How can I help him? 

2007年04月11日(水) 19時36分
We cannot expect when the tragedy comes...my boyfriend was supposed to go Iraq in this week, but suddenly his dad was in hospital, and he had to go back home, yet he has to go to the War nomatter what. I cannot believe how he goes through such a terrible incident. Why only him carry those burdens? When I heard about his dad, I cannot say anything to him. I really wanted to help him, but I can't. What do I say to him? What things makes him better? Nothing is very hard for me, but what I can do is nothing...

After all... 

2007年03月21日(水) 19時55分
Yesterday, I and my boy talked over the phone about 1 hour. Basically, he told me how much he loves me. I had so much complaints about his calling...He didn't call me everyday, and that makes me feel sad and empty. Calling indicates me how much he cares about me, doesn't it? I told him bunch of times that I need his phone call, but he didn't learn anything. That's why I bitched to him that he is going to be faded if he didn't call me so often. After all, I guess he fixed his thinking. He told me he didn't mean not to call me. Just his job was hard and stressful which sometimes forgot to call me. I understand how difficult to keep in touch with me when he has so much stuff to do in working. But, it's different. Only 1 min call makes me happy and satisfy my emptyness.

Then, finally yesterday, he called me at midnight and told what he felt about me saying those things. He could not stop thinking about me. When he realized that he was going to be faded and dissapeared from my memories, he was afraid to be like that.

I love him, and he loves me. That's all matter for me. He loves me to death and cannot believe he left true love in here and went to somewhere separated to me. This is my second time that he talked about how he's feeling to me, but he is quiet and shy usually; therefore, the each word he told me yesterday has something important meaning and keep in my mind forever.

I cannot give him up. I tried to tell myself that give him up and find other guys who are close to me, holding me physically whenever I need, and being with me all the time, but I couldn't. Yes, I am the one addicts to him. OMG, why did I meet him? If the moment I wasn't there, the time he didn't go there, I've never met him and never had the relationship like this. But, we did, so then we choose to be with, and nothing we can do. Just waiting till everything is going through, till he coming back for me.

Alright, I gotta go to bed by myself. The right side of the bed is empty today again.

To get started 

2007年03月20日(火) 6時58分
The reason why I decided to open the blog is because I wanted to write anything what I feel in my daily life. In last week, my boyfriend left here and went to some states in Mainland, and then he is going to Iraq. He won't come back till the end of this October or November. I spent almost every weekend with him, and now he is gone...yeah, I have a bunch of times to do something, but I cannot find anything special to do. So, I start to write my journal through this blog. I donno I can keep this journal or not, but well, at least I can try. Anywayz, this is my first blog, and I have a lot of things to say...but I'll stop right here!!!;-)
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