ショック 

January 21 [Thu], 2010, 10:52
昨日、耐えかねて彼氏に電話。一週間連絡ないなんて、心配すぎて

一回だけ教えたDocomoじゃないほうでかけた

多分お客さんだと思ってでるから。私の電話だと、後回しになっちゃうから 

彼氏、泣いてた

辛いことがあったってありさに説明して、泣いてた 泣いてるっていわなかったけど、声が超震えてて
最後に

ねえ、浮気とかしてないよね・浮気しないでね・・・

て しないってわかってるから、ほっといてくれてるんじゃないの?ていったら

わかんないよ。おれは今、本当にだれにも連絡してないからプライベートの人には
だからありさがこんなおれのことやんなって、だれかのところに行っちゃうのかな って思う
おれ、めっちゃふあんだよ、ほんとは

こんなこと今まで強がって言わない人だったのに、なんだかすごく悲しいし、なんだかすごい嬉しいし
彼氏が心配
お願い神様、早く彼の心が落ち着けますように

今、支えてあげることしかできない どうしよう

いろいろ 

November 30 [Mon], 2009, 7:12
昨日かれしがべろべろになって、朝の9時くらいに帰ってきた
アフターして、そのあと酔いのせいで道に迷って、9時になった
ばかめ

そんで酔っ払ってスーツかけて、そんでばたって倒れた彼氏をみて
今まで不安だったの馬鹿だったなと思った

こんだけ疲れりゃそりゃうちに帰ってこれんくてもしょうがないなって

昨日はうちが寂しすぎて、たまには帰って一緒にご飯たべようよ とかたまには とかおおげさにいったけん
無理して帰ってきたんじゃろうけど、すごい嬉しかった

9時に帰ったけねれんでそのまま仕事いったけんつぶれて朝方電話でそれでもうちに帰るって
でも多分寝ちゃって連絡ないし、一応今までまっとったけど全然不安じゃない

最近やっとのことでお互い心を開けた気がする

彼氏もなんだかんだ怖がりというかはまるのがこわい というタイプの人なので
なんだかんだ距離をおいとる感じがしとって、それはお互い様じゃけど、彼氏が距離縮めろとか
心を開けとかおもっとったけど、うちから甘えたら彼氏もそうなった

人間ってやっぱりそういうもんなんじゃな って

うちの彼氏は確かに他の人からみたら え?大丈夫?みたいな人なんじゃけど
それでも真面目に働いとるしうちを裏切らんしなんだかんだ人間としてくさっとるわけじゃない
友達は将来性のない男じゃね といったけど

そこらのつまらない将来性のある男なんかより、うちの彼氏のほうがよっぽどかっこいい
てやっと思えた

ずっと不安でしょうがなかったけど

信じられました よかった

omg 

November 13 [Fri], 2009, 2:52
i thought i was not that weak though. i haven't met him for 4 days...such a short time huh? but i miss him so much. he works everyday and having day off once a week, so i know he i exhausted. but i wanna meet him so much. he keep saying sorry about that. it's killing me.

i miss him.

freakin! 

November 08 [Sun], 2009, 2:53
Today...Our university I mean WASEDA University had 1st day of Waseda Festival!
Our seminar is taking part in as Pelu food restaurant. That's kinda sandwiches and Inca Coke(Not so delicious though)

This is my last year of Waseda Uni. student so, I decided to be in.
Customers from the bar I'm working for came, that's great. Don't know the distance I'm going to but I'm having LOTS fun in this University! I love it!

Lots thing happened in this year but I suppose I'll never ever forget this year.
Every second, I can feel happiness, that's enough for me right now.

actually...I'm so wondering if I should quite my part time job or not. It is less fun for me than before. so annoying and I really don't wanna talk cunstomers. I don't know how come...

That's the end of time to having fun maybe.

I should move forward to my future anyway.

anxiety is 

October 23 [Fri], 2009, 1:45
everywhere! But I notices that when I was alone, the anxiety was all about being alone. Now, I'm with someone, so I'm so afraid to lose him. From different point of view, this is totally happy worries, right?

