Girlish 

July 12 [Wed], 2006, 0:16
office.I am feeling so excited when I sit down to next to him.
I was back to like a girl infront of him.I am so ashamed to talk with him...
Oh gooood!! I am so girly amnt I??
But I dont think I will be able to be with him in the furture.We are co-worker.I cant say to him,if I wanna be dating with him.Coz I dont wanna make some trouble in my office and I dont wanna someone say about my business.I wanna keep away from troubles.
But I am so interested in him much...Today I was depressed coz he was not there.oh...I am so girly amnt I???hahaha

My fear 

February 04 [Sat], 2006, 20:03
As I invited my friends ,I had a Japanese food party in my house.
I really enjoyed with new friends of mine.Nowadays I'm missing Japan strongly.When I spend the time with Japanese friend of mine,my feeling is so safty and comfortable.
One of friend asked me,'why do you wanna stay in AUS??'My answer is just'I wanna speak fluent English more and more.I amn't enoght to speak fluent English yet.
Recently I haven't tryed to speak English with Native speaker.I'm really afraid and embarranssed about my English.
And I'm getting lazy to study....

Diary 

January 16 [Mon], 2006, 15:36
recently I've been impatient for getting a business viza.Cos if I can't get a business viza ,I should go back Japan.Before I gotthis job,emplyer said to me'you may get a business viza'.But they haven't show a result for me yet.
I wanna see my parents ,but I wanna establish my life in here more 1year.
I don't know the reason why I want.But I stay in AUS,I feel so free and safty more than Japan.
Anyway I talked with Seb through the internet yesterday.Suddenly he talked to me in MSN.I was so suprised at the time.We haven't talked each other for a long time.He said to me'I am still in love with you' again.
Before he said like this to me,I couldn't notice his mind,and still now.Cos we have separated each other fover 6months ago.We haven't maken our relationship any more,after we have broken up.He doesn't know about me deeply.I think he missunderstand about me.He just images about me who is like a perfect woman.Cos we haven't met for a long time.
But if he come here again,he would notice about my real character.Please missunderstand!!!

What is my realu intention?? 

January 11 [Wed], 2006, 16:19
I wanna stay in AUS over 1year,but sometime I'm missing Japan.If I can change my viza to bisiness viza,It's good opportunity for me.But for drive and motuvation,it would be meaningless to stay in AUS.
Recentlly I'm afraid that I can't see my furture.Because I don't have a real pair in AUS and even though Japan.I sometime feel as if I was just lonly in the world.It's falt.But I've always looked for my real mate.I know it's human.I wish I got a real mate as soon as possible.
I'm eager this is n't an artificial love.Before I often made insuling attitude about my ex-boyfriends.
I can't deny I was egoistic.I excused myself for avoiding my troble.

My ex-boyfriend was so honest for me in AUS,he had always showed his mind and he had been considerate of me.But he left AUS,hr hardly reflect on me after all.Gradually I couldnt trust his remarks.And then I escaped from him and compicated enviroments.
But I didn't regred my attitude...
It was a good experience for me.However mistakable I am,I always trust by myself.
I wanna be such Zaza as she has a stubborn mind.
What do I want ?What can I enjoy in my life?
Don't miss all of opportunioties!!!

An old friend of mine 

November 18 [Fri], 2005, 23:33
I have an old friend of mine in Japan.I have known her for a long time.But we are totaly different about our opinion.Before If I couldn't comprehend about her opinion,I would comform myself to her opinion.But recently I couldn't comform myself and I'm getting not to be able to stand about her speech.
I have many friend of mine who have totally defferent of my opinion.But I can understand thier philosophy and mind.And sometime I could be realized new philosophies,and then I would get a good things by them.
But I can't comprehend about an old friend of mine's philosorhy,and I don't wanna understand it....I was annoyed with her speeches many time.But we are still keeping touch with each other.
We are getting an adult,we are comletely defferent everything... I think that I don't like her,but I can't catch her opinion.That's all...I think that I won't be able to dissolve our problem.Cos I can't attempt to repair our friendship.Actually we didn't argue each other.we are just incompatible with each other...I have no reason why I can't be flexible and open to her opinion as before.

Helen's Birthday party again 

November 17 [Thu], 2005, 21:40
Friend of mine's birthday party!!!AGAIN!!
I understand today is her real birthday party...But I can't stay in this party for a long time,cos tomorrow is my first working.I have to go to bed early in this night.I can't drink a lot in this night.Anyway I'm gonna go to Helen's house tonight.

Yesterday friend of mine sent e-mail to me.He wrote about my ex-boyfriend...He told me that my ex-boyfriend said to everygirl 'I love you' like this.I knew him who was so playboy and liked girl so much.I realized about my ex-boyfriend deeply.I didn't wanna hear from another person.Cos I wanna keep a good memories about our relationship...I don't wanna get like this information from him...
He is nosy and meddlesome...Please let me alone!!! Please keep out of it! Someone really like to interfere about someone's business. I amn't interested in someone's gossip ....
I just wanna complain about everyone's nosy.What's a meddlesome!!! I don't wann dirty about my memories with my ex-boyfriend...

Oh!! I felt unpleasant.. Cos I belived in me and my memories.Tha's all!!
But I am Japanese,I care about someone's gossip.I can't mind someone said my scandal,this is my behavior...I wanna change my behavior... If I can change this behavior,I might grow up next step!!
I hope 'Please don't interfere about my business!!!' Now I don't wanna hear negative things.I don't wanna hear someone's scandal about me!! AHHHHH!!!!!
I felt unpleasant!!!!Desgusting!!!

Deep regret 

November 16 [Wed], 2005, 13:51
I haven't written dialy in English for a while...I have to study English...Nowadays I am getting lazy...I couldn't wake up until 11o'clock...I am so worried about my job which I can wake up at 8...And my writing is getting terrible ...no!! Horrible... and awful...Destinctly I'm getting bad my English...And I lost my motubation again recently.I have a destinct purpose but I have always taken a wrong derection...I don't wanna regret about my decision...But I amn't mature yet...Oh!I can't comprehend about me.I just wanna complain about my behavior and my action... I have a lot of frustration by myself... Take it easy!!! I repeat this contents...I didn't misstake anything,I could do a right way always...I can do everything by myself...

I'm stupid 

November 15 [Tue], 2005, 18:11
I'm so stupid and bitch and slat.....
I can't explain about my action...I've duplicated the same error always. I didn't have a lot of frustration...
I know I mustn't do that ,but I've always duplicated .....SHIT!!!!
Rediculous!!! If I regret my action,I mustn't do that on this night...
AHHHHHH!!! I wanna say I'm stupid..........

Beer!!!! Beer!!! 

November 14 [Mon], 2005, 14:45
I went to bar with Yuko!!
I have droken alcohole everyday recently.I have to stop a drinking...
I worry about my liver...

Sunday 

November 13 [Sun], 2005, 0:45
I want to park with my friend by the ferry. Actually he was my boyfriend just for 2days...
He was so kind and honest for me.He told me,'I wanna be your boyfriend,Can you be my sweetheart?' I said to him at first,I couldn't do your wish...Cos I'm afraid to separat with my boyfriend again. But he tried to tell me many time.I'd change my mind.
But I met him,I noticed that I didn't like him...I had a kind of feeling that I couldn't like him from at first..
But I did it!! And finally I said to him,I couldn't countine our relationship anymore..I felt 'I'm so sorry...I'm stupid....I'm still kid.I have to respect my friend.
I've have a stupid behavior again....... I am sorry.....
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» Diary (2006年01月18日)
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» Helen's Birthday party again (2005年11月25日)
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