new year 

January 10 [Sun], 2010, 19:21


Happy late new year...

I had a great new year days with my friends, family and my ex.
We had lots of fun!!!
We didn't do special things but just spending time with everyone made me really happy.

And Today....Ive got a ticket .
Yes , a ticket....

A Speeding ticket....
I was driving 60km and the police pulled over me because I was driving fast....LOL
I had no idea but laugh....

The road was 40km and I was 60....
Ridiculous...

Now I have to pay 15, 000 yen for the ticket....
Sucks...

anyway, happy new year for everyone.

He's coming to town. 

December 21 [Mon], 2009, 7:49
My ex is coming in a week.
I am excited but nervous at the same time.
I have a feeling for him still but not exactly sure if it is love.
I would get jealous if someone gets him maybe...
But I don't know what to do with my feeling.
I don't have anyone who I attract to.
And no opportunity to meet men in my current life.

Oh well....He is coming anyway.
I will try not to argue with him.

2009 is over in two weeks...
Wow..This is amazing!
It was quick.
Which means I've been here for a year almost.
i can't believe that I am in japan for 1 year.
This is pretty amazing yes.
i didn't think that the time passes so quick.

anyway, i work hard.
I gotta go now .
haha

nobody likes to be alone.... 

November 30 [Mon], 2009, 21:36
I thought I was fine being alone.
And I still think I am fine with it, but I feel lonely when I am doing nothing.
I like to be active because I don't feel alone.
For the past months, I think I rarely had "alone time" ...
Oh by the way, my alone time means staying home without my friends.
I don't mind driving, shopping studying by myself. I am used to it and I prefer that way.

but these days...I am getting understand the circumstance in where all my frineds are having bfs.
That makes me sad a bit...
But I know I don't deserve having a bf at the moment.
I "can't" have one.

I can't find someone who is way better than my ex bf and mikhail.
These two are the top guys I've ever met....
They are damn soo cool.

Plus my ex is visiting in Dec.
It would be so awkward if I had a bf and entertain my ex at the same time...
That can't happen.
My ex is pretty depressed because he lost his best friend ....
Yes , It is harsh time for him...
But He needs to get over it.

i understand it is pretty hard to go through friends' loss...
I had a few.....
Jeff was the closest person I lost as a friend so far...but it was pretty tough time.

rather than having weekends, I prefer working because I don't have to think what to do for plenty of free time.
rather than asking friends to hang out with, I prefer going somewhere by myself.
Because I know they refuse my invitations.
They are hanging out with thier gfs, bfs . friends...etc...

So I feel lonely and sometime hate the weekends...

Lazy day 

November 30 [Mon], 2009, 7:54
My weekend was nothing special.
I spent alone most of the time.
I went shopping , driving, and was watching movies, dramas.

Oh but started knitting again.
I made a knit cap already.
I got bored doing it so I thought I wouldn't make another one.
But since I had to kill the time somehow, i decided to make something else.

Whaaaa...
I felt I wasted a weekend...but sometime, I should spent time for just myself.
I know...

OMG i do not want to go to work today...

Exausted... 

November 26 [Thu], 2009, 21:24
whoooa....I am so exhausted.
I am in a BIG PROJECT now and its due was this wed. However, I couldn't catch up so I begged to extend the Due date. And it is tomorrow...
I think I will finish everything by tomorrow...but I am very confused with every little things that the company requires me.
seriously this job is amazing...
I hate to be in responsible but it grows me up well.
And I hate to interact with people there but it helps me to learn there are many different types of people.
I hate to be in a meeting but it helps me to learn more business english words, manners, and so on.
So I won't quit.
I don't want to be a "Loser" there.
I can tell it is quite tough especially for someone who doesn't know much about English.
They just consider you that you already know english...so you can deal with different manufacturing site. It's wrong.
Even today, i was told to have a phone conference with people in Singapore by myself.and I said No. yea Its fine by me talking to them in english , there are no problems but I don't know what the company wants me to ask/clearify things....
blah blah blah...but anyway

I am soo tireeeeed.
so off to bed.

my 3 days off 

November 24 [Tue], 2009, 22:08
Oh I went to Tokyo, actually, Ichikawa, chiba.
One of my friends lives in there.
He's going back to America in next year so I wanted to see him before

Of course I will visit him again sometime, but since he's moving to Hiroshima soon,I wanted to hang out before he leaves there.
Anyway, it was great!
we went to Yakitori place which was a tiny place but sooo delicious!
Also we watched a movie called Inglorious basters....?
Brad pitt is on the movie.

