you're always gonna be the one. 

2005年06月10日(金) 12時01分

just typing an entry before i go out to meet jingpey. we're going to queensway to get her boots & yes, have meatballs!!

nah i didnt manage to see him yesterday. it's either he left early or late ):

sad sad sad.

but on the other hand, found out something about him. he has washboard abs super hottttt i tell you! <3 <3 although it's abit weird lah cos he's pretty skinny.

ok i saw this picture of him from his classmate's blog. they had a class outing to the beach {晴} yes he was topless! >_<

at first i was still contemplating to look or not haha. cos it felt wrong to do so. but ah wells. i still looked anyway =P

ok suddenly feel so perverted LOL.

but he doesnt look good in those pictures leh ): so i wont tell anyone about it, in case they start bugging me to let them see the picture lol.

back! (: 

2005年06月09日(木) 13時21分

im finally back in action hahhs. after so long!

actually nothing really much to update. just that it's the june holidays now & im slacking my life away like nobody's business =x

i know, i know. i'll start studying soon. i will not fail the midyears!!

it's been EONS since i last saw バス男の子 i miss him alotalot. always hoping i'll bump into him somewhere but nooooooo.

think im gonna die of a massive heartache soon.

however, he has judo camp today! ok it's the last day today. & i have touch rugby training. so im crossing my fingers i'll get to see him. pretty please?!

-prays hard

i think.. i have this gigantic crush on him.

& sometimes i feel quite shallow about it. as in, i dont even know him well & here i am, head over heels in love with him.

i just love his pretty eyes & the fact that he helped this blind man to his seat on the bus. i thought that was really rare of a singaporean guy.

i also like the way he's so tall & tanned.

& his smile. yes that smile (:

do you believe in love at first sight?

i do.

in too deep. 

2005年05月26日(木) 12時43分
havent blogged in 4 days.

things between us are fine already. but still trying to keep a distance away from him cos i dont want his girlfriend to be upset again & think that we've sth going on. she's already pretty sad normally so.. yup.

i miss bus guy loads. it's the 6th day im not seeing him already.

dying, dying, dying, dead.

i guess everybody doesnt know im so serious about him. they just think he's some eyecandy that i like looking at.

in actual fact, i think ive fallen hard for him.

& im scared. so scared of him rejecting me. so scared that he'll avoid me someday. so scared that he'll tell me i have someone else in mind already.

what would i do then?

at a loss. 

2005年05月22日(日) 1時39分
so my suspicions were correct afterall.. he asked me those questions because he's eff-ing attracted to me. which he apparently thinks it's ok cos he says everyone is attracted to beautiful things.


and he told his girlfriend. during their apparent "cooling-off" period.

i have no idea how am i supposed to face her next time.

& everyone else. because she posted it on her blog.

"I had casually mentioned about a horrible dream I had concerning ZY and another classmate of his, Vanessa. And to my surprise, it was actually true. In the dream, I'd dreamt that he had told me he liked another girl, Vanessa. In reality, it's true too."

someone please tell me what to do.

tired & drained over this matter.

i hate hate hate hate hate him.

fuck off you bastard.

been unusually vulgar these days.

super weary now.

& on top of everything else, i miss bus guy so much it hurts.

hurts real bad.


2005年05月17日(火) 11時32分
weird things have been happening these days. dont really know how to react =|

am i thinking too much?? why do i feel that those questions somehow mean something? & did i somehow say something wrong?

anyhows didnt go to school today. too tired after that stupid 2.4km run. and i still feel slightly awkward over what happened.

it's like he has a girlfriend le?! really hope it's nothing & just a casual question.

missing bus guy. we're still continuing our routine of bumping into each other everywhere. i have to admit, it's really difficult trying to forget him. still find myself looking out for him despite my attempt to forget him.


remember the time. 

2005年05月14日(土) 11時55分
Do you remember
When we fell in love
We were young and innocent then
Do you remember
How it all began
It just seemed like heaven
So why did it end?

Do you remember the time
When we fell in love
Do you remember the time
When we first met
Do you remember the time
When we fell in love
Do you remember the time

Do you remember
How we used to talk
We'd stay on the phone
At night till dawn
Do you remember
All the things we said like
I love you so
I'll never let you go

never meant to feel this way. 

