still feel weird 

September 19 [Tue], 2006, 8:55
i'm just wondering who he was talking about as "the girl of my dreams and wouldn'd give her up" ?

I woke up in the middle of the night again.
I don't remember what it was but yeah nightmare again. I'm pretty getting sick of it.

I really loved listening to his story last night.
He always tries to be talkative when I'm down and quiet.

I loved his cooking last night.

I was waiting for him in the bathtub. I love taking a hot bath with you baby.

I don't wanna let you go, I mean it but I sometimes get confused.
And trust me, I'm trying to make myself trust you more and more.

The thing is, I'm in love with you.
My heart beats so fast when you smile.


September 18 [Mon], 2006, 16:48
I couldn't stay in bed
something was stuck in my head

you were not happy with your ex wife
but you never cheated on her.


why only me?

cuz you were married to her?
cuz I'm just your gf?

I know you would say "that's not true" but i feel like I'm less important for you than her, and it's not im jealous of her or anything don't get me wrong
but isn't it natural for me to think that way?

the fact that you were in a relationship bothers me a lot.
that you gave me millions of lies to me
that you treated me pretty wrong

people make mistakes, and I'm not trying to make you feel like you are the biggest jerk in the world. This blog is for expressing my feelings inside well.
I know people can be better after making mistakes
but why didn't you know that I was important then?

I could'nt make you happy that time

I tried so hard cuz I thought all I could do is coming here to see you when you were depressed, and you denied me and chose her.

you said you knew I was the one you wanted, but if I really was,
I dn;t know

I'm lost again

just random thoughts that bother me

i'm sorry if I piss you off

I want comments from you

Like I said, I need to make things clear

dear baby 

September 18 [Mon], 2006, 14:21
i'm still confused.

this is my opinion.
cheaters are always cheaters.

even though you were depressed, I feel like it's gonna happen again.
it's not an assumption or prediction, just a fear

I want to tell you how I feel but it's hard because of the language
or maybe I don't even know how I feel clearly in Japanese.

I don't wanna piss you off cuz I hate seeing you pissed off

I know talking about you guys, her pisses you off
and you tell me to stop if I don't wanna piss you off
but I can't just let it go
it's not that easy

everytime you tell me "we are gonna be alright baby" that kinda upsets me
because if you were faithful to me, we wouldnt have even doubted if we are gonna be okay.
but if you don't tell me anything, that will make me nervous too, so I'm very complicated im sorry

i'm scared to sleep at night
especially when I sleep by myself

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