tokyobeats

hello! im back! after years of studying animation, im finally gonna graduate this winter, how long has it been? 5 yrs? even tho i am unemployed im still getting back some refund from school, thank God, and im gonna get me a an Android tablet and hopefully by Nov. when my contract ends, ill be getting an android phone as well, im done with the iphone, i had an iphone since the 1st generation so its time to switch to the good side. but im impressed with this yaplog app for the iphone its pretty nifty!

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have you ever wonder if what you're doing in life right now is really worth it?

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YOU - angel's rain [minna daisuki katamari damacy ost]

i thought about my existence in this world and most everyone knows im a very goal oriented person. make a goal, get it done, and feel happy. ive noticed that when i do make a goal i feel good for maybe three days tops. once ive accomplished that goal or didn't accomplish that goal, im on to the next. so what am i doing? what's the reason for these goals? what purpose does it serve? i guess i'm trying to gain a sense of accomplishment. im learning something new. im extending a sense of power. im gaining happiness. so what happens when i die? idk what happens when i pass away? im hoping my spirit lives on, but lets say i turn off like a television set. i cant turn on and no longer receive any transmission. and now think of the many things that i have accomplished. lets say i accomplished my goal of climbing mount fuji, got married, had kids, learned to surf, retained heavyweight champion of the world, and got to make out with a supermodel. what does it matter now? it doesnt. it's all things that made me feel good for a split second. i did what i needed to do and i was happy. but making all these goals was for who?. me. it iss all because i want to feel like i have control or power. the funny thing is i do't have control of my life and my death. and another thing is im doing it all for me; no one really benefits from my goals. no one gets to basque in the glory of my accomplishment. its all me. its all about me.

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shunichi miyamoto - Nemurenai Yoru wo Koete

hmm ... some of my most profound thoughts and opinions expressed to this journal... i wish my yaplog was a person.

i tend to get really excited about things one minute, then leave them in the dust the next. all my work... all my efforts... all my talents... i never really focused on any one of them, y'know? .. never really honed a particular skill... i had this dream of being a sort of "renaissance person".. a master of many arts. but the dream is yet to become any kind of reality. cuz im one lazy artist. haha.... people compliment my work sometimes.. which is coo, i guess but in my heart, i know i am still a beginner in everything i do and i totally admire any artist i see in action.. i think to myself ... "damn ... thats who i want to be.. thats what i want to do ..."

so it took 25 years to finally believe im at least somewhat capable but the discipline needs a lot of work.. im starting to force myself into doing projects that have been hanging around in my mind for years.

look out now.

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i bumped into one of my friends yesterday and mentioned i was on a diet and he was like "why? are you expecting to die - yet?" or i dunno. haha. its some lame joke he always says when somebody mentions they are on a diet. cuz when most people hear the word "diet", they think of punishment! its like "oh man, i gotta go on this diet and im gonna hate it..."

so i just told him, "nah man.. im on a diet to live, to live longer and healthier." and im totally enjoying it. im not after a painful temporary solution for a short term problem.. im working towards a new and better lifestyle.

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honey & clover ost

im prepared to face the consequences of the forthcoming journey. i talked to my sister about it and she told me there will be people who won't like your change ... cuz they will be afraid of losing you ...

interesting concept. why would that make sense? ... well, when a person goes on a conscious journey to improve themselves, it will involve certain changes. and some of your close ones may not be comfortable with that, for a number of reasons ...for example, if you're climbing to reach another level, they might feel left behind. and they might unconsciously try and keep you with them or maybe they will feel jealous that you are accomplishing what THEY want to do. i havent really ran into any tough cases of this, but i notice little things here and there. little comments which arent exactly uplifting and then there are those who cheer you on. i love you guys. thanks for the support.

my sister also mentioned something that made a lot of sense. she said, "if you want to improve yourself in something, you gotta surround yourself with people are who better than you in it." like if you wanna get better in tennis, then "force" yourself to play with better players. then you'll have to strive to be better. if you only play with people who suck, then how do you expect to improve?... of course theres also the privilege andresponsibilty of helping others too.