2005年05月14日(土) 11時52分

miss the old times when the sec 2/4 ppl always go to play ball after school. yijun & i were the regulars for girls & jason, kenneth, seowang, song guang, victor etc. damn fun lah! i still rmb jason trying to teach me how to do lay-ups haha.

met up with karen peirong & jingpey at chompchomp for dinner after playing basketball.=. jingpey's 17 bought her a slice of cake which i unfortunately squashed. & the most embarrassing thing was that i didnt know how to use the lighter-_- luckily this MJ guy came to my rescue but he had to re-light the candle like many times cos there were alot of fans nearby haha. glad to see that our surprise worked (: sat around & talked for very long.

i love my girls damn much i miss peirong & karen & jenrine so much, it's unbelivable. miss our impromptu singing sessions in class. & i definitely miss choo xinling x( really tough to meet up with her.

never stopped wishing i can turn back time.

but found many good friends here in nyjc. & someone who understands me - huiling (: guess it's because we're of the same personality therefore the same frequency?? haha. really appreciate the people who listens whenever i need them.

but it's just not the same anymore.

バスケットボール <3 

2005年05月14日(土) 11時00分
had a really weird dream last night haha. about his family renting a room at my grandma's house. & in my dream i liked him too lol. then my brother made friends with him but i didnt tell him it was bus guy. after that the rest is a blur. lol i still rmb there's one scene of me, my brother & him having dinner together outside. -_-

hahhs speaking of my brother, he has ANOTHER girl falling for him again -_- haha she's my age xD apparently she calls him everyday. lol xD but read his blog recently & i think the girl he likes is attached already x( feel sad for him lah.

my brother rocks (: & in a way zhiyang reminds me of him. the big brother type. guess im quite lucky huh.

played basketball yesterday with zhiyang & meikuan. was supersuper fun! (: i miss basketball so much. miss the thrill of getting the ball into the net, dribbling & just plain shooting hoops. played with some ITE guys. i still feel bad that i asked this guy which jc was he from. there was a moment of silence & then he told me he was from ITE. saw the sadness in his eyes :( bahh :(

anw. it was fun playing with them (: teamed up with this cute guy! xD i played really horribly though, think the guy wants to kill me haha.

i want to play again next week (: playing ball makes me happy (:

i miss you :( 

2005年05月12日(木) 21時54分
that's it. my attempt to avoid him failed miserably. i tried to avoid him for 2 days & i realised that i was missing him really much

what am i supposed to do?

& the weird thing was the more i tried to avoid him, the more i will see him. like on wednesday. i tried taking the later bus. & later on during econs, when i was accompanying huiling to the canteen to get some food, i bumped into him. was staring at the floor as we walked past each other.

was trying really hard not to look at him during econs lecture. but i couldnt :(

& then later on when we were having lunch, he was sitting at the table just next to mine & FACING me >_< i think he saw me too & tried to move in. i was like damn embarrassed.

seems like i cant avoid him.

just lying to myself that i can forget him just by avoiding him. i cant i cant i cant

i wonder how he feels. i saw from the corner of my eye during the volleyball match that he was looking at me when i walked past twice. but im not his type right?


feeling just utterly miserable. & i still have to fake like im happy in school.

tired of putting up a front. but i hate people asking me what's wrong & if im ok. sometimes i feel like screaming at them " NO IM NOT OK LEAVE ME ALONE " but they came with kind intentions so.

urgh. feeling all PMS-ey.

indirect rejection. 

2005年05月09日(月) 21時52分
i feel really horrible inside. i want to cry so badly, but i cant. i just cant.

meikuan told me stuff about edmund today. stuff that yu xian told her about. She said, “I have good news & bad news.” The good news was Edmund doesn’t like this girl from his class during 1st 3 mths anymore. And that he doesn’t like anyone now. & the bad news was.. I wasn’t his type. When I heard that, my heart immediately sank. That was it. My plans to ask for his number disappeared too. I mean, I cant when I already know he’s not even interested. Yu xian said he doesn’t mind us being friends but I MIND. I know that if we become friends, I’ll continue falling deeper & deeper.

I don’t want history to repeat itself again.

but.. i really, really like him.

now thinking of taking the earlier or later bus to avoid him. I guess this will help in trying to forget him.

i hate myself. why am I like that. suckkkkkkkkkk.

wonder who’s that girl. lucky her.

i wish it was me.

feeling really tired. just want to have a long, long sleep & when i wake up, maybe everything was just a dream.

just a few days ago i was damn happy. cos we eye-contacted while getting off the bus. ok he got off first & I was lining up behind ppl to alight too. & I saw him outside so I turned to look. & at the same time, he turned to look up into the bus so we eye-contacted. for the past few days I kept thinking that perhaps he might feel the same way as I do for him too.

but no. i guess i was wrong.

i half-wish mk didn’t tell me. & that I could live in my own fantasy for a long time. my own fairytale.
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