




I can't forget that you said to me "marrige is timing."



what I think at the moment is make your life happy.

It was do long term, but your effort have to be reward.




You have many people who think wanna make you happy.

LOVE 

2008年08月07日(木) 17時06分
I have completely forgotten this blog.

now, it's a kind of saying myself...

These days, I really feel better than before. much, much better.

i'd been thining and thinking about that for ages.

but not now.

In fact, I cant totaly forget it though,

anyway, feel better.



however,

from time to time....

actually that affair occures to me.

every time i think of it,

tears flow my cheek.

every time.





I didn't say it to anyone.

But,,, between u and me, i found that he had been speaking ill of me and making fun of me with my ex-boyfriend.

what's a pity..haha.

I found it i just have had misunderstanding.

it was only me who thought we made up with each other.

how stupid misunderstanding it is.

and... how miserable.





That's why, i might feel better than before.




Since i came to Aus, i have been changing.

Now i can be confident, i can trust myself.

Before, i couldn't. That's why I couldn't trust any friends from my club.

It was because of me. not my friends.

At that time, i criticised myself as a person who doesn't deserve to be liked.

Now i know. It was wrong.

I should have trusted myself, and my friends.




how i can explain this feeling...

I l never complain about it to anyone.

Thats why i didnt say that(having been spoken ill of by him) to anyone.

it have done.

nobody can change this truth.

And also i know i deserve to be liked.

Trust me. Trust them...

I am all right.

I did it. He did it. She did it.

Thats all.

Misunderstandings may happen.

But I can smile. I have a power.

That is me.

Everybody can like me.

and I can be liked by everybody.

I can...Just trust.

Nobody is such a cruel person.

I know. Because I love them.

Even if there are someone who hate me when i trust and love everything, i can make a circumstans that they cant speak ill of me, they cant complain about me.

I can forgive everything.(its like a religions, isnt it?hehe)

おとしもの 

2008年08月06日(水) 0時40分
ああ、自分がにくい。

毎日、だ。

毎日こんな夢を見ている。



わたしの頭ん中を、誰か教えて。

道中で、

なにか落し物をしてきたような、

そんなかんじ。

すごく大切なんだけど、

どこで落としたかも、

なにを落としたかも、

わたしにはよくわかっていない。

ただわかるのは、

それがわたしにとってすごく大切なものであったという事実だけ。





ひろいにはかえれない。

もう、ずっと遠くへいってしまった。

でも、ほら。

やっぱりこうやってその大切ななにかが

わたしのことを苦しめてる。





忘れられる?

わかんない。

いつか笑えるときがくる?

わかんない。

すぐに物を落としたりなくしたりしてしまうくせは、

ほんとうに直さなくてはいけないね。





どうすればいいでしょう?

もう、戻るべきではない。

けど、

戻ってきて欲しい。

神さま 

2007年10月29日(月) 3時19分
存在してほしいと思うとき、まさにいてくれるあの人が

神のように思える。

大好きだ。

でも、もうお互いおわってるんだよね。

もう一度、ちゃんと知り合うことができたら。

もう一度、ちゃんと見つめることができたら。

だけどそれは汚してしまうみたいで、こわくて。

最高の友達でいてほしい。

独占欲がうまれるのは決して恋愛だとかではなくて、

ただただ好きだから。

でも、思い出にはならない。

やっぱり今も、あの頃だけは鮮やかに写るんだ。

つらいな。もう、一度は、なくなったと思った気持ち。

なんで、こうなるといつもでてくるのかな。

逃げてるだけ?ただの条件反射?

ずるいよね。

でも、こうしてクセになるくらい、もう一生つきまとう気持ちなのかな。

あきらめなきゃ、だよね。

だけど、今後のわたしが怖いです。

成人式が、いつか夢見た運命の場所だから、

あの人が来なければ、きっとそれきりだし、

あの人が来ても、きっとそれきりな気がする。

時が経つのは、早い。

軽い言葉がほしかったあの頃もあったのに、

今はあの軽い言葉が、すごく、すごく、重くのしかかる。



あたしの方が、やっぱり、好きだったと、思う。

わたがし 

2007年10月21日(日) 7時16分
どうして嫌われてるの??

なんで無視するの??

あたしは、自分のなんでも思い通りになるなんてこれっぽっちも思っちゃないけど、

その言葉をうけてから、自分のひとつひとつの行動や思考が、そうなのではないかなと思ったりする。

だから無視されても反論はとなえられないし、そんなことしたらまた同じことをゆわれると思う。

結局やっぱりそうなのかな。

かなしいな。

なんで??今まで仲良しだったのに、急に嫌いになるの??

どうすればいいのか、わかんないょ。
P R
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