not in any mood. 

2007年09月21日(金) 17時14分
i haven't left my room all day today...
i know it's unhealthy, but i don't have any strength what so ever to.
being here for a week, i've noticed Japan is a very tiring country.
well, especially Tokyo.
i can't go on a single day without yawning and feeling weak.
granted, i'm not used to the humidity,
but i don't know. it takes so much energy to get out there...

my laziness is taking over me...again.
i need to stop but i can't wake up feeling good lately, either.
i'm always tired and feeling like shit.

maybe i'm homesick a little...

i don't mind it too much here, and i'm sure once school starts,
and i make more friends and understand the city better,
everything will be fine, and i'll have a grand ol' time.

but right now, my body is somewhat rejecting this place.

i miss driving.

i loved you with a fire red 

2007年09月10日(月) 16時41分
so i'm now down to one simple day.
one left. only one.

what to do...

i know that as soon as i see my friends, i'll breakdown.
i'll miss them all, incredibly.
it's going to be hard and odd not being able to call or text,
and mostly not be able to see each other for 7 months...
they are who bring me back to my feet, everytime i fall down.

but anyways, i will see them one last time before i leave,
and hopefully it will be a good "see you again soon"

i'll obviously miss the boyfriend, too...
but what can i do? we'll be keeping touch, but yeah.
everything's just limited and restricted.
oh well, if we can survive being overseas, i guess it's real.
only time will tell, i guess.
i mean, everything will and does happen for a reason.

i'm getting a little confident about this long-stay.
all i've been repeating for the past month is how scared i am.
i've never been so far away from home, friends, my support.

hopefully this experience will make me more independent.
more mature. more appreciating. better. just, better in general.

i'm not completely ready to face myself and life yet,
but time will come. soon.

i hate packing, by the way.

i'll miss you.

in a month... 

2007年08月11日(土) 8時33分
there's just been way too much on my mind.
and i don't really know where to start.

july 15, 2007.
one of my roommates passed away...
it was a very tragic accident.
she was too young. too bright. so full of life.
may she rest in peace.

i went to japan for two weeks, came back on the 4th,
attended the memorial service with the boyfriend.
it was good to see him again, i missed him a lot.
but it was just a hectic 2 weeks for me.

and now, im still jetlagging. ha
and in a month, i'll be leaving to japan for a year.
i'll be back in march which is still seven months from now.
everything's just going to be really hard.

everything's already hard.

i don't know, i'm not ready for the whole growing up factor.
but what can you do. you can't defy time.

blah i just think way too much.

4 more days. 

2007年07月04日(水) 7時57分
i still have yet to start packing...
oh well, i ended up with an A in MIS,
which i'm really happy about!!
i'm just waiting for my BNAD teacher to post grades.
hope i got an A in that class too.
well, i actually NEED it.

anyways, other than that,
the boyfriend visited for a week.
absolutely loved every moment spent with him.
although it did make it harder for me to say bye...
only one more month, and i wont be able to call him.
but theres email...but still, you know. its not the same.
it'll be hard, but what can we do, i guess.

i took the risk of falling in love.
i decided im not going to run away from this heartbreak.

but yeah, i'll be back home in 4 days,
and i cant be happier, seriously, you dont understand.
i've been so ready to get the hell outta here for so long.

alright. nap time before i start packing,
and going to go hang out with a friend! :)

i'll be fine... 

2007年07月03日(火) 0時30分
It was just one of those days,
Nothing's going right and it might all fall apart

She feels like she's just too tired
To fight anymore
Just how much can one girl take and
before she breaks

It was not too long ago
Every dream was coming true
But that was all before
She can't figure out what to do
But she knows
no matter just how much this takes
She won't break

Close your eyes, take a breath
Don't let yourself forget
You are strong
Look how far you've come
Pick yourself off the floor
You know you still got more
You are strong
Look at how far you've come

This is just another test
She'd been through much harder ones before
And she'd passed
She knew she could get through one more
And now she knows
No matter just how much this takes
She won't break

Well, you are strong
Look how far you've come

-Keri Noble "how far you've come"

do it today. it will be illegal tomorrow. 

