I’m about to name-drop so much you’ll need a protective cushion.
Given that my mates usually convene in old men’s pubs in Partick, I’d like to share my latest encounters with the glitterati.
You see, I’ve been strutting down the red carpet (rocking Primark FYI ) and mixing with proper A-list celebrities at not one, but two, movie premieres, dahlinks.
Good Scottish films are like buses, none for ages then two appear at the same time.
My first invite was to Sunshine on Leith, an uplifting musical take on Stephen Greenhorn’s stage play tale of two lads returning to Edinburgh from Afghanistan. The film uses songs from The Proclaimers to drive the narrative and had me in tears at the weepy bits and singing along throughout. The young leads are great but veteran actor Peter Mullan effortlessly steals every scene.
I got to interview the stars before their big night. With the London PR girls watching like hawks, Peter greeted me with a laugh as he reminded me the last time we met I had him in a free-bar-induced headlock at a Proclaimers gig.
My guise as a professional journalist yet again exposed by the reality of my previous bampottery.
Thankfully, he’s not only a brilliant actor, he’s a hoot and revelled in the fact that one critic said he sings like a whale. It must be the Pisces in me but there’s nothing fishy about his performance.
Director Dexter Fletcher was as wonderfully eccentric as I’d wish a film director to be. He oozed enthusiasm and I believed the cast who agreed it was the best set they’d worked on.
Craig and Charlie Reid, aka The Proclaimers, were on top form. If I ever organise a night for my favourite famous people, they’re top of the list. They were both hyper at the prospect of their wee mum putting on a posh frock for a night out.
On the red carpet, I spotted Irvine Welsh, Gavin Hastings, Blythe Duff, Grant Stott and many of the cast of River City.
I said hello quickly as I ushered my radio co-host Ewen Cameron to his seat before his bag burst under the weight of his Tesco Express sweetie and juice carry-out.
Less than a week later I was on the red carpet again, at the Omni Vue in Edinburgh, for the world premiere of Filth, based on Irvine Welsh’s novel.
My top spot on this night was Andy Murray’s bubbly mum Judy, eating dinner in the Filling Station restaurant.
The following morning, Irvine Welsh and the star of the film, James McAvoy, popped into our studios. McAvoy is a proper Hollywood leading man, yet he was fun, intelligent and not afraid to speak his mind.
The Glasgow boy has done well. From playing Bobby Buckfast in panto in Kirkcaldy, he’s now part of the multimillion-dollar X-Men franchise. He is also phenomenal as the deeply disturbed yet hilariously flawed police officer Bruce Robertson in Filth, which makes Trainspotting look like Mary Poppins.
Both Irvine and James were a pleasure to chat to and, like Peter Mullan, in true Scottish style, they were completely incapable of toeing any polished corporate line.
I’m now ready to hit the LA scene and shout: “wha’s like us?” Not many, I’d guess.