January 03 [Thu], 2008, 0:45
uugghh,,,i just went to my grandparents(my father's side) they will always drive me crazy. I can't handle my cousin on that side of the family and i can't handle the grandparents either. this just sucks because that family is so close-knit. and it's soo obvious that i'm not. when i met my grandmother i went into near fights with her because she lacks in the ability to hear! I was saving my crab snack and she took that as me not liking it then we got into this mini fight. my mother had to defend me. i was about to cry...ugghhh. they annoy me to death. but if that becomes even a little apparent they get all pussed up and treat me as evil. i wish they would just dissapear or something. they just annoy me and make me feel bad everytime.even last year, the same kind of annoyance. and my father. he wants to put me against them or something. and that just pisses me off. he does not defend me.uugghh.
December 18 [Tue], 2007, 22:06
i can't believe i have done it again. please forgive me god even though i totally just reduced my chinese class to a maggot festival. In reality i love my chinese class and teachers. i am so glad i got the real nice and good ones. i am thankful forever. i really am glad that i was not stuck with a total shithead teacher because frankly chinese class is totally known for that. i know i just said that i would burn my chinese text once the whole thing is over but you know i would never do that. i just spilled an overload cuz learning a new language is so hard. i just wanna pass and enjoy slacking off,,,,oh shit i did it again. god, i am not gonna take my wonderful life for granted. i get pissed off when i see people who get all pussed up when they lack something despite their having a more than perfect life. we should be lucky to be able to see light and walk and... i know i get pussed up as well but i never mean them and i never will. people who get all pussed out for nothing should get a life. my life is so great now. sometimes i just want time to stop. just going to school and then chillin to watch sex and the city. This is the life. i love my chinese teachers. i am gonna make the most of it and love them and enjoy them while i can.
March 24 [Sat], 2007, 20:09
well well well, i am officially out of hell...highschool!!!i even have the damn papers to prove it. my life is going great now, spring vacation, i am in, and loving every second of it. soo fabulous! I could wake up at noon for all i care and i don't have to be worried about my permanent records or whatnot!what i'm bummed for is, college.all the members that i loathed in highschool are in the same english course with me and i feel like gagging every time i think of that.i'm not looking forward to college life and i'm in an even more fucked up mood because this bitch that i never liked actually had the nerve to text me this lame ass message about her new college life and her new home in TOKYO and whatever else that's new. why don't she get a new face while she's at it. it sure would do her good in such a fabulous city.i would love to get out of here. i would love to go to america again. just for a week. in fact i am gonna promise myself that i will be on a plane headed to the states next year at this time.i really need that. these days i'm wondering about my future. what do i want to be? I am also into watching satc with sarah jessica parker and am extremely envious of those four women. all leading fabulous lives, with their fabulous jobs, fabulous life in new york and everything! A part of me wants to be like that cuz who wants to get married at 20 and have four noisy stinko babies living miserably with a man you didn't like anyways! I mean anyone who says they're dream is to be a young blushing bride and be a young mom as well obviously has a ham for a brain. It's sooo unoriginal and seeing others who achieved this so-called dreams it is likely that it well end on a more fabulous note.i'd rather be in my late thirties party-hopping and dating men without grudge and living fabulously!I am going to swear to myself that i will not give in to peer pressure and marry off to some guy just for the sake of marriage! I am gonna be single and nooo children for the rest of my life.i don't think i can even bare to think about childbirth!lol It's disturbing! but what if time is decieving and i get married to a guy that is the absolute nightmare and have four babies that are going to lead me to suicide. what if that happens!? it can happen! I just have to stay firm with my promise. you know what i just hope to god that everything works out for the best including my college life. i'm really praying this time.
December 04 [Mon], 2006, 22:34
I cannot believe i will have to be taking extra classes during winter vacation because my school FUCKED UP!And i just cannot believe my luck in my ski session this winter.i was miraculously ripped from everyone i know, and was put into the group of hell full of all the popular egocentric people, who i will never speak to!my school life is the pits and somehow god arranged it for me so that it would be the center of my universe.I am just soo unlucky, and i dearly ask god not to give me any more bad luck!Please! Do not spit me with the triple 6 and the continuous 4's!My god and just right now i had to be desperate and called someone who would not be happy to recieve my call.i am just near rock bottom. so god please don't give me any more! I already have them waiting during my ski sessions.
just two more days...i can't believe my luck. I hate this world at times. My school i s a cycle of hate and disrespect.people are mean to me but i'm mean to them too. Everyone is shallow, including me.even the ones that seem truthful and deep are extremely shallow at times. You know who i'm talking about.i'm angry at myself too. I'm so shallow at times, so stupid. i don't have any right calling others shallow, but it pisses me off to see people who are tormented go off and act shallow and dumb and retarded once they get into the light. I'm like that too. I guess there is no such thing as a human who embodies the truth.I guess that is why we're human. Cuz we're so shallow and decieving.please god, please be with me. maybe i'm over-reacting but please.let me be a teenager. cuz my teenage clock is ticking and is about to break.please please please just let me get what i want...but that's selfish. just please god, give me something that is best for me and will make me happy in the long run.
October 09 [Mon], 2006, 22:29
i'm gonna have school tomorrow. what a bummer!i wonder if i'm gonna dread school when i'm in college too.right now i'm listening to my teen angst music "I don't like mondays" by the boomtown rats.loltoday i went to the city and read this book about a favorite artist of mine which i have been anticipating for months! But when i read it, i was kinda surprised at how volatile and mean and diva-ish that artist can be. i mean with his outrageous appearance one should expect such things, but i guess i kind of expected him to be tough but soft on the inside. i was reading the bits and pieces about his childhood, but he was such a brat! A prankster! I guess this is the price you pay for wanting to look into a superstar's personal life.but i still love his music. i'm just devastated that he was just another dirty-mouthed punk who just so happens to write wonderful music and owns a great deal of compassion and charisma.
well back to the subject of school. i hate it. it's all about who's on what rank and trying to either socially out-rank someone or keep your place. it's sad. i just wanna go through my school life without worrying about my social position which is obviously very low indeed.i just wanna take things day by day. actually if i start thinking about the other one hundred days that i will have to be going to school, i will probably choke and die. so as my mother always says, just one at a time.
September 29 [Fri], 2006, 19:04
i am tired to death.i can't believe i went a whole week. i'm surprised i'm still alive.
i have had sooo many problems.finally!it's the weekend. today was such shit!FIRST I HAD SOCIAL PROBLEMS, THEN TODAY THIS FUCKING BITCH OF A GYM TEACHER TANGLED UP MY BODY SO MUCH, I AM SORE AS CRAP!someday i'm gonna shoot that damn bitch up, cuz she is one annoying son of a bitch!well, i'm tired both mentally and physically so i well get offline. bye!
September 28 [Thu], 2006, 22:48