s t a r t o v e r

April 24 [Tue], 2012, 15:25
Hello. I have decided to do a clean sweep of this blog and totally start again.

It is a new year, and that means new crushes, new experiences, new friends.

I have all three of these this year.
I have a new crush. I will nickname him Law.

So many things have happened already.
Even though it is start of only term two.
But at the same time, it feels like nothing has happened, like time is getting away.

I have also made new friends.
A bunch of girls and a certain guy which reminds me of someone I know.
He's a bit vulgar, but I like him.

He's also friends with Law - bonus.

But I'm such a possessive person.
I don't like it when Law talks to anyone.
I only want him to talk to me.

In fact, recently, I found myself thinking, "Go away. He's MINE."
This was when other girls were talking to him.

Also, my friend is flirting with him.
And my other guy friend (call him Jay, the one who reminds me of someone).

And she always cuts off my chances.
She doesn't know I like him.

But he always laughs with her.
And I feel like I annoy him all the time.
Because I'm annoying.

I always glance.
I think he knows.

And it saddens me that he might like my friend.

And that is why I am here, on this blog again.
Because I know that none of my friends will find me here.

I want this blog to be a haven for me.
To protect me, and to comfort me.

To let my pour out all my emotions without worry.

And I really like Law.
He's cute, kind, has an amazing smile, funny, and just all over amazing.

And it worries/scares me that someone else will take him.

And it makes me even more heart breakingly sad, because he gave me present before.
It was simple - an origami, a lotus flower.

But being the BAKA I am, I lost it.

And so I can no longer look toward it fondly.

It was the first thing he has given me - the only thing he has given me.
And he made it himself.

I know I just lost something that is ultimately important.
And so, life seems pretty bad right now.

I might be overreacting, but it just does.
My emotions are on overload.
I'm a teenager filled with sensitivity.

It's just, sometimes it's like, he's my happiness.
Like without him, I just can't cope.

He manages to make my day with one smile.
I get encouraged by him.

He's my encouragement.

And so, I think, if he ever managed to get himself a girlfriend -
I would just go home and bawl.

I would just cry my heart out.
And I don't think I'd be able to talk to him normally.

I don't think I'd be able to smile in front of him.
And I don't want to lose my sometimes content self.

I just hope for a brighter future.
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