ja 2007-02-25T23:34:12+09:00
today we celebrated ken's & dexter's birthdays! :D
& while they look like your average guy-next-door,
they have a dark secret
which will be exposed today by yours truly.
( not for the faint-hearted )

proof #1:

proof #2:

& lastly..

dont you want to go awwww already? (:

hahahha but anyway!
was nice meeting up with the whole gang agn (:
& ken is the luckiest guy around, no?
every year we celebrate his non-existent birthday haha!

happy nineteenth to our favourite gay boys (:

... & this is why we missed the fireworks

i love potato salad & my cheongsam top (:
&&& i absolutely HAVE to repair my camera soon
it's been out of action since last year!
thanks to esther who lent me hers today!

AND.
today marks my last entry here.
very reluctant of course,
my cutesy emoticons & neoprint function!!

but i cant be honest here anymore.
& there's too much i dont want to remember.
too much pain,
too much anger,
& too many memories.
so goodbye to all of that.

you guys know where to find me (:
( check your emails pls! )
& those who really want to know can always leave a tag!

ja, ne!



]]> 2007-02-25T23:34:12+09:00
IM SUPER JEALOUS RIGHT NOW ):
( HENCE THE GREEN )

nino was in paris
for the premiere of Letters From Iwo Jima
& this fan, this friggin' girl from paris
TOOK A PICTURE WITH HIM.
LUCKY ASS LAH.
do you know how difficult it is
to actually take a picture with a JE boy?
&^%^$$%#$@@!@#&^%^$$

GEKKKKK SEYYYY NGORRRR AHHHH.

on a side note,
the movie's in Time Mag.'s 10 Best Movies of 2006.
so what are you waiting for? (:

on a side side note,
the main theme song is hauntingly beautiful.



]]> 2007-02-25T14:09:46+09:00
-iwo jima was emo emo emo
( which i obviously like haha :D )
i kept sniffing
& i think the guy beside was damn pissed

-nino's acting was superb!
( im so NOT biased okay! )
his crying scenes were phwoarrrrr.
& he's super damn cute!!

-GO WATCH IT PLEASE (:
not 'cause i support nino,
but it really makes you think.
& there's this thing abt war films i love.
they show how real everything is,
& how difficult it is to actually do what they have been taught.
reality right in your face.

- happy excited stunned NERVOUS LAH OMG.
TMR LEH WTH??

-vvv happy he took initiative though :)

- now i know how stupid you look while you smile to yourself,
so i will not do it again!! T____T

- trying my best not to be angry anymore,
not worth it (:
( & will have wrinkles lahhh tsk )

- sylvia folds pretty roses!!

-im going to fold 1000 cranes!
1000 cranes = good health (:

-try guessing who is it for hehhhhh bye!



]]> 2007-02-23T00:41:32+09:00 now spinning; Camera Obscura - Lloyd, I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken


i....
am on the verge of buying my third pair of shoes in a week.
insatiable.
unstoppable.
how

if shopping is a national sport,
i think i'll win gold with honours.

on a happyhappy note,
i booked tickets for iwo jima on thurs! :D :D
yaynesss
poor sylvia has to bear with my fangirl-ing :P
&&& she is now my sensei for bird crane-folding xD
sorry your tu-er is too lousy to get it right!!

& work's starting on thurs!
love the long break,
but...... yeah. hahaha x)

i really think my kor kor is
the best brother in the whole world
no fight okay!

most pointless entry yet but
everyday should be happy like this! (:


]]> 2007-02-21T00:56:12+09:00

hahaha im gg to promote this for a month,
starting next wednesday x)
i've to wear a sandwich board ROFLMAO.
strangely excited hahaha.
it's fun trying out new things :D
plus it's 10/hr!
( relax chris im still with hanabi x) )

if you want to know what is it,
wait til next wed! xD

anyway hot topic for CNY 2007:
Vanessa's Dyed Hair.
& i must say my mum handled it with aplomb (:
"yah lah told her to dye purple,
but she say red nicer! so sian!"
.. now i know where i got my ah lian genes from T_T

speaking of dyed hair,
i saw this girl that day with hair the colour of..
PADDLEPOP
seriously, im not kidding at all.
i was just as amazed as i was disgusted.
like how on earth do you get that colour?!

