Speaking of rough seas, its seems the IRS has gone and seized all of Lindsay Lohan's bank accounts so it can get the money she owes them. It's reported to be a pretty high sum, in the over $200,000 range, though I guess it's less now that Charlie Sheen bailed her out to the tune of $100,000. Still, that's a lotta scratch left to cover, and the IRS wants it, so they're gonna take it. Leaving Lohan in something of a panic, desperate to find another job and resume her life as the mysterious hunchback of the Chateau Marmont, dwelling high up by the rafters, rarely coming downstairs to be with the rest of the world, reviled and feared but also deeply wondered about. It's not a bad gig, actually, but it requires having a considerable amount of moola, and that is not what she's got. So let's get workin' on Liz & Dick 2: The Legend of Eddie Fisher's Gold. Or just put in her some other godawful TV movie. Anything to get her back in her dark suite, other guests hearing bangings and rattlings and moanings, but never glimpsing the strange source of all the mournful sounds. 
Ha, another person having trouble with money is good old Justin Bieber. Well, he has plenty of money, plenty and then some, he just doesn't understand other things related to money. The silly kid was at Susan Sarandon's ping-pong club (that's a thing that has existed for some time now, and yet is still surprising every time I read about or type it), sitting in a back room with a bunch of friends, until management came in and said they had to clear out. When asked why, management informed them that J.P. Morgan was having a private party in the room. To which Biebs said, "Why does he get the room and not us?" Ha. So the funny part is that he thought J.P. Morgan was a person who was having a party instead of a big scary bank. Teehee, silly Canadian teenager, doesn't know about things like J.P. Morgan. Though, maybe Bieber did know what he was talking about. He's a spiritual kid, maybe he simply thought that the ghost of J.P. Morgan had come to enjoy Susan Sarandon's ping pong club, and he didn't think it fair that some grubby old ghost got the room instead of him. Maybe he really did think that ol' John Pierpont was going to walk in there, wearing his ghostly waistcoat and top hat, waving his cane at people. And if that was the case, then Bieber had a point. Why should that mean dumb ghost get preference? He's been getting preference for almost two hundred years now. It's time for someone else to get a taste of the privileged life. Stop playing ping pong, ghosts, and ruining a little boy's night. It's just not nice. 
Oh, brother. Or, oh, step-mother. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills "star" (gotta use that word loosely around her) Brandi Glanville is all mad at her ex-husband Eddie Cibrian's current wife, country singer LeAnn Rimes. She's mad for a variety of reasons, but right now she's particularly angry because Rimes was tweeting about Glanville's two sons, calling them "my boys" and talking about how she loves spending time with her family. Glanville was quick to point out that "They are my boys, Eddie's boys and your stepsons... for now." Ooh, sick burn. And also accurate, as far as the family tree goes. Glanville thinks that Rimes was deliberately trying to make her angry on Twitter, and it looks as though she willingly took the bait. Rimes ignored the responses and instead continued to trill on about how much love she has in her life and all that. So, really, the good part of this story is that the boys do nothing but win here, huh? Yeah, they've got step-mom pimping them out on Twitter to make their real mom upset, and then they've got their real mom, a human adult lady, trying to get in fights on Twitter and playing the "Mine!" game. Really, those kids are in great shape either way, aren't they? Where, meanwhile, is Eddie Cibrian on this? Well, he at least doesn't appear to be on Twitter. Doesn't mean he's with the kids necessarily he's no saint in this situation, either, remember, but he's at least not going online to complain about things. There is at least that. 
Spinning further down the drain, we move to Angelina "Trash Bags" Pivarnick, the girl from the first season of Jersey Shore who left the show because she didn't want to work at the T-shirt store they were supposed to work at and then had to sit back and watch all her former castmates become famous and rich beyond measure. Then she tried to come back to the show, and did for a little part of the second season or something, but she was quickly off again. Now she's trying to sue MTV, claiming they're blocking her from getting other work by editing her badly on the show and not letting her go to MTV functions (ha). The news today is that she tried to hire celebrity attorney Gloria Allred to represent her, but Allred said no. So, things are not going well for poor Trash Bags, though, really, what does she want? She quit the show three episodes into the first season because she didn't want to work a shift at some dumb job. Fine, OK. And then MTV let her come back for season two, for which she made well over a hundred thousand dollars before leaving again. I feel like she's benefited from this show plenty, considering her time put in. And she was on Couples Therapy this year, so she is getting other "work." Look, you don't want to work at the T-shirt shop, fine. Quit the T-shirt shop and move out of the house. But then don't go complaining when everyone else who worked at the T-shirt shop made millions of dollars because the T-shirt shop exploded and became the most popular T-shirt shop in the world. Them's the breaks. The world is full of consequences, everything there is is a consequence of something else, and one of those consequences is that you don't get to reap the T-shirt shop riches if you quit the T-shirt shop. That's all. I'm sorry, Angelina, I can only imagine the ocean of bitter regret that seethes within you always, but you gotta reconcile yourself with a decision you made years ago. I know that guy never should gotten dumped from the E Street Band. I've heard tales of that other Beatle. But they eventually moved on with their lives, and you need to, too. Gloria Allred isn't going to fix your problems. And she never will.