December 30 [Sun], 2012, 22:48
Great. I messed everything up. Again. I don't know what to do with myself anymore... I'm just keeping quiet from now on. Forever.


June 06 [Wed], 2012, 10:44


April 18 [Wed], 2012, 21:30
Things are starting to get horrendoulsy difficult for me. I hope that after this morning, things will chill out a bit. Maybe I can even catch up on sleep. But as of right now, I'm kind of losing my mind. I can't take these flipflopping emotions anymore. I really need help. I'm tired of hurting.


April 07 [Sat], 2012, 16:59


Theory of Unconditional Happiness 

April 05 [Thu], 2012, 7:26
"Even if I should find someone better than you
I probably won't be able to stop loving you.
But I can't be selfish anymore.
Well then, this is goodbye."

Those words you left behind at the end
I added sound and made this song out of them.

I couldn't even watch your back as you left.
I couldn't stand the sadness of you leaving that day.

My heart only longed to see you.
But we couldn't meet and I felt like my heart was going to break.
The bond between us was stronger from having been cut and retied countless of times.
Ah, but now that bond grows fragile.

"Even if I should fine someone better than you
I probably won't be able to stop loving you.
But I can't be selfish anymore.
Well than this is goodbye."

The me of the past who fell asleep on your warm chest
Even I'm jealous of him
Just once more, hold me tight.
At least tell me how to forget.

I missed you so much that it felt like I was going to lose my voice.
But I can't meet you and even my dreams tormented me.
I searched for you in memories that were fading each day.
I felt for love even in the smallest fragments I could find.

"No matter how many nights pass
My love for you will probably still continue to deepen.
But I can't be selfish anymore.
Well then this is goodbye."

"Even if I should find someone better than you
I probably won't be able to stop loving you."
From here on I'll use my own words.
So please hear me out.

"Even if both of us were to find someone that are better
we probably won't be able to stop loving each other.
So let's embrace the moment.
Even if just one second longer.

There may be nights when I'll end up hurting you.
There may be feelings we won't be able to share.
Let's overcome those things together and start a new romance.
One more time."

music&lyrics by Takeru

And then there was one. 

March 31 [Sat], 2012, 12:01
The last one. I can't help but worry if I'll lose it, too. I guess I'm just paranoid. And I can't help but wonder if it was all my fault. But I guess that's normal...

But still. -sigh-
It's why I feel like crying right now.


March 25 [Sun], 2012, 20:20
I'm certain now...

Can't seem to get over it. 

January 13 [Fri], 2012, 6:00
That's two times now that this piece of trash has tricked me. I fell for it both times. I can't even believe my own stupidity. Yet here I still sit, days later, with my tail between my legs like an abused puppy. I'm ashamed.

It's made me lose what trust I had in people to begin with. I let my guard down, and it cost me. More than I first realized, apparently. I don't know how many other people are deceiving me right under my nose, but if you are one such person... please, kindly just bow out of my life. I'm capable of taking a civil "I don't think we should be friends" as opposed to what that horrid... thing... did to me.

It's not even right to call him human. He doesn't have empathy. Doesn't care for others. He only engages in things that further his personal agenda, and his ego. Once you're no longer of use to him, he casts you aside. He's merely a parasite. Determined to take as much as he can from others.

One can only hope that, someday, he'll take so much that he bursts. That he'll get so close to the sun that his wings will melt and he'll plummet to the ground below. And one can only hope no one will catch him.

Because the word "hate" can only go so far. It can only mean so much. And in this instance? It's not a fraction of the word I need right now.



December 18 [Sun], 2011, 15:29
I don't know what to do. I really don't. I can't really ask for help; everyone will just say the same thing. But I can't do what they all say...

I'm sorry I'm being so vague. I just wish I could be helped, somehow. I didn'teven get myself into this problem. It just happened... Why can't it just poof? Vanish?

I'm sorry. Really... I just don't want to hurt anyone.

Kind of a follow-up. 

December 13 [Tue], 2011, 8:13
The guy who tried to blackmail me into dating him.
This upcoming post is totally opinionated.
More of a rant than anything. About shit that pisses me off.
I cannot stress enough that this is opinionated, you fucking trolls.

His values are just... stupid. They're idiotic, conservative. "You should never kiss someone you're not dating." "Birthdays should be spent with your family." "I have to live up to my grandfather's standards." "I believe every little piece of trash lie my mother tells me." "Gay people are immoral." "This farm is my granddad's legacy. I can't just abandon it."

Do I really need to go on?
Ask me how I deal with this nonsense daily. Just ask.
I DON'T. It drives me BATTY!
I feel more mad than Sheogorath on a good day!

Btw that farm I mentioned? They have an overweight horse, a dying goat, and inbred Chihuahuas. No crops. Not even a pasture. Just a fence for the horse and goat. It's a damn legacy, that's for sure.

And he's fucking two-faced. Preaching about how women should come first, their opinions matter the most, they should have the first say. Then when I actually do any of these things, he gets pissed. My opinions are just short of blasphemy to him.

"Well, you really shouldn't wear a skirt that short."
What the FUCK? I can wear what I want! And I have fucking tights on. Get out of that little hole you call a house, out of that shitstain you call a farm, and look at a real female. If I didn't know better, I'd say he thought we had to cover ourselves like middle-eastern women. No offense to them, of course, that's their culture. Just making a comparison here.

And he claims to be a "good guy" but really he's the opposite. He acts totally different around me than anyone else. He and his mother start up fucking rumors about everyone under the sun. He hates me and everything I stand for, but claims he's in love with me. I don't fucking GET IT.

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  • アイコン画像 ニックネーム:natoumi
  • アイコン画像 性別:女性
  • アイコン画像 誕生日:9月25日
  • アイコン画像 血液型:O型
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