sooooo many movies to catch!
epic movie, protege & paris je'taime
letters from iwo jima's opening on thurs,
& im catching it with sylvia! :D :D :D :D
MY NINO ON BIG SCREEN!!! -squeals :D :D
like finally, after so long! (:

saw victor the other day.
( he's really tall now! )
thought of the basketball-crazy days
with him jason song guang kenneth yijun etc.
how he tried to teach me how to do lay-ups
( & failed :| )
& most importantly,
they always tried to make us a part of the game,
even though ummm, we weren't very good hahaha.

i miss playing ball with them. alot.

anyway CNY's been great
though strangely i dont care that much for angpaos anymore
maybe 'cause im working now?
&& my throat's sore from the pineapple tarts ):
& everyone shld buy Rabbit Brand fake shark fin soup (:

You should face this situation head on
and put out the fire that has been steadily building.
It is not going to go away on its own,
and pretending that it will is only going to cause you more stress down the line.
It's like removing a bandage:
the faster you deal with this, the less pain you will feel.

sometimes horoscopes scare the hell out of me.

i know i still need answers,
so that i can have my closure
& quietly move away.
but the truth is im too tired to bother,
too angry to care.




]]> 2007-02-20T15:01:02+09:00

Pain throws your heart to the ground,
Love turns the whole thing around.
No it won't all go the way it should,
But I know the heart of life is good.

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing.
But then your circle of friends
Will defend the silver lining.


happy new year
pull your ear! :D
( sorry i couldnt resist )

anyhows update on last weekend!

accompanied huiling to perm her hair on sat (:

the focus is on her hair
( extremely pretty, photos dont do justice! )
so please ignore my fat spastic face -.-
& we had super yummy zhi char after that!

sunday was meeting up with the girls & ken
to celebrate ah neh's birthday!
had dinner at brewerkz which was only just okay,
but the company was awesome as always

& we had suuuuper good icecream at meidiya after that!
cant believe i never ate before,
the black sesame is even better than our restaurant's!

yay i love my girls, cannot wait for our next gathering!
oh yes pls check your gmail okay!
IMPORTANT.

anyway today is an extremely happy day.
surprised him with some cookies&brownies i baked
( very ugly but tastes not bad okay! )
to express my thanks for the flowers
the look on his face when i popped in.... awww (:
but i was damn embarrassed
'cause laoda they all were around hahaha.

& his reaction...
it was totally different.
i really dont understand
how the hell did i fool myself for so long?
why couldnt i see the signs?

anyhows i learnt alot abt him today (:

been shopping wayyy too much,
got another pair of shoes today T_T
( but they were really damn cheap lah )
control. control. control. control.......
oh what the heck who am i kidding hahaha.

the red streaks on my head
seem to be fading into copper??
but i still love! (:

anyway i like sth else abt CNY!
FAKE SHARK FIN'S SOUP <3
omgosh i can eat cans of them!!

gong xi fa cai, hong bao na lai!
bye!!



Don't it always seem to go,
That you don't know what you got till it's gone.


]]> 2007-02-18T01:14:45+09:00
LOL.
was waiting at the bus interchange just now when...
girl: hi can i give you this rose??
me: huh?!!?
girl: erm haha i just went on a date.
didnt really like the guy
& i think my parents will freak out when they see this.
so there's no point in keeping it!
hahahhaah DAMN CUTE PLEASE.
yup i got the rose in the end :D
had a good time laughing with a complete stranger x)

out with sylvia just now,
read a lil' at Liang Court
( no Ah Beng today! )
& then headed down to chinatown (:
as expected, it was majorly packed.
but it's the CNY experience! :D
my top is so damn pretty!
thank you for being so patient;
for going shop-to-shop with me (: -hugs

hurhur think it's kinda cute that
he keeps pretending to come out to do sth
when we all know what's his motive x)
reminds me of.... me.
i think he eats sugar/honey all the time -.-
& he is my "mysterious" artist haha

picking up the pieces;
getting back my self-confidence bit-by-bit.
thank you (:

glad to have a lil' break though,
really need time to sort things out
i really dont want him to be an alternative,
esp. now since im at my most vulnerable
& trying to pull myself tgt.
being second choice is never fair.
& the feeling sucks. big time.