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revolution boi - dreams cd

wow fall is already here, i almost couldnt believe its already october!! time sure does fly so fast. have you ever been so beaten in your journey you've wanted to quit, but more determined to finish? man, i don't know if i've ever been beaten up like this before... having rejection after rejection after rejection just kills you! and yet, all you want to do is finish. for the past year i've been in the process of starting a new life physically and mentally and probably a new stable job because i dont wanna dj forever and it just seems like you get so far and get denied many times. any self preserving man/woman would have quit by now, saying it's just not worth it. but it is! and to be quite honest, i haven't even dealt with most of the problems and it's still an arduous task. i've been dealing with other things that pertain to the business, but i can only think of how it is suppose to be if i had to think of everything. i'm so lucky i have an experienced guide to help me out. we are all learning as we go and getting a few bloody noses along the way. we haven't ran away with our tail between our legs, so that's a good sign. i would say our mentailty is we are going to do this if we die trying. and i'm i keep reinforcing the thought of grandure when it is off and running. i think you have to be a masochist if you start a business from scratch (ie. no help from former business owners or predecessors) because you are reinventing the wheel. it's a rollercoaster of a ride, so enjoy the bumps and loops cause there is an end.

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why is it everyone wants to pry in your business? they want to know exactly whats going on in the here and now, they want to know exactly what you did the past few days, and they want to know your plans for the future. why are we so concerned with other people's lives when we barely got a grip on our own. is it cuz our life is boring we must create drama from other people's melodrama? is that why they want to know my life . . . you find it more facinating than your's? drama, drama, draaaaaaaaaaaama! isnt there a commercial that says, everyone thinks they should have a reality show. if they think they should have a reality show, then why do they pry into the lives of others. im not saying it to be an ass, im saying it cuz i like my privacy. i like some things that some people who arent close to me, not knowing about me. i like only giving them parts of me. i like being secretive. like i said before, i'll only tell them what they need to know. its not about not being a friend, its about me. intimacy is great, but you dont need to know what i did with my relationships.. i would like it if someone said, "you dont have to share if you dont want to." im smiling as i write this. what great statement! it says, i want to know more about you, but i respect your privacy. many of people would disagree with this, but i think that even when you get into a relationship you shouldnt share everything. i like the word interdependence. if you dont know what that means, look it up. its a step up from codependence and independence. so to all yall who wanted to know shizz, stop trippin.

anyhoo, B-chan where are you? lol i miss our bitching sessions.

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Vivian Green - love for sale [de-lovely ost]

since the food convention was held, my right foot has been hurting, i took a week off not to walk, jog or at all cuz i want the pain to go away but this week hasnt been good either, last night there was a gathering for my aunt's 40th day prayer since her funeral, there was a mass after that then we grubbed. there were so many food too, i had an arguement with my mom, cuz she has no ride to get there, i HAD TO drive for her.. being lazy to drive to anaheim isnt the reason why i dont wanna go, its cuz theres gonna be a lot of food! she knows how i try to avoid where the food is, heck i dont even go to family gatherings that much, shes not freakin helping at all!! she seems so calm and didnt even stop me from eating so much #$!@#$!@#$!@# then today theres gonna be another event going on in my cousins house, the Bohol organization, more grub!! then tomorrow will be my niece's graduation party, another grub! i hate them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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im lazy to spin tonight, but i have to promote my t-shirt business.

i need to get out of this house and i mean, REALLY get out of this house. not for the day, not temporarily, forever.

no, i dont hate my parents... hmm maybe my dad.. im starting to hate the person im becoming. okay, hate is a strong word. more like loathe...

i tell people i still live with my parents even when im still 25. i get mixed reactions. some people are like "oooh, that must be fun." in a sarcastic tone, of course. cuz its not mostly accustom here in the US. the older people seem to say "wow, you're lucky. take advantage of it. it must be hella nice." ... yeh, i am lucky. im lucky that my parents continue to support me but i believe i may be too lucky ... nah mean? i have all the basic essentials i need and because of that, im getting fat and lazy. not just physically, but personally too.

so i need to get out of this house. away from the comfort. away from the junk food. away from the luxuries. away from satellite tv. away from being too comfortable. i dont blame my parents. i blame myself, if i was another person, i might be able to take advantage of living here and save money (like some people have suggested) but i dont think that's going to happen. i tend to learn things the hard way. at least for the bigger lesssons in life. but my parents are SO nice. bless their hearts. i wish they'd get fed up and throw me out, but where am i gonna go? hahah damn college life.

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