First class for the semester.

October 18 [Tue], 2011, 12:11
History lesson wasn't bad as i thought it would be. And who would have thought that for all these years for all the subjects that we were required to take during primary school through junior college were soo much of a use for today in university studies.

At the same time, i truely felt thankful and blessed because i was surrounded by good and bubbly friends around me who i can confide to in times when i'm in despair. Im blessed with having a wonderful parents who are capable to support my educations throughout all
these years while i'm in university.

Most of all im thankful to god for showing me the right path in life and also to let me
be able to continue with my education and also giving me the strenght and ability to
move on from feeling despair throughout my life.




Upset

September 05 [Mon], 2011, 1:20
I slept the whole entire day today. I just realize i never mention anything about shopping last night(on my previous post) while i was at great world city. I bought two shirt and one ballet dress for Nina.

Its monday and im hoping good news regarding my passport comes around today. Otherwise, i shall forget about furthering my studies.

Im not quite sure,how i will manage to put through the rest of the days all by myself around, but im sure at some point i'll get adapted to it. I guess in life there's no necessary need for companion because at the end of everything i'll always end up with a broken heart.

Im not quite sure,how i'm going to go through with my life with Nina. I just realize the person who i needed the most also went and left. I have not much of a social support because not everyone knows about Nina presence.

I set my mind on isolating myself from everyone due to this depression im currently in just to avoid more disappointments and avoid anyones contact because then it will open the door for conversation, as though like i want that.

Im very upset with myself now.








I cry silently.

September 04 [Sun], 2011, 6:33
I stayed up three hours in the arcade all by myself playing car games and hammering animals just to vent my anger and sadness. I did not went home, as i'm not mentally prepare to confront my bedroom after whatever happen earlier in the late afternoon.Once again i never learn, i let emotions take control of me and again i give in to you.Because i love you.

Its hard putting on a facade of mask when behind everything else was just a heart felt full of sorrow. There was a quotation that said "if you love someone, let them go,if they come back, they're meant to be yours." I'm leaving up to fate to decide.

I never thought too, that i was strong and brave enough to walked away before you could even enter the immigrant checking premises. I figure out the only way i could let go is to get myself mad at you.

After you left, i took a cab to east coast park. Still i couldn't let a single tears out. I start to reminisce the times we kiss at the park and the times we stroll around the park at night. It still doesn't give me much impact on the fact that you've already left.

I went back home an hour after that, and here i'am on the bed updating this post. As much as i thought i was strong enough that i had not shed a tear, the scents of you on my bed made shed tears.

I cried not because i miss your presence,i cried because i feel stupid. Because i feel being fool by love. I cried because i believed you, and because you the promises we made turn into dust.

I cried because i hate how promises can't be compromise, i cried because i have to force myself to lose you. I cried because everything hurts me.

You chose to leave and break promises. I chose to leave because you break my heart with the decisions you made, because you never understood how much i needed you by my side, because you left me alone picking up all my broken pieces of my heart, and because of all these, i chose to move on, and i'll never look back now.

I hope you're contented with how cold you turn me into. Im gonna force myself to hate you now, just so you know i do love you but this is not only for the benefit of my betterment but for both of us.

Its been almost four years since the last time i cried this hard.





Visa drop off

August 28 [Sun], 2011, 8:53
So settle my flight for friday night. Hopefully, things on visa go smooth as i have to be in school before 6 september.

So definitely i have to fill in the forms tonight before heading to the counter tomorrow.

This make me smile today.

August 26 [Fri], 2011, 14:10


Another day appreciating the beauty i have.

Feeling a little ease

August 26 [Fri], 2011, 7:05
In they myth of being super depress over my visa, i when for an evening run last night. It was a good run however, i didn't expect it would turn out bad for my current state,especially that im just done with a surgery recently.

So anyways, i feel alot better now, however, i still require alot of rest. So earlier today, i received an email from Andrea and she told me that my last day of regisration would be on the 6/9/2011. Haha, im really hoping my visa would come before that date arrives. Teehee..

And im feeling a lot better now.

Depressed.

August 25 [Thu], 2011, 15:47
Im not sure whats going on with my visa. I ended up having to wait for 2 months. I still don't know whats the point of having an emergency request options on the application when i can't even have my passport before my last day of school registration.

God darn school haven't been able to response to my call or my email and it makes me pretty worried.

I don't know what i do to be put in this fucking depress situation. But im having a hard time. Seriously, i need a long run today.

Ps: Im not in the mood to be joking around. Not when my visa is not done smoothly, not when im jolted up from sleep as early as 2:09am from a crazy dream. The kinda dream that pierce through my heart. But i still wont deny, there are times in my life, i still think of him.

Frustration

August 24 [Wed], 2011, 10:35
Summer holiday is over. And now school started and im still not back yet. Don't even bother asking me why im not back yet. My visa is approve so what now?I have to wait for them to contact me as they're still processing my documents for like the next 60 days?

Seriously, if i don't get back before 29 this month, don't even expect me to be in school for the next decade of my life. I'd rather be somewhere else than just the states

Departure

August 20 [Sat], 2011, 11:53


私は悲しい.

Few more days im departing again.







Brownie!

August 20 [Sat], 2011, 3:06


I bake this in the afternoon yesterday. Triple chocolate chunk brownie. おいしそう









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