I LOVE羞恥心　

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

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I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Smith & Wesson ﾂ?the original point and click interface.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Mit der Dummheit kﾃ､mpfen Gﾃｶtter selbst vergebens

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Why don't you write books people can read?

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Why don't you write books people can read?

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.

Barabﾃ｡si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ﾂ?whether it is correct or not.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

In this war ﾂ?as in others ﾂ?I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

In this war ﾂ?as in others ﾂ?I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

Smith & Wesson ﾂ?the original point and click interface.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsﾂ?

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

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One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If thereﾂ痴 one thing I know itﾂ痴 God does love a good joke.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

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Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

The truth is more important than the facts.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ﾂ?however slight ﾂ?lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ﾂ?and better tools.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

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I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

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