I've never imagined that I can miss somebody except my friends.
I've never imagined that I can cook for somebody and somebody's appreciate makes me feel such happy.

Don't know this gonna be okay, but I should make effort to keep this.

Actually, TODAY is ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY for us. He gave me a accesory for a one month gift and pretty lunch. We had almost first date haha.

I will never ever forget the day.

yeh, i know i fell on him!

THE DAY IS COMING! 

October 17 [Sat], 2009, 8:23
actually, this is THE DAY! I MEAN......BIG BIG BIG WEDDINGDAY OF MY BEST FRIEND! I have been waiting for this day, to be honest, i've been bit scared. because i felt i was losing my best friend from me. but now, in this morning, i was sriting a letter for her. i was writing all about appreciating and asking. i was asking her BE HAPPY. that's all.

For god's sake, be happy Eko. I love you sooooooo much. i wanna see your smile with your new family. oops, i have to get ready for the BIG WEDDING!

this is my murmuring, but thank you all reading this articles!

how funny 

October 14 [Wed], 2009, 6:21
i reviewd my journal, so i found it so funny! because these 2 yrs i wrote all about the BAR MAN but not I'm writing about new boyfriend. you know, everyone says girl can chnge mind so quickly. yeh, that's right. I can't stop thinking about him. actually, we had bit fight on Sat. We always meet up after our work and go to my place, but Sat night He calld me and asked me i was still in duty or not. I, actually out of it and was drinking replyed i was still in. so he tried to come to the bar im working and get the key. i thought he did not remember where the bar im working was, so i said meet up tha Convenience store near from the bar. But he did not showed up. Then, he called me and said angrily" what r u doing? the bar is already closed today." OMG. He DID remember! i explained truth but he got mad about the lie i was telling. We made up but since the day he is soooooooooo suspisicous of me having an afair or not. yesterday, he told me not to have an afair. today, he asked me where i was and i said I'm already home. But he did not believe and he even thought i was with someone! i know it was me but how dare can he think i am having affair! I'M WORKING EVERYDAY BY 6 TILL MIDNIGHT AND MEET HIM. HOW CAN I HAVE AN AFFAIR?? i don't have such time. he is more jealous person than i thought. relationships are really annoying sometimes....but i was lil pleased. it shows he's interested in me, right?

ewwwwww 

September 24 [Thu], 2009, 14:11
actually, i got a boyfriend...but he didn't mail me about 24hours. i know this is not big deal but i miss him. I met him 2 days ago...now i am the girl i really hate.
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!! I'm missing myself. i don wanna lose myself but i an't stop thinking of him. have u ever fall in love with a guy who is totally out of your ideal man?????

review 

July 29 [Wed], 2009, 9:52
I was reviewing my blog over and oer again. And made it, How sweet these 2 years were! Relationships are always hurt us and lighten us. The day begore yesterday and yesterday, the girlfriend girl came by the bar, but i felt nothing. Guess don't feel reality but I'm O.K. than I expected before. Okay, clean the mess and get into the new life. In the biginning, I cleaned extra relations, I changed my e-mail address and SNS mixi. Because of my mixi friend list includes HIM. Ridiculous? But it was crucial for me.

i can 

July 28 [Tue], 2009, 5:00
I guess i could make it! I felt bit sad and did cry but I deserve my job. it is my only thing i can do for him. guess i still like him. so i wanna do something for him. worst thing in this day was, the girl showed up. i didn wanna see he today. but it could be better to see her today. worst thing would always come in one day, right? the other girl who tagged with her said before their leaving, said "are you okay if you leave? don't you stay?". alright. fine. got it. i got it totally. this is the end of my first love. so much for my happy ending. this experience made me big girl. but i used ironic thing to make him listen. Sick of lies that guys say "I don have a girlfriend." I'm not a big girl yet huh? but that word slipped from my tongue. hope he dont care so much. this is the time to step new days, for past 2 years, he was my everything, i lived for him, for the job. but i should place my ming inside of me. i wanna live my own life.
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