2007年06月11日(月) 15時55分
that's the slogan for my coffee shop. haha

anyways, it's been like a month since the boyfriend left,
and i'm doing absolutely wonderful now. haha
(took me long enough, right? - i was miserable for a week)

he's coming to visit me for 9 days at the end of this month,
which is quite exciting, but weird at the same time.
i was counting down til he comes on my birthday,
and all of a sudden the waiting time's cut in half haha
oh well, i'm reserving a hotel for 3 nights as a surprise,
so hopefully he'll like that.
it's so he doesn't get too bored and stuffy @ my apartment.

oh the things i do for him. haha

but anyways, i ended up with an A in presession!
and i'm aiming for A's in both summer courses this month.
they're both business, one's actually pretty interesting,
but the other one's easy business math so far and boring.
hopefully it'll be a lot better later in the month!

so my final's on the 3rd, and i quit my job on the 6th,
so i'm hoping i'll move out of my apartment on the 7th.
i need to find a job in phoenix but doubt anyone'd hire me,
cus i'll only be working for 2 months, starting july.
plus, for 2 weeks, i'll be requesting off for japan.
so i'm trying to save up right now, hope it works.

well, alright. since i still have my 3 page report to write,
i'll end here for now. goodnight!

wish you were here. 

2007年05月23日(水) 4時24分
"Hey There Delilah"

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.
-plain white T's.

::so i was doing good, was able to say bye & have a safe trip, smiling. and then i got in the car and of course, this song starts playing. i can't listen to this song without crying. hope today i won't cry. thank you to all my friends who are being wonderful and a big support, i truly appreciate it! :)

i wish you were here. 

2007年05月18日(金) 4時33分
it's literally only been a day.
and i'm still miserable.
this is ridiculous. ha

i thought i'd be fine today...
but since i've gotten home, i'm still a mess.

i dont know why i cant stop crying.
we talk on the phone, we've been texting all day yesterday...

i guess not being able to get a hug and kisses is killing me.
when i want to see him, i can't.
granted he's only a state away, but thats too far.
he's quite busy moving out etc and i don't want to bother him
but at the same time i wish i could.

i think i just feel like i'm going through SO much,
and he just doesnt miss me that much.
i fell for him way too hard and fast.

growing up is painful. haha
a lot to deal with.

i already talked to him for a little bit today,
but obviously he's busy and couldn't talk for long.

sorry i'm selfish, and want all the attention i can.
but he made me the happiest girl while he was here.
i had gotten used to getting all his attention...
and i think i'm scared that he's just gonna find someone new...

first loves, suck.

why am i so negative about all this.
i was fine this morning until i talked with him...
i guess i'm just not used to this quite yet...
i wish i was in phoenix right now.
that would have made things different, i think.
staying here makes me feel "left" if you know what i mean.
i'm still in the same environment, where all the memories were made.
everywhere i go, everything reminds me of him.

i just want the day that i can laugh and say,
"oh i remember that" about something that reminds me of him to come.

i don't want to cry anymore...

can't let go . . . 

2007年05月01日(火) 14時11分
it's May of 2007... already.
another semester out the door.
the dreaded month just opened the door.

and this time, a special someone's leaving me.
it's ridiculously hard.
way harder than i expected.
i didn't really think i could like someone this much.
i didn't think i could appreciate someone this much.
i didn't think i could enjoy someon's company this much.
not gonna lie, you could call him my first love.
it's been 7 months.
some may say it's only been 7 months.
to me, it's already 7 months.

of course, we've had our ups and downs.
but he's been patient with me.
i've been patient with him.
it just kinda balanced out well.

my parents liked him.
my siblings liked him.
my friends liked him.

i couldn't have asked for a better boy.
i was incredibly lucky to have him.
especially as my first boy.

we decided that we'll see how the long distance'll be.
if it works, it'll work.
if it doesn't, it just doesn't.

it's gonna be SO hard.
not being able to talk everyday on the phone,
just writing emails back and forth,
it's gonna take time to get used to...

he's told me that i should move to LA on a couple of occasions...
haha too bad i'm not the type of girl to say,
"my bf's moving so i'm moving with him"

i know i will be crying my eyes out when he leaves.
since when have i become such a crier? haha oh man.

how far you've come... 

2007年05月01日(火) 14時03分
it was just one of those days,
nothing's going right and it might all fall apart
she feels like she's just too tired to fight anymore
just how much can one girl take
before she breaks

it was not too long ago
every dream was coming true
but that was all before
she can't figure out what to do
but she knows and
no matter just how much this takes
she won't break

close your eyes, take a breath
don't let yourself forget
you are strong
look how far you've come
pick yourself off the floor
you know you still got more
you are strong
look how far you've come

this is just another test
she'd been through much harder ones before
and she'd passed
she knew she could get through one more
and now she knows
no matter just how much this takes
she won't break

close your eyes, take a breath
don't let yourself forget
you are strong
look how far you've come
pick yourself off the floor
you know you still got more
you are strong
look how far you've come

--keri noble "how far you've come"
♥ P R O F I L E ♥
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  • アイコン画像 ニックネーム:sukisukinow
  • アイコン画像 性別:女性
  • アイコン画像 誕生日:1987年7月22日
  • アイコン画像 血液型:B型
  • アイコン画像 現住所:国外
  • アイコン画像 職業:大学生・大学院生