I'm like a spitting image of Tohru from Fruits Basket. Who's seen that anime? Yes, that girl who thinks too little of herself and is always concerned of the well being of others. Lately, my friends have been coming up to me for either advice/free vent. They talk to me about their relationships, school work, family etc. And usually, it's not something nice. But I try to cheer them up, say some words of kindness you know. And like, get to know them better and I tell them that which usually leaves a smile on their faces. And on mine too =) But now I think of it tonight, has anyone tried to get to know me? Has anyone been concerned of my problems? No, I don't think so. Or I'm just doubting everyone around me. Even my best friends. And I want to slap myself hard in the butt for that. Grandpa and I had a talk tonight, he was saying 'all my life, my friends have always been my objects. my friends would only play chess, drink, gossip repeat. but if i ask them for one small favour, they would say no. even it was a small sum of cash'. so his point being? friends aren't everything. And thus, I kind of wanted to orgasm out of my i-think-are-good-reasons to him. But no, that would just show how stubborn I am...I must let him win. Not like that time, I angered him and he nearly had a heart attack just from one of my small harmless sentences (which wasn't) I said. So yeah, it's up to me if I will follow his teachings. But it's good to listen y'know. I must admit, the things he says are wise and maybe one day...when I have grandchildren, I will remember the good ol' friendly chat times I had with granny and retell the lectures to the children. The first thing I would say if they ask how grandpa was would be: 'Your grandfather was the most respectful man I knew. And he was the greatest teacher'. Hehe, I sure will miss him when he leaves to heaven. May God bless him. I say it for the sake of saying it. Damn this paragraph is becoming too long and OCD and has no beginnings or ends, hehe. Are your eyes tired yet bored reader? Also, another problem of mine. I haven't been handing in checkpoints/drafts/assignments on time. It frustrates me...for someone so dumb as me I am disheartened to try my best and get it done. In the end, I let my teachers down..my peers..my family..and especially myself. I used to be the top student. And now? I'm struggling. I hate myself so much. But not really, whenever that thought pops up, I reassure myself by saying: 'Expect no one to like you, until you do.' It is quite true though. Point proven. Lmao, I use phrases/words even though I don't know the meaning to it. Seriously, I need to read more. Yet it is so hard for the effort. Anyway, it's 10.50pm. I have a Maths assignment due on Thursday. English and IPT on Friday. I'm very stressed, and I feel like hurting myself again hahaha. Wow, an oxymoron! But I won't, so relax. Been there done that, never do I want to see myself holding a rock for a stupid purpose. You only live life once- so don't fuck it up, Andreana Christophorou say. Life's too good right now, I'm at the stage of developing myself..the stage I am realising my mistakes and actions and simply put, become a better person. Or, be the best I can be. :D *giggles* You know, this is a good rant. I feel so much better. I am comfortable for random people from Japan (and America/wherever) except here reading my blog. As long it's people I don't see everyday, well then...I am fine with that. So anyway, my rant ends here. I am at last satisfied.
Take care random readers.