ANYWAY.
CNY in a day!
actually other than my own family gathering,
pineapple tarts & bak kwa,
im not looking fwd to it at all.
i hate entertaining relatives
i hate gossipy aunties!
YES I DID PUT ON WEIGHT
& NO I DONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

the lyrics to Patience by Take That
is super super appropriate for my situation now.
too lazy to copy, click here to see.
chris i want the song pls (:
& i hope the buffet was good!!

i really need to improve on my chinese
& i borrowed books today!! yay!!



]]> 2007-02-17T00:32:25+09:00

my super damn pretty flowers,
i love. (:

one surprise after another,
i think my heart cannot take it anymore hahaha.
too fast too furious!
but seriously sweeeet,
very touched. (:
he's really dumb & kid-like la haha.
& corny in a way that makes you want to roll your eyes
& smile at the same time (:

but im afraid of screwing things up..
eh i dont know how to explain
but anyway guess i'll just take one step at a time.

anw. thanks to MY WONDERFUL BUDDIES,
who kept singing "ai mei" the whole day.
thanks leh, really!
but im really going to miss audrey!!! ):
How can I just let you walk away,
just let you leave without a trace

die.
i cant stop smiling to myself rofl.
( but i wont let you guys catch me on camera!! )



]]> 2007-02-16T01:23:57+09:00
slightly flustered.
touched.
excited.
a teeny bit flattered.
lost, very.
super super super surprised.

i totally didnt see it coming.
i was like OMGWTHMSNBBQ when i saw his msg
& he was really sweet about it,
despite me saying that i still cant forget
& that it's going to take awhile;
"it doesnt have to be now."

"if you have the heart to find it,
you will naturally find it."
damn sweeet.
thank you really,
for making me feel a lil' more worthwhile (:
although i really dont know what's going to happen.

zomgggggg work is going to be nerve-wrecking tmr!!!
hahaha got so much to share with audsss & chrisss too :D
thanks to chris for sharing my excitement! <3

anw. valentine's day was a blast (:
worked in the morning {晴}
( no wonder he was strangely quiet today! )
met peirong for dinner at muthu's curry
& later we met up with xinling & yvonne
( 'cause both irvin & dickson are in the army )
it was a giant laugh fest the whole night! x)
although they kept teasing me;
"cooking up a storm in the kitchen ah"
-_______-

i wanted to see you so badly,
even if it was just for a minute.
& the only person i wanted to give
a valentine's day gift to is still...
you.
but everything was just impossible.

arghhhh.
no prizes for guessing who's feeling dumb once again.
( rhymes with vee-day )






]]> 2007-02-15T00:52:36+09:00 I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as hugely possible.
And how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you.
And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get or gyms you join or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood.
And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.
And sometimes you could even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door.
And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new & you'll meet people who'll make you feel worthwhile again, and little pieces of your soul will finally come back.
And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

-from the movie "The Holiday"


this is totally the script of my inner thoughts.
where the hell did i go wrong?

anyway today in a nutshell:
-met jialing & bought a cute pair of shoes!!
but felt rather bad 'cause i was/looked so tired.
but anw. bakerzinn with her next week (:

-work as usual.
& i love seeing xiaoshun & ah yee tgt,
they're like a pair of dumb & mischievious brothers hahaha.
& that pig keep bullying my ah yee!!
no wonder nobody wantd to lunch with him!

