June 15 [Thu], 2006, 3:10
And i've finally realized that being nice doesn't get you anywhere in life.. really. If you're too nice, all it'll do is give other more clever ppl to take advantage of you. So my new goal is to acheive a good balance.. I mean, look at E: she's so good at making other ppl to do stuff for her, and other ppl enjoy helping her. I want to be just like her as a girl, but I know I'm smarter so I can be better. I admit that she's very pretty, but at the same time, I'm not too bad looking either, so if I lose a few pounds I can be more like a "koakuma". Why not take advantage of other guys, when they're willing? I have theh looks for it anyway, so I might as well use it. Don't eat.. don't eat..
March 19 [Sun], 2006, 12:37
bah.. i really dont know what i want anymore.. i know i've liked G for a pretty long time, but im starting to have a crush on S too. but all that aside, why am i so picky with the smallest details? it's not like im that great either, so i dont even have a reason to be so picky. and i cant dance even if my life depended on it. grrrr i should stop going out so much too. i feel really cheap. i mean, i dont mind kissing him but then i dont really want other ppl to think anything of it. am i being selfish? yea w/e.. the point is, i dont think im ready for another relationship. why do i keep on finding sth wrong w/ the person that i like? yesterday, i really felt like our table was the dasai ppl table & now that i think about it, that's probably what everybody at the table felt too, and i feel really stupid for thinking that.. ahhh i need to be less self-concious. k, no coin flips.. i need to decide who i like better. he who chases two gets none..
February 09 [Thu], 2006, 2:11
what's wrong w/ me? i never felt so powerless before.. i can't get myself to study or eat well. it feels like my whole mood revolves around W, and that can't be a good sigh. i ate a muffin, 2 bagels, and a choco bar in the morning today.. what kind of breakfast is that? maybe i'll skip lunch & work out in the afternoon to make up for it. yea that sounds like a plan. and i swear i'll study today.. watching him study and me slacking off makes me feel helpless. i cant wait to c my friends.. 2 more days till friday!!
February 08 [Wed], 2006, 11:41
*sigh*.. i ate too much again =( 3 pb slices + 2 slices + cereal + muffin.. o well, i really gotta get back on track & stop eating junk food tho.. and i need to start studying for the exam. maybe i'll do 1hr per day, that way at least i'll get some done. study & control urself!!
February 06 [Mon], 2006, 12:18
new yr's resolution: stop eating at unnecessary times & start losing weight! i really want to look like how i used to back in highschool.. maybe a tiny bit curvier. seriously, what's so attractive about pb? am i just eating cuz im depressed/bored/angry? the answer is yes, and u know it urself too, so why cant u just stop doing that? or at least try to control myself.. k, i've decided that im not gonna eat any junk food for the next WHOLE damn week.. and if i do, well i wont so there's no ifs and buts. grr. NO MORE SWEET STUFF!! and about J, i'll try to care less and sort of enjoy the current situation. i mean we kissed but u can barely call that a kiss, and it was when we were drunk anyway, so i guess it doesn't count.. hey, maybe if i lose weight and become hotter than he'll look at me differently too. i dont care anymore if u think that it's just a game.. i'll play the game my way, and in the end, u're the one who's gonna be sorry and begging for me to be ur girl. all the guys that ive known so far had feelings for me, so shouldnt i be more confident about myself? just cuz u look a bit cute, that doesnt mean the whole world's in ur hands and im gonna let u know that!! so my plan is: lose weight, become prettier, and snatch ur heart! if K can do it, then i can do it too.. i think im pretty determined when it comes to things, and i know i can do it. oh yea i gotta study for my exam too.. im not failing anything twice so i'll study hard this time and ace it. NO MORE JUNK FOOODDD!!!! zettai zettai toriko ni sasete miseru yo!