あーもー 

July 12 [Tue], 2005, 6:30
ここちょっとバグリが多かったりすごいページが重かったり…後は過去の想い出から目を背けたい(消す勇気はないらしい)ので…↓

こちらまで

飽きやすくてごめんなさーい。あはは
でわA…

かぞく 

July 07 [Thu], 2005, 2:23
今。
本当数ヶ月ぶりぐらいに,日本語で書きたいなーって思ったー。ふしぎちゃん。
ていうか日記書こうって思った。ひさしぶりすぎてびっくり…

明日で…てゆうか今日でまた向こうに戻ります。予定では8月22日までいるはずだったんだけどね。前ので書いた通り家のこととか色々あって…めんどくさーいーまぁ仕方ないんだけどさーブー
最後の晩餐(オタクいなー…ある意味。プ)にて両親とゆっくり話!
今日はそらちんと会って何か親離れ子離れとかそーゆう話してきたばっかりだったから,同じよ〜な方向に話が言ったときはちょっとびっくりしたけど。あはは
とても意味のある一日で,とても意味のある話ができた。隠し事をしてもいいことはひとつもないけど,正直に話すとそれはそれで面倒なんだなーとか思っちゃってて正直になれたことを微妙に後悔しかけてたから,ちゃんとゆっくり落ち着いて,お互いの考えを交換できてよかった。


明日の今頃は空の上。

SUMMER! 

July 04 [Mon], 2005, 1:04
It's been seriously FOREVER since my last entry. So many things happened that i don't even know where to start...ok, i'm just gonna list things in a random order.

First of all, i successfully finished my sophomore year at Westminster Choir College in Princeton, NJ. It had been a rough year for me, but through those struggles that i had to face so many times in the year i was lucky enough to be able to enjoy music even more than before. Though my path right in front of me is going on and on, i am much more confident with myself and feel like for some part i could say "this is who i am and what i live for." without a shame. Now that i passed the jury, i could start practicing all the stuff for my junior recital!! hooray!!
Next thing...SPOLETO 2005, baby.
Yea...............lots of things to say about this huge piece of crap....no, not really.lol
It was absolutely one of the greatest experiences that I've ever had in my whole life. I learned so much, just simply. Carrie was a wonderful roomie and we had so much fun living together, even though those stupid dramas that almost ruined our lives...

please be over 

May 01 [Sun], 2005, 8:07
It's been forever since i put my last one up. How's everyone Hope you are happy there and enjoying life.

So there are more than a couple of reasons why i haven't been writing my days out right here.

First of all, the school is getting freakin busy, and busy, and busy. It's ridiculous how much i want these days from the hell to be over. I'm so ready for the school to be over Someone..please make it end before i go crazy...which i'm starting already.

I can't believe how distant john and i are these days and how quickly the days pass by. He and i don't chat or sit down together or anything at all. We just say hi, and that's about it, very sadly. I miss being around him so much that it puts me down so badly almost everyday.
I kinda started to realize that it was my fault in the beginning, but then i've been trying to make this stupid situation better. He just doesn't seem to want to be with me anymore even as friends. OH WHATEVER THOUGH.

I don't really know what I wanted to write....I'm sorry. This is such a boring blog....why can't I be entertaining??
Sorry I've got nothing else to be able to say for now....

So yea, school and my finals suck. Everything is just too much.
I'm freakin' ready for Spoleto!!!!!

too much crap 

April 05 [Tue], 2005, 3:26
thank god for no church job yesterday...got to sleep in till noon. catching up with the lack of sleep! well...i slept way too much tho...

so i've been pretty much trying to write a paper on The Shawshank Redemption for my music historiography class. the movie is freakin awesome whoever has never seen it, you should see it right now. you are missing something, seriously!!
well though the movie is quite fabulous, my paper hasn't been going so well...it may be better to say "it hasn't gone any farther". so now it's like 3 in the morning and i'm still trying to get started with it, haha. isn't it awesome.....

tomorrow...today is the last performance of "La Damnation de Faust" by Berlioz with New York Philharmonic at Lincoln Center. it's been fun but a pain in the butt at the same time. all those bus trips to and from the city make me tired so badly...i'm sure it's gonna be exciting as hell today tho!
well i think i'm giving it up...i'll have sometime tomorrow on the bus anyway. sleep tight everyone!...or have a nice evening for those of you in japan!!

i v my mommy 

April 02 [Sat], 2005, 23:57
Happy Birthday Mom!!!!

well, not that my mom knows about this blog...i mean, thank god she doesn't know about this.lol
family is one of 3 things that i miss so much(almost too much) when i'm here. my family has been such supportive to me and everyone means a lot to me. though that's not why, i give my mother the highest priority. she's so wonderful in anyways, though often her mind could be slightly too closed...lol. oh whatever. i love her, i always have and i will forever.

so sleeping over at K's was so much fun. my life cycle is totally messed up tho...i go to bed like 4 in the morning and wake up around noon or so...it's pretty bad.
we hung out in the city, went shopping, drinking...which was actually very nice. we both miss our home, though we both know that we are gonna get sick of it if we were at home for too long. i'm not saying that i don't wanna go home or anything like that. but, it's just hard to live at home after having experienced living somewhere else by yourself.
shopping makes me happy though i know i'm running out of my money since i bought more than a couple of things today...so let's see. new flip-flops from gap(silver with line stones. freaking gorgeous!), 2 scarves(pink one and light-green one, yay for spring and summer!), a brown sweater from gap, green t-shirt and cardigan from gap(again. i love GAP!)...etc.....well, that's about it i think. i also got a dark-green top from K for my birthday so pretty..can't wait to be able to wear it! this freaky cold weather often pisses me off. IT'S APRIL!!! be warm!!!

we had our 2nd performance of Berlioz tonight. it went pretty well and it was much better than the thursday one. don't know about the orchestra but the choir was so much better that i almost felt like the entire piece was for choir. haha!
now we are back in princeton...luckily, no church job tomorrow! nice...