We got drunk, chat, great night!

Good bye bro... 

November 19 [Thu], 2009, 20:30


Well...Had a bad news...
Dave passed away ....
He was one of my brothers in San Fran....

He took care of me ...
He is dead...
Still hard to accept...

what a life...
I prayed and prayed lots in the night when I heard the news that he had been missing...
He was found at beach...

I am not sure what happened to him...
but we assumed he accidently fell down form crib at beach while he was taking pics..
Dave...that was too short life for you...seriously...

Oh my....
Have no words still...

Yes...what a life...

I pray .... 

November 16 [Mon], 2009, 20:53
Hve heard a bad news...I guess....
My Friend Dave has been missing since last Thursday...
He was sorta stupid guy that I didn't like much...
But He always took care of me when we hang out..
I didn't like when he was doing drugs.
He was totally addicted to hard core drugs...yes..
but he was always working hard and do whatever he wanted.
Yes, he was a total ass****.
But...still......
He's still a good guy ...
So Please I hope he will show up and say Hi again for me.
The police just found his car and will invest around the neighbor tomorrow.

It's not cool man....
I am here ...
Dave, you gotta go back to home and work at strip club like usual!!!
You gotta do that.
Always talking about your future dreams and take us to places!!!
You gotta buy us fancy dinners again man!
you gotta show us the flushy fashion style yo,

Maaan.,.Where are you ?
I am praying for you so bad...

Should I go for it...? 

November 09 [Mon], 2009, 20:52
For the past two weeks, I have been thinking of my turning point.
Tell you this straight, ...should I get married?
I am not looking forward to still but I think it may make my life better.
What's the benefit of marriage?
I don't know...
Just having kids isn't the benefit...
Just having a important person next me isn't the benefit.
These are the fundamental aspects of marriage I believe.
So, What else can people say about marriage?

Sharing the moment with a special person?
I dont know...
But I think it is a time for me to decide .....
By the end of this year...
I will decide...
Even if I don't want to get marry right now..
Because I think I love him and don't want to lose him....

hahaha
I have had many bfs but this guy is the most kind person .
Always care of me, kind to me, think of me , ...
Many things .

But I don't know...If I really should go for this...

Don't make me dissapointed 

October 22 [Thu], 2009, 21:18
I talked to my ex on the phone for no reasons.
I just wanted say what's up.
Ok. Now he is looking for another job.
At the moment, he is waiting for a position in the Navy.
He just passed the test and just waiting for a phone call from Navy people.
But there are no available position that he wants to get.
So, He started contacting with his ex co-worker to see if his company looks for someone.
And I guess his ex co-worker will set up an interview for my ex.
For the moment, I thought he was getting a part time, but it was full time.
which is fine because I know that he needs a job even though he is waiting for the available position in the Navy.
But still makes a sense.
However, I have a feeling that he will again change his mind not to join in the Nayv.
He keeps changing his mind all the time.
that I really know.esp for circumstance where he has to face for life.
yes, I understand because he is mature man and needs to establish better life.
But all I want for him is to prove me how much he can stick with one thing that he already have made a decision for.
His mission is to get in Navy at the moment....

i dont even know what I am writing about now...
But all I want to tell him is ...
don't change your mind so easily.
I want to trust you again but if you do that,
it gives me a tough choice...=(
don't let me down anymore.

you already stated that you will prove yourself to me.

so I will trust the word you said.
P R
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