June 08 [Wed], 2011, 12:35
being a "plus size" girl is really hard to be in modern society...can't eat anything or wear anything without people saying OMG! your fat I really hate it so much...I am ashamed of who I am & what I look like...it's really hard to hold back my feeling's & emotion's when it come's to this. I am trying to change myself & what I look like, because I don't want people to look at me in a weird way & think thought's that would hurt my feeling's. I also hate the fact I'm bigger than my boyfriend & I don't want people to look at him & say dude your girlfriend is a bit fat why did you go with her? because it's happened before & is why a lot of my old boyfriend's left me because they are embarased to be seen with me. I don't want my boyfriend to be embarsed because of me. I think even though I love myself but sometime's I have to hate myself, because of how I look...I have no confidence & I have very low self esteem, I also really don't like to show myself to my boyfriend...I'd rather just hide from him even though he's already seen me, but I still feel unconcious when he see's me that is why I prefer to just be in the dark. I know I should be proud of the person I am, but I'm not...I'm just really upset with myself & the person I am. I need to be better & take care of myself better really.