Ensemble week! 

March 29 [Tue], 2005, 22:33
hooray!! "ensemble week" is a term when some of choirs at my school Westminster Choir College perform in a place with an orchestra. this one is for one of two symphonic choir in which i'm involved. we are doing Berlioz's La Damnation de Faust with New York Philharmonic at Lincoln center, which i'm sure actually will be a lot of fun, though it hasn't been kinda boring for me.
yeasterday we had piano rehearsal with maestro Dutoit in the city...damn, he's picky, which could be good...but not in piano rehearsal...
today we got to rehearse with the orchestra. it was actually so much fun! Berlioz is definitely better with an orchestra, not with only piano. men choir parts are all cool. i wish i could sing tenor2 or something...that'd be fanbulous. well, not that i'm unsatisfied with myself being soprano.lol

tomorrow we leave for the city at 7am...INSANE. well...gonna be a loooooong day though, sleeping over at K's on the thursday to the saturday! whoopee!!
i just love that crazy girl. it's been so long since last time i stayed at her place...and what's gonna be most exciting is.....DRINKING!!
later everyone! love you lots...

2nd easter 

March 27 [Sun], 2005, 17:07
away from my family. one of many times which are coming up in the future of my life. still, this year i got to go to the service(not the mass...oh well) and spend sometime at my church choir director's home it was so nice of him inviting us to his house

Oh my goodness. though the easter service at the church i work was freaking long as all hell, i had a nice time there. i prayed for my family and my best friends(it's you! my crazy girls, G! Mametan! Tsuccho, and Yamada!!hehe) after the communion. as soon as i knelt down and shut my eyes, i started to cry so much and couldn't help it. i thought of my grandpas. i sometimes regret that i should have been kinder to them when they were alive. of course, i thought of my mom and dad as well. i'm just constantly worried. it wasn't because i was sad or anything....but just the fact that i can't see my precious people now after this service and can't share this great time together made me sentimental everyone else was all happy and delightful, with a huge smile and so. on the other hand, me little one in ridiculously big tears. must have been awkward...though, i'm now glad to be able to appreciate those people because of them just being there for me, or at least for themselves. love you guys!!

anyways, happy easter everyone!
i think i'm just gonna take a nap...so tired! couldn't go to bed till 3 in the morning or something last night...
huh? dinner with john??....don't ask me. tell him to answer his freaking phone or call me back. please...what the hell....

productive? 

March 26 [Sat], 2005, 19:41
holy saturday today...and tomorrow is gonna be a looooong day especially for church workers...goodness

it was kinda weird that i woke up like around 10 without having set my alarm. i mean...it certainly was nice. i wrote couple emails back to people, took a nice longer shower and went out for branch to panera. i kinda wanted to go get a better drink at small world but their food is not really cheap.. oh well. i got some work done, which is nice since i'm going to stay at K's place after thursday's performance @avery fisher hall and won't be back till saturday midnight, i really have to get more work done...
i called couple friends while i was there...nathalie and, of course, john(there is not a day that i could keep myself from calling him...what a creep). since nathalie had gone home on the thursday before john&my discussion happened, i told her nearly everything about it, which was kind of embarracing considering that i was @panera...though, it was brilliantly nice talking to her after a couple of days. can't wait to see her back tomorrow.
after i got a text-message from him in the afternoon, we talked on the phone about getting together and doing like a dinner tomorrow night, which makes me happy! don't know if that's actually gonna happen or not...but at least he did consider seeing me tomorrow...which is delightful. i could be a pretty simple girl on this kinda topic
ryan walked into panera and sat with me for 20mins or so. haven't talked with him for a while so it was fun it was a shame he had to run to his work...oh well. whatever.

alright, i think i'm gonna watch "the pianist" which is a part of my music history project...endless work. it sucks!
happy easter to you all in japan! wish you guys are having fantastic times over there

learn from... 

March 25 [Fri], 2005, 23:59
good friday today. we get a day off for it(because there are just so many people working at churhc as a singer or an organist).

anyways, last night was a long one i have to say. actually, i got to talk with my best girl on the phone for like almost 2 hrs, which saved my life(seriously. thank you so much!) things in my mind are starting to settle down i think. i stayed up till 3:30am this morning just to talk with her. very sweet. i'm so lucky to have her in my life. we've gone through things separately, but together...i know, it doesn't make any sense, does it? well, that's just how we are. i don't know how i could thank you(besides, i don't even know if you are seeing this)
we came to the conclusion that we can't do anything about these feelings that we have for our guys, so we just keep trying, not to approach him in any weird ways, but to improve ourselves i have to know what i wanna do, and what i could do to make myself better as one mentally healthy person...ok, that could be too much since i'm not mentally ill or anything ...but i mean i wanna like myself and don't wanna regret anything i would have done or wouldn't have done. i will probably end up waiting for him at least after the summer, but that's ok. the feelings just came to me naturally and silently, and they'll go away as they came.
as he said, if it's meant to be, it will happen. though we both regret that if it happened in the future, it would have been so much easier for us to get started, there's no use thinking about the past. i'll just keep on walking with these beautiful feelings i've always had for him.

a little bit too sentimental....i think i'm off to bed now...it's been a long day,
sorry if this creeped you out. although, this is...just how i am
P R
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