i was lied to...
November 09 [Sun], 2008, 16:18
life isnt fair. i know that much is true. but sometimes... i just wished that everything was fair game and that nothing would ever tear that dream world that im living in, despite all the confusion and paranoia i have towards it.
apparently, that single happiness was not granted to me.
i have been lied to by someone i did cherish deeply... because our affections towards a goal differ vastly. we were two different type of people. and in spite of all the odds that seem to have been pointing towards him, i have defended him and perhaps sacrifice a lot of myself for him.
for example; snoring - i hate people who snores, money - he's poor and cant afford stuffs but it's okies i'm willing to tolerate it, beard - yeah sorry no. i hate a guy with beard sometimes, studies/friends - i toned down a lot already (beside my character-wise) to spend a whole chunk of my time with him.
and he kept reassuring me that everything was alright fine and dandy.
but guess what?
he lied.
he only admitted things to me after he got really drunk last night. well, drunk enough to confess things as he put it. those things hurt me because it means i have defended and trusted in him for nothing. i feel hurt for myself and for the people who have been hurt by it subconsciously.... my tears cant stop falling.
i can lie to myself at certain stages that i'm fine and alright with things... but no matter what anyone says, it doesn;t change the fact he lied to me. and it can never change the fact how deeply hurt i am. time might not be able to change all this. i'm so deeply hurt that every now and again since yesterday, i cry all of a sudden.
i can hide myself well in front of others but.. i SEEM to be tiring out right now.
deep inside me, i feel like i wasted once again, my trust on someone else. and yet again, i am deeply hurt and dissapointed by what has occured.
i dont feel like studying for my exam on tuesday anymore.
i feel like dying right now and stabbing myself.
i feel like i have to atone for my friends' miseries.
and most of all, i feel like dissappearing from the face of the earth.
i dont belong here.
i dont belong anywhere else.
if i didnt, maybe everything would have been better.
been much fine and dandier.
apparently, that single happiness was not granted to me.
i have been lied to by someone i did cherish deeply... because our affections towards a goal differ vastly. we were two different type of people. and in spite of all the odds that seem to have been pointing towards him, i have defended him and perhaps sacrifice a lot of myself for him.
for example; snoring - i hate people who snores, money - he's poor and cant afford stuffs but it's okies i'm willing to tolerate it, beard - yeah sorry no. i hate a guy with beard sometimes, studies/friends - i toned down a lot already (beside my character-wise) to spend a whole chunk of my time with him.
and he kept reassuring me that everything was alright fine and dandy.
but guess what?
he lied.
he only admitted things to me after he got really drunk last night. well, drunk enough to confess things as he put it. those things hurt me because it means i have defended and trusted in him for nothing. i feel hurt for myself and for the people who have been hurt by it subconsciously.... my tears cant stop falling.
i can lie to myself at certain stages that i'm fine and alright with things... but no matter what anyone says, it doesn;t change the fact he lied to me. and it can never change the fact how deeply hurt i am. time might not be able to change all this. i'm so deeply hurt that every now and again since yesterday, i cry all of a sudden.
i can hide myself well in front of others but.. i SEEM to be tiring out right now.
deep inside me, i feel like i wasted once again, my trust on someone else. and yet again, i am deeply hurt and dissapointed by what has occured.
i dont feel like studying for my exam on tuesday anymore.
i feel like dying right now and stabbing myself.
i feel like i have to atone for my friends' miseries.
and most of all, i feel like dissappearing from the face of the earth.
i dont belong here.
i dont belong anywhere else.
if i didnt, maybe everything would have been better.
been much fine and dandier.
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