Oh I'm gonna bitch smack you bitch 

2007年09月15日(土) 5時00分
Yey redundancy!

You're 16. You will be 17 in a month.

And you're what? I didn't quite hear you the first time you insulted me? Oh. Yeah. As smart and as mature as a twenty-two year old boy.

I don't care if you got asked out by some twenty-two year old college student who works at a bakery. What I do care about is that you said you were, "Smarter and on a higher mental level then the juniors at this school."

Let's compare grades, shall we? Oh, look, I win.

Let's compare test scores. Oh look at that, what a coincidence.

Now, as for being on a higher mental level then me and all of the other juniors, what? You're on the mental level of a twenty-two year old guy? Aren't guys mentally five years younger then their actual age until they hit like, twenty-five or thirty? (Oddly enough, only one guy has disagreed with this so far.)

Okay, then there's also the whole 'part of maturity is modesty' thing.

And then you say you're on a higher mental level because you were forced into it by your living situation. You had a loving family with the exception of fucked up brothers until your mom cheated on your dad and left.

I can name dozens of people with worse living situations then you. I mean, you saying you have it bad is like me saying I grew up on the street. It's just not true. All families have their problems. Some are more fucked up then others. Neither of us have perfect family, but growing up we both had it pretty damn well. Your living situation did not force you into having a 'higher mental level' or anything of that sort.

And the only reason you're a senior is because Maine starts kids in school a year earlier. So what if you understood Japanese better then everyone else in our class last year and the year before. You didn't know everything and you still don't.

I'm glad you told that guy no. You may say it was a mistake because you are on his level of maturity, but there is just too huge an age gap.




Oh, and what was that load of crap? I told you no matter what mental level you were on, you and this guy are on two different walks of life. You're about to graduate high school and go into the local college where as he is going to graduate college soon and will be leaving to go wherever he wants for a job pertaining to his major, assuming he has something set up and is one of the 9/10 people who want to get out of Kentucky after college.

You cannot say that you graduating high school is the same thing as him graduating college. You guys are in two completely different places. Don't say stupid things.

Grow up. Get over yourself. And stop acting all high and mighty.

Am I Loved? 

2007年09月04日(火) 4時39分
I don't feel loved at all. I fell like a piece of shit that people use for their own selfish purposes only to throw me away when they're done. But damn it I'd love to be loved.

I think I pissed Ryuu-kuu off at me which really sucks because I love her. I sent her an apology letter on the oekaki. When I checked this morning in my sent box, she hadn't opened it yet. When I checked back a few hours later she had deleted it. I'm not sure if she read it, I think she did, but she certainly didn't reply so now I'm just not sure where I stand with her. And that really sucks, if I started a fight between us because I got sick of her talking about that Hana-Kimi show.

I hope she gets online tonight so we can work this out. I don't want her to be angry at me.

This was really bothering me. One of my friends dislikes Ryuu and I confided in them my worries. I was hoping that they could be mature enough to put their hatred for her behind them and just let me confide in them, but instead they went on a rant about how they don't like her. I like to be able to tell somebody my worries without them bashing the girl I fucking love. Grow up. It's not all about you all the time. All you had to do was listen to me say, "I hope she's not pissed off at me because I snipped at her when she constantly spoke of Hana-Kimi." Say that it'd be okay, and then we could move on. You don't have to fucking diss Ryuu. That's fucking uncool and you need to grow up.

But enough of that. I don't want to think about that again until Ryuu gets online.

I went to take pictures of a very old, unkempt grave yard in a park behind the hospital. The graves were crumbled and cut in half. There was a big cement box raised to the surface and half of the lid was missing. The foliage was everywhere. One grave had the light hitting it perfectly.

The walk home was a long one and I thought I was about to freaking die.

Well, now. I have an LJ that I update regularly, a blog on blogger that I update regularly, and now this thing.

We'll see how long this lasts.

Fuu~ 

2007年09月03日(月) 12時49分
Look I win.
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