-met peh-stir at the bus-stop again! :D

i want to watch protege!
DANIEL WU IS THE REASON WHY <3

dont know if i shld be exasperated or amused;
my parents refuse to use the things i bought,
'cause the things are too nice
& they cant bear to use them T___T
what on earth?!

okay done im going to meet peirong now;
much as i dont like seeing ah yee getting bullied,
i HATE seeing my bestfriend being bullied >:(



]]> 2007-02-13T21:47:11+09:00 :( grrrrrrrrr. ...i dont know why but somehow his backview looks really reassuring, like he will protect me from anything. & sometimes i feel so tired that i just want to fall asleep on his back & forget the world for a little while. but anyway just now was quite T___T ( will tell audssss & chrissssss sssssoon ) & i swear my heart skipped a beat but to quote the bestfriend, "it's just a moment of weakness." yup i think tha...]]>

( taken from sgsecrets )

isnt this really sweet? (:
reminds me of hana kimi,
when ella sleeps on wuzun's shoulder

tennis-ed again today!
although we were all feeling pretty lazy haha.
but tennis-ing once a week is good :D
we met mrs tay & she said she likes hanabi's food! :D
& the cutest thing was that
she said she'll bring her friends there soon,
& wants us to sms her the number x)
i miss her!!

& of all random ppl,
i miss corny(lius) & boon! ):
i still rmb corny was so happy
when we gave yakult to him!

alan that pig!!
nobody bullies MY ah yee okay >:(
grrrrrrrrr.

...i dont know why but
somehow his backview looks really reassuring,
like he will protect me from anything.
& sometimes i feel so tired that
i just want to fall asleep on his back
& forget the world for a little while.

but anyway just now was quite T___T
( will tell audssss & chrissssss sssssoon )
& i swear my heart skipped a beat
but to quote the bestfriend,
"it's just a moment of weakness."
yup i think that's true so i will stay calm (:

anw. how can i pass him the cookie
without him knowing it's me?!

i need another book to read!
-looks hopefully at karen- x)
i just ate 5 pineapple tarts zomg ):
im craving for seoul garden how ah chris!!
& dju dju's so ex but the mutton's so damn good

i dont mean to avoid/disappear but the truth is,
i dont know what does it mean to be "good friends"
'cause ive always been one.
i want to care, ( & i still do )
but im afraid of falling back in.

how now brown cow. =|



]]> 2007-02-13T00:55:45+09:00

And all I wanted was a bench to rest my weary legs
My silent heart agrees I have done my best


had a mini panic attack today after the NTU talk,
what with all the talk on admission criteria etc.
thoughts going wild in my head;
what if?

i really, really want to get into that course.
but guess my back-up option(s) aint too bad either,
though it's a longer route.
still, i will continue to pray & hope for the best.

thank God for parents.
from pri sch to anderson to nyjc,
they've always been there for me.
they're really the ones who keep me sane,
esp. when im at a loss as to what i shld do.

on a lighter note,
havent been specifically shopping for CNY this year
& i bought alot of black clothes for some strange reason.
so im trying to inject more colours into my life now haha
( I LOVE PRINTS <3 )
& oh i finally got my black skinnies altered,
love them love them love them!

bumped into alot of people today,
& im so glad i saw PEH-STIR! :D
you're missed my 73 buddy

went to visit peirong & xinling at work,
their uniforms are so cute haha :D
& yes yes peirong's him passed my test!
although.. it's really karma for the both of us hahaha

die man.
now that my hair is coloured,
my vanity has gone up one level
been researching on all sorts of hair products,
plus ive been doing alot of online shopping again T_T
i can kiss my money goodbye
although i must admit it's fun to pamper yourself! :D

think im getting more & more lor sor everyday,
so im going to end here but before i do
im happy to see my parents so happy with what i bought them
( mens' wallets are really damn expensive T_T )
&& i must really sleep earlier now
'cause lack of sleep = weight gain! ( scientifically proven )

okay good night world!


