continued.... 

2006年02月16日(木) 23時36分
you agreed too right? it's shameful for a 23 year old person still begging money from parents... what a shame... sigh... i feel so miserable but i don't to voice out... i always kept things to myself... even my good buddy says... i always like to bottle things up... she asked me to talk it out, to share with her... so that i won't feel so miserable inside... not healthy also... but i also do not know why i couldn't open up.. sigh..

i'm still quite a spendthrift now... but not as serious as last time... now cutting down... slowly cutting away this bad habit of mine...

so well... anyone who has got any lobang... please let me know... thank you.... it has to be legal of course...

well... shall type again... good night

so so broke... any sponsors? 

2006年02月16日(木) 23時28分
somewhere last year... i told my da yi to inform me when they are going to bangkok this year... this morning she called me and asked me about my timetable... i told her i have to go take a look and asked me when can i depart whatsoever... eventually after looking at my timetable, of course it's packed especially in march... all crammed together... don't know why... and the most important thing why i can't go is the shortage of money... i'm really really short on cash... my part time job only provide me with a merely $400 plus a month, including having to pay for mobile phone bills, transport, food, etc. so much with just $400plus!!! sigh. how to survive like that? trying to find some other lobangs whereby i can earn more and at the same time save up some... but to no avail... sigh...

and to think i'm also trying to save up some amount of money from that $400plus for my taiwan trip in june... anyone has got any ideas? prositute of course is a no-no... anything illegal definitely no way... i'm crying inside my heart everyday... still got march, april and may... 3 months.. can i save up alot???

i blamed myself for being such a spendthrift when i was a teenager... spending all the savings that i have saved when i was young... why was i so stupid??? if not by now i wouldn't have any problems about financial problems even though i'm schooling now.. i dare not take any single money from my parents cos' firstly my dad is already paying for my school fees, secondly... i'm already 23 years old this year! so shameful if i was to ask money from my parents...

yeah...! 

2006年02月14日(火) 1時21分
so surprised that Ai Qing Mo Fa Shi's rating (4.17%) for episode 1 is better than Wang Zi Bian Qing Wa (3.92%)! gonna download episode 1 from bit torrent to watch... haha... finally can watch ming dao, shao wei, jacky and yu rong a drama set again! kind of miss them all.. especially ming dao and shao wei.. haha...

today is well... valentine's day... how are you going to spend it? for me.. i'll be just studying and working after that... lonely valentine... haha...

watched feng mian ren wu last night.. with ming dao on that episode.. i find him a guy who has a very strong character... was so touched watching that episode... sighz... how i wish i can be by your side... =P

well... nothing much.. shall end here.. !

cranky 

2006年02月12日(日) 17時25分
sigh... what a cranky sunday... only had 2 hours of sleep... and what am i still doing here??? go catch some sleep then.. but am afraid i won't be able to sleep tonight... then tomorrow will be more crankier... as i need to work... wasted one whole day yesterday... now wasted half of the day... haven't touch my books yet... shit happens man... always like this... not enough time... think i have poor time management that's why...

just realised last night a good guy friend of mine who used to like me last time is attached already!!! oh my gosh... !! i was quite shocked... he kept everything so discreetly...! and my good friend is thinking of leaving her boyfriend but she's confused at the same time.. well.. i told her to think about it properly so that she will not regret in the end... the friend she introduced me... sometimes i can faint man... how does a 33 years old guy think at this age?

it seem cranky today... but still looking forward to tonight!! Ai Qing Mo Fa Shi is finally making its debut tonight... although i know i won't be able to catch it... but i can always download it tomorrow! saw a 15 minutes preview just now... it seemed so interesting the storyline.. !!!!

ming dao, shao wei, yu rong, jacky!!! i need you guys!!! when can i get to know you guys?? it'll be such a blessing... i'm uttering rubbish again.... i'm having what my dear good friend said about me ---> "huan xiang zheng"... sigh....

anyway "yuan xiao jie kuai le"!!! last day of chinese new year...

sighz... 

2006年02月09日(木) 1時00分
sigh! when can i get to know ming dao, shao wei, yu rong and jacky personally?! especially ming dao, shaowei and yu rong... you must be laughing at me! you must be telling me how can a ordinary person get to know a actor/singer? moreover other fans will like to too like me.. stupid me...

should i give a present or not? is it very stupid? since it's only just the start? sigh.

today.... 7th Feb 2006.... 1545pm... 

2006年02月07日(火) 23時37分
yesh! i finally get pass the hurdle.... ! thank you nervousness for not tagging along... although at some point i do feel your presence.... !

tomorrow... 7th Feb 2006 1545pm.... 

2006年02月06日(月) 23時37分
Most people look forward to this day... But I dread for this day to come... It will be my 2nd attempt... I think I sucks when I am nervous... Why can't I jilt away nervousness????

sigh, please nervousness, do not come and find me tomorrow. just tomorrow. i will be very glad...

let me get pass dooms day tomorrow, please! sigh, i have not even touch the test yet and here i am, jittering like shit... it's my 2nd attempt already, why am i so afraid then? what's wrong with me? sigh.

most probably hear about my bad news soon.....

做人真没意识。。。。。 

2006年02月05日(日) 23時56分
如果能够在这一刻把生命结束,那该有多好!

我知道我这样做会辜负我家人,但是有时候我不觉得在他们的心里,我是非常重要
的。

不过, 我就是没那个胆量。我听说如果你把生命给剪短, 你就不会有投胎的机会了。所以真的好恐怖。我须要非常大的勇气。我想没有投胎的机会应该是父母辛辛苦苦把你养大, 你还没报答他们对你的养育之恩, 你就把生命给结束了,所以阎罗王不给投胎的机会是有他的理由的存在的。所以剪短生命是我活该吗?

做人真没意识。。。。。

I want........... 

2006年02月05日(日) 23時50分
I want to be in the world of Ming Dao and Sam Wang!! Let me be under their arms!

Dream on????? Perhaps..... sighzzzzzzzzzzz

I want my frog prince....!

Continued 

2006年02月05日(日) 0時53分
Due to limited space, I need to cut my entry into half:

Today my poly friend introduced me to her colleague. However, he's 10 years older than me. I know fate doesn't come by so often. Once you miss it, it will be gone forever. Only met a while. It supposed to be the whole day, but thanks to my friend, being the bad co-ordinator and miscommunication, it ended up only for a while. Through conversations, I think he's okay. Only for 2 hours, what can I judge right? But I truely wanna thanks my friend for the matchmake. I know you feel my loneliness. But.... sigh.

I really hope after my 2 years course in ACCA, I will be able to find myself a stable job as an accountant. I do not want to be forever a useless bum and living with little money. It is not a good feeling. Sometimes I think I have low self-esteem, low confidence. I always stuttered during interviews. I need to improve! Well most importantly now is to study hard and score well.

To any kind souls who bother to read my entry. Thank you very much for reading. Even if you think i am an idiot, I still will thank you for reading. I am just someone who has difficulties in opening up to others, even to people that I am close with. So right now I gotta seek to this method. I am so pathetic eh? Well, I have to get used to it.
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