An Open Letter To High School Girls (aka DONT TEXT NAKED PICTURES OF YOURSELVES)

March 22 [Tue], 2011, 16:12
Vanessa Hudgens. She let me down and she let Disney down. (Also this picture was for Zac who has since broken up with her.)

I get it. You’re hot. Nobody here is denying that, but I read a little article (and by article I mean picture with a caption) about one of the Teen Moms and her leaked naked pics. I have a few thoughts pertaining to this, the first of which being that it bothers me that we refer to “The Teen Moms” like Paris Bombay they’re a league of superheroes― but that is beside the point.

The point is, this chick was pregnant at 16 AND texted naked pix. Which presents the question: Which came first? The chicken or the sext?

Anyway, I know you’re not a 16 and pregnant chick. You’re just a normal girl with a hot bod and a crush on a boy. But here’s some compelling reasons not to do it regardless. Also, now seems like a good time to remind you that I’m not your fucking mother. I’m cool, trust me. If I was in high school with you, we’d totally be friends. So listen up-

Depending on your age you can get into some sticky legal situations with child pornography. This is a pain in everyone’s ass, costs time and money, does a number on your reputation, and won’t look good when you’re on your way to being Madam President, a nuclear physicist, a school teacher, an Oscar winner, or whatever else you high-achieving smart girls will end up as. No regrets, people.
Chances are, you’re not gonna marry him. In fact, you probably won’t even date for a significant amount of time. Now, I know this is the high school girl equivalent of telling kids there’s no Santa, but bear with me. I was in high school a few years ago and I can tell you that so much about me (and my ex boyfriends for that matter) has changed. For the better. So don’t take the chance that in 6 months Mr. Starting Quarterback with have NO loyalty or obligation to you but WILL have some pictures of your booty on his iPhone 4. Danger. And by danger I mean this: One time I girl sent a boy a picture of her boobs in high school. Boy broke up with girl. Boy posted picture online for 3 MINUTES then grew a conscience and took it down. IN THOSE 3 MINUTES- somebody else saw it, saved it and texted it to everybody. Literally, everybody. I woke up the next morning with the same picture from 7 different people. As if I care about boobs (I do not). Moral of the story― just not a good idea.
You will not like the aftermath. The girls whispering in the halls. The boys talking to you for all the wrong reasons. There’s enough drama in High School without adding more pressure and stress to your life.
Worst Case Scenario: do you want to be forced to look at that picture of yourself in front of your parents and the dean?? That happened at my HS. And guess what? The dean was a priest. (are you cringing yet? I’m cringing)
GUYS ALWAYS WANT WHAT THEY CAN’T HAVE!!!!!!!!! Believe me. I have nothing but brothers (the cute tall athletic types gals try to date) … Who would get home from school and talk about girls from school. Been there. And guess who always wins the hottest award?? The most coveted award?? The beautiful nice girl with high standards, a friendly smile and the quiet confidence that says, “you don’t need pictures to know that I got it goin on.”
And that’s the point. THOSE ASSHOLE IMMATURE 16 YEAR OLD BOYS SHOULDN’T NEED PICTURES TO KNOW YOU’RE SEXY/AWESOME/BEAUTIFUL.

YOU’RE ALREADY SEXY/AWESOME/BEAUTIFUL.

Guys should have to work their ass off to have a shot with you. Not send you a 140 character or less message while they’re watching Sports Center for the 437th time. Even if you trust the guy, and he’s worth trusting- it’s just not worth the risks.

And if my testimony/the testimony of my HS friends mean anything to you- you don’t need it. You can get dozens of adoring admirers without the pictures. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You will. Trust me.

In the long run- which is what we all want- guys are magnetically attracted to confidence. Let me tell you, you won’t get that confidence from hitting send on topless you in your bathroom.

with love (and a shirt on),
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