]]> 2007-02-12T01:25:57+09:00
gave my bro a treat at the restaurant just now
it was fun seeing everyone :D
( & my velly velly aTtituDezx buddy chris hahaha )
although there is a misunderstanding i must clear up T___T
& it's a pity he wasnt working today,
wanted to show my bro who he was x)

bro suddenly asked me,
"so what happened?
you never really told me what happened."
& i realised it has already been 3 weeks.
has it really been that long?

but come to think of it,
life's been pretty good.
ive more time for family & friends now
& less things to worry about.
yes i still get emo now & then
& i miss you all the time,
but i guess im okay

&&& ive ah yee (yit?) who makes me smile stupidly to myself,
& whose cute smile brightens up my day
honestly no feelings attached at the moment,
& no plans to jump into sth again.
but i really do enjoy talking to him as a friend,
& having him around cheers me up (:
so all's good, all's good

LOL peirong & i are not only best friends,
we've the same "good taste" in guys too xD
to think i didnt dare to tell her where's he from at first x)
going to visit her tmr,
take a peek & give my verdict :D

anw. vee-day's coming up soon!
haha all the flowers & dates & secret admirers,
im a sucker for all romantic things
but the truth is,
i've never really believed in valentine's day,
'cause we shld celebrate love everyday (:

anyway i was thinking about baking him
a giant heart-shaped cookie just for fun :D
& leave an anonymous note!
think he'll be wondering who it is all day haha! x)

....kinda sad that
i never had the chance to give you anything for valentine's.
not last year, not this year too
& probably never.

i wish i knew how i can help,
& the best thing to say right now.
'cause just worrying ain't going to make things better.


]]> 2007-02-11T00:27:29+09:00

"Hello," I said, brushing myself off, "Hello," she said.
"This is so funny." "Yes." How could it be explained?
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"Just for a walk," she said, "and you?"
"Just for a walk."

We helped each other up, she brushed leaves from my hair, I wanted to touch her hair.
"That's not true," I said, not knowing what the next words out of my mouth would be, but wanting them to be mine, wanting, more than I'd ever wanted anything, to express the center of me and be understood.

"I was walking to see you." I told her.
"I've come to your house each of the last six days. For some reason I needed to see you again."
She was silent, I had made a fool out of myself, there's nothing wrong with not understanding yourself and she started laughing, laughing harder than I'd ever felt anyone laugh.
The laughter brought on tears, and the tears brought on more tears, and then I started laughing, out of the most deep and complete shame.

"I was walking to you," I said again, "because I wanted to see you again," she laughed and laughed.

"That explains it," she said when she was able to speak.
"It?"
"That explains why, each of the last six days, you weren't at your house."


-excerpt from Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close




]]> 2007-02-10T01:41:19+09:00 _< ) it was just a tiny gesture, but it made my day anyway it also made me realise that everything was one-sided all along. ANYWAY. there was this super super cute kid, who just couldnt stop smiling/laughing! omgosh he totally charmed the entire restaurant haha :D & his goodbye = blowing kisses man, he's going to grow up breaking hearts! mum & i have freaky telepathy! last week i was craving for japanese curry after work. when i got home that night, it turns out that she bought one packet of it to cook for me! which is damn random 'cause we've never tried it before & ytd i was...]]>
ASHJGFAKFJSHJHGDS
DJKSHJHFGSAJKF
I LOVE MY HAIR <3
to bits&pieces & to the moon & back!
my hairdresser's a really nice guy.
very meticulous & very careful with my hair
& off-topic but he dresses well! (:
guess i'll be going back often

i was THIS close to snipping my hair short.
aiyahhhh very impatient to leave it longer.
but... guess ive to control the itch to cut it

he did sth sweet today (:
( sorry buddies im too paiseh to say what >_< )
it was just a tiny gesture,
but it made my day anyway

it also made me realise that
everything was one-sided all along.

ANYWAY.
there was this super super cute kid,
who just couldnt stop smiling/laughing!
omgosh <3 <3
i wish i could have kidnapped him!
he totally charmed the entire restaurant haha :D
& his goodbye = blowing kisses
man, he's going to grow up breaking hearts!

mum & i have freaky telepathy!
last week i was craving for japanese curry after work.
when i got home that night,
it turns out that she bought one packet of it to cook for me!
which is damn random 'cause we've never tried it before
& ytd i was telling auds i wanna eat wasabi peas.
& when i got home,
I FOUND A BOTTLE OF IT T_____T
is this freaky or is this freaky?

i........
okay never mind.






]]> 2007-02-09T02:36:09+09:00