wearing out
February 03 [Thu], 2011, 21:58
I hate the fact that I'm coming back home at 10 pm.
I hate the fact that I need to get on the clammed train full of stinky ugly people.
I hate the fact that I feel like I have to talk with my mom and dad when I get home.
I hate the fact that tears coming out from my eyes when I'm being negative.
But I just can't stop this and feel weird.
I don't regularly spit all these feelings out, but when I'm stressed out, I usually feel like this inside.
And I hate it.
It's just so screwed.
Never getting better, just become worse and worse.
Until I go to sleep and forget everything.
It's not that there are any reasons.
It just happens repeatedly when I don't have enough space in my mind.
That's all.
Nobody's fault.
I just want everyone, every single person, to leave me alone.
Or one person to hold me tight and never leave me alone.
Not furious, not angry.
Just upset and stressed and I have no idea where this emotion can go.
So.
Right now I have no idea what I'm talking about,
and why my brain is working in English,
but one thing I can say is that I should eat and sleep tight,
for not to feel the same way tomorrow night.
Isn't it childish?
That I'll become 25 this year and still can't figure out
how to deal with my own body condition, emotion, thought and behavior.
Dear dear...
Must be weary... really.
I hate the fact that I need to get on the clammed train full of stinky ugly people.
I hate the fact that I feel like I have to talk with my mom and dad when I get home.
I hate the fact that tears coming out from my eyes when I'm being negative.
But I just can't stop this and feel weird.
I don't regularly spit all these feelings out, but when I'm stressed out, I usually feel like this inside.
And I hate it.
It's just so screwed.
Never getting better, just become worse and worse.
Until I go to sleep and forget everything.
It's not that there are any reasons.
It just happens repeatedly when I don't have enough space in my mind.
That's all.
Nobody's fault.
I just want everyone, every single person, to leave me alone.
Or one person to hold me tight and never leave me alone.
Not furious, not angry.
Just upset and stressed and I have no idea where this emotion can go.
So.
Right now I have no idea what I'm talking about,
and why my brain is working in English,
but one thing I can say is that I should eat and sleep tight,
for not to feel the same way tomorrow night.
Isn't it childish?
That I'll become 25 this year and still can't figure out
how to deal with my own body condition, emotion, thought and behavior.
Dear dear...
Must be weary... really.
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ニックネーム：Mariko Hamada
