The Ant 

2006年03月03日(金) 21時58分
This elephant was walking through the jungle one day when she got a thorn in her foot. The further she walked, the more sore it got. After a while she started to limp. After a while, this ant walks up and asks, "Hey, what's the matter?"

The elephant answers, "I've got this thorn in my foot and I would do anything to get it out."

The ant says, "Anything? Would you let me make love to you?"

The elephant thought about it for a minute and decided what the heck. How bad could an ant be? So she agreed.

The ant started pulling on the thorn and sure enough, he got it out. True to her word, the elephant laid down on her side and moved her tail out of the way. The ant crawled up and started loving on her.

This monkey was up in a tree watching this. He couldn't quite believe his eyes. He started laughing and rolling around in the tree. Then he knocked a coconut out of the tree that went down and hit the elephant right between the ears.

The elephant moaned loudly from the hit,"Awwoooohhhhh!"

The ant yelled at the top of his voice, "Take it all B#tch, take it all!!"


2006年03月03日(金) 21時50分
A rich man in a bar is feeling really depressed with life. He's talking to his best buddy and saying that he has it all , porsche, big house, beautiful wife and has experienced it all but doesn't feel satisfied, and was thinking of killing himself.
His buddy asks has he tried gay sex?
The rich man replies no.
The buddy tells him to get out there, find himself a male prostitute and try it. His buddy assures him thatit will change his outlook.
So the rich man leaves the bar looks for a male prostitute but can't find one. However he comes across an old wino lieing completely out of it on the corner of the street. The rich man decides, without the wino's consent, to take advantage of the wino. He pulls the wino's trousers down and ruggers him silly. The wino just lies there, out of it. Afterwards the rich man feels much better, pulls his trousers up and leaves the sleeping wino $50 dollars.
A few hours later the wino wakes uo finds the $50, has no clue where it came from but hops off to the nearest liquor store and gets himself 4 bottles of whiskey.
The next night the rich man wants to do it again and finds the wino sleeping with his last bottle of whisky in the same place as before. The rich man does the same and again leaves the wino $50.
The wino wakes up finds the $50 and goes to the same liquor store and buys four more bottles of whiskey.
The next night again the richman finds the wino in the same place and does the same - now he is so happy with life - and again the wino wakes up to find the $50.
The wino gets up, goes to the same liquor store and this time orders 4 bottles of vodka.
The liquor store owner looks surprised, 'What no whisky tonite".
'No', the wino replies, 'It gives me a sore arse.'

More Jokes 

2006年03月03日(金) 21時49分
A horse walks into a bar.....

A peice of string walks into a bar.......

Rabbit Fur 

2006年03月03日(金) 21時47分
A bear was taking a crap in the woods. Nearby a rabbit was doing the same.
The bear asked the rabbit, "Say, do you have any problem with crap sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit replied, "Why no, I don't believe I've ever had a problem with crap sticking to my fur."

"Glad to hear that," said the bear as he grabbed the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.

The Bank Loan 

2006年03月03日(金) 21時46分
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?

The bank manager looks back at her and says............

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Beautiful and dumb 

2006年03月03日(金) 21時41分
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."


2006年03月03日(金) 21時30分
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

Men marry women hoping they'll stay the same, but they change.
Women marry men hoping to change them, but they stay the same.

The Greek Island - Ios 

2006年03月03日(金) 21時27分
An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill, (the Australian barmaid) takes his order (1 pint of fosters) and notices his Australian accent. Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to come back to his place and have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for the dirty deed. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again orders another fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees.

This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar. But this night he just orders his fosters and goes and sits in the corner. Jill (a little disappointed) thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention and maybe she can skank some cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he tells her Melbourne. "So am I..." she says. "What suburb in Melbourne?" "Glen Iris" he says. "That's amazing..."she says, " am I - what street?" "Cameo Street" he says. "This is unbelievable..." she says, "...what number?" He says "Number 20" and she is astonished. "You are not going to believe this..." she says, "...I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!" "I know..." he says "...your father gave me $1,000 to give to you!"


2006年03月03日(金) 21時25分
Just to show that kiwis can laugh at themselves.

An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.

Ventriloquist: "Hey, good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?"

New Zealander: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?"

Dog: "Doin' alright."

The New Zealander is shocked!

Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?" pointing at the New Zealander?

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

The New Zealander can't believe his ears!

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

New Zealander: "Horse doesn't talk either."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "No worries."

The New Zealander's mouth is agape.

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the New Zealander?

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How's he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

The New Zealander is TOTALLY amazed!

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

New Zealander: "The sheep's a liar."


2006年03月03日(金) 21時24分
An Australian was walking down a country road in New Zealand, when he happened to glance over the fence and see a farmer goin' at it with a sheep.

The Aussie is quite taken aback by this, so he climbs the fence and walks over to the farmer.

He taps him on the shoulder and says, "You know mate, back home, we shear those!"

The New Zealander looks frantically around and says, "I'm not bloody SHEARING this with no one!"
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