aparently i lie a lot

February 05 [Fri], 2010, 20:34
things i lie about:

- i didn't change my email. i created one just for you so that if you pissed me off i could just log off. so far it works wonderfully and avoids any fights.

- i lie about beeing happy. to my friends, to my parents, to anyone really. i'm still quite phatetic and horribly frustrated.

- my piercing hurts. it hurts like hell because i don't have the imune sistem to keep it from hurting.

- i haven't forgiven you. because you turned into everything i hate so much in a matter of months. you betrayed every damn thing i believed in and crushed it with the heal of your fake. generic. imitation of a converse shoe.

- my computer works fine. i just don't feel like playing atm because i'm too fucking tired. (and some people apear to think my... "problem" just vanished. it's still here dumbfucks. i still need to get it "fixed". so stop thinking i have to be here for you all the fucking time.

- i talk to about 3 people that hate eachother mutually. i don't fucking care and i am not telling any of them that i do or they'll try to be "nice" to me to go up on some stupid imaginary scalle of theirs where i rate my friends. fuck you. every single one of you is at the "bottom" of your said scalle for beeing dicks like that and bitching eachother out or stalking eachothers profiles on social networks.

- i don't care about anyone's opinion. if i ask you it's just to be nice or to make you feel batter. i do or don't do things for my own damn pleasure not anyone elses.

- i hate a lot of things.

- i stalk your shit just in case you're trash talking me. why? not because you're interesting or because i care about your feelings, but because last time i didn't check on an ex i found out a year later that they've been making up shit about how we broke up and who i left them for. fuck that. i'm not a trophy bishie. .|. get a damn Super Junior poster and marry that shit if you're into that.

- i might be turning gay because girls are back stabing cunts imo atm.

- i don't hate Tek. i just think he's a poor escuse of a replacement for my dog.

- if this shit doesn't publish i am leaving yaplog and moving to a korean server. that's fucking right, i'll delete fucking everything. so you better cut the crap yaplog, and stop malfunctioning on me. i am not in the mood.

/rant

ugh

January 15 [Fri], 2010, 9:17
life is so...useless.

and purithenol is a sad escuse to keep people like me living long enough to go mad.

i have dreams. nightmares more like it. in these nightmares i always end up killing someone to prove myself to you. last night i trew a grenade at a girl. i didn't know i could see internal organs so neathly in my dreams. shaterred, guts and blood everywhere and you loved it. why why why why? *smacks head against pillow*

(get out of my fucking head already. go away)

i like my pillow. it lets me hold it, rest in it, trow it and bite and punch into it. and it doesn't complain at the end of the day when i break down into it and cry myself to sleep sitting in a horribly slouched position on my chair. bed is too far away.

water burns the skin. water burns badly. like acid. and the cold is horrible.

(something is horribly wrong with me)

and then my dog died. i found it 3 days ago when i came outside to smoke. i just sort of... gave some sad ironic laugh remembering when i told it that it would out live me and kind of slumped to the wet floor sobbing, smoking and hugging the corpse of a dead dog that has been with me my whole life is this godforsaken ball of puss we call a planet.

(i'm quite phatethic. i'm aware of that at least)

it hurts to see now. it hurts to eat, it hurts to think, it hurts to even touch any part of my body as brush it against anything.

my first comands in the morning are shut the damn door, stop talking and hand me my damn smokes.

i need a job. i'm growing pale. pale pale pale as the walls. must be contagious.

yes, pillow is quite nice. if i kept hugging a corpse they might think i'm mad.

not that that would be a lie anyway...

wee, beeing an arden is fun

January 12 [Tue], 2010, 4:42


crappy printscreen of thw ip edited in ms paint is crappy.

me and nee-chan *0* i'll be done soon i hope.

(used a base as reference because i will have enough trouble with ccolouring and our armors to think about poses x.x source will be posted with finished version

the reason you shouldn't pet cute little fozes is because they turn into demigods with big bad bows. :3

imah go plvl now bai =w

1115

January 11 [Mon], 2010, 4:43
that's my number on the waiting list...

Uriel Ao, age 17, private number [censored] doctor [censored] waiting list number: 1115

....

i wonder who's next and after me...

i wonder if they'll make it...

to do list:

- make peace with old friends [x]
- make new friends [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
- trow out the "trash" [x]
- find that italian bastard and get someone to make him pay [ ]
- and make him move on... [x?]

u.u life shouldn't be so complicated for me of all people.

all i wanted was a family. i hate how things turn out in the end -3-;

fuck you life, fuck you -.-;;; ./. i hope you get ass cancer or something
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