~bodybag NO. 666~

pssst the other side of Ruki

October 23 [Thu], 2008, 0:57

I was browsing for new Gazette live photos on the Heresy area and found some cool stuff.

that's just LOL :D she looks so mad xD

ok Ruki.. we all knew that you always liked to put silly zoo outfits on yourself but this is just too much xD
WARNING WARNING ENTRY EDIT: I've just noticed that.. mmm.. look at his crotch. ok now I'm almost sure that THIS on the magazines were not just the tricks of lighting.. *swallows*

let's play some hide and seek *Q*

btw I noticed that Aoi's getting melancholic in autumns.. he wrote ~13 entries in October and most of them were so... contemplations? :D

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sooooviet sajuuuuz

October 22 [Wed], 2008, 23:07

Today I got my rainboots! WOOHOO! So only DBSK cd is left.. but I'm sure that I won't get it T.T

aj nu ir aisku lietuviska kasdienybe... stoviu gal kokia valanda eilej ir kai jau as turejau eit prie langelio is kazkur atsibelde kazkokia sena nagla ruske ir uzlindo beeiles. zmones pradejo piktintis. ir, aisku, dalis pradejo kaltint mane, kad as ja uzleidau. tai as jiem ir sakau: "alio, gal man reikejo ja uz plauku nutempt nuo langelio??" rusiskai as tai nemoku.. nebent keiktis ;D krc sunervino.. dar ta dura gal 15min ten prie to langelio stovejo. padla ble.. cystai norejau begdama laiptine zemyn su siuntiniu "netycia" nustumt ta tursenancia sovietine kutvela nuo laiptu.. dar tas naglas jos zvilgsnis.. greiciau ismirtu jie visi..
ok sorry bet sunervino ;D

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where's my DBSK?

October 22 [Wed], 2008, 0:36

My new stuff came from the US. I love it so much. The staff were so nice. They even put me some gifts! (2 pins, a cute card & a magnet for a fridge).
Well but the sad thing is that I had to pay 54lt of customs ;_______; that's just stupid!

and cruciare come back! why's everybody leaving yaplog? bad bad bad!!!

and another thing is... where's my DBSK??????? I'm really not gonna get this ToT

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the story ends here

October 21 [Tue], 2008, 1:15

So yeah today it had finally been cleared. I'm leaving due to the fact that she doesn't even try to understand me. She thinks that saying "I care about you" is enough. When I asked what she DID to work out this situation she just said "you know that I'm not good at expressing my thoughts", hey I didn't ask you to write me a novel. I just asked you to say so what you DID? coz she was just repeating "I did I did" but when I asked her so what exactly you did everything's gone clear. I was waiting a half of the year. I gave you a chance to explain what you did due to not hurting me. And you didn't. So I guess everything's ended up right here. I'm not gonna hurt myself further and pretend to be friends with a person who is not coz friends don't act like this. At least I persisted to be honest.

I survived earlier I'll survive this too. It's my destiny I think.
Now I'm very into finding info about living in Japan. For about a week I'm searching apartments, watching info about the salaries and of course how to bring a pet into the country. Yes it's tough but not impossible. I'll try to do my best to save a kitty and give him a new chance to live and to be loved. Now I just need to talk to my parents coz they're strictly against having a pet but a quarantine is a long process so I need to take a kitty now. I'll try to explain them that I'll take that pet with me when I'll graduate school so they shouldn't worry. Oh well.. Somehow I'll make it. I'm just tired of crying "oh those kitties are so unfortunate. people are so cruel" I need to do something by myself too. I always love Plastic Tree's song バリア but now I'm so deep into it. I mean the mood of that song is just perfect these days for me. The live is stunning also: So I guess now it's obvious to some people why I didn't go to wanda meet.

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my diva Sutan

October 18 [Sat], 2008, 11:11

Let me introduce you my diva, insipartor and beauty to my eyes mr. Sutan Amrull. A wonderful make up artist and gorgeous asian gay (damn) who's already 34 but doesn't look like that at all xP

I freakin love him and his art.

I'm just a bit scared if people will be asking about my inspirators in their interviews.. and most of mine are eccentric gays xD

"SUCK IT IN!!!!~~"

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bossu's going boring. again.

October 18 [Sat], 2008, 10:45

turbut dali savo entry pradesiu rasyt lietuviskai, nes jau nebegaliu.. jauciuos tiek issunkta, kad neturiu jokio noro bandyt savo mintis isdestyt angliskai, kai net lietuviskai tai padaryti sekasi nekaip.
taigi siandien vaziavom i restorana siauram penkiu zmoniu rate pazymet patevio jubiliejaus. buvom mes tryse ir mano kriksto tevai. pagaliau po menesio jie lyg tarp kitko sumaste, jog reiktu pasveikint ir savo kriksto dukra su pilnametyste ir ibruko man i rankas vokeli. aisku, pries tai seke "mokykis ir nenueik sunkeliais" moralas. po to puse vakaro buvo diskutuojama apie tai, kaip reikia siais laikais diplomo, ir, atrode, jog mano bandymas isikisti i pokalbi, yra bergzdias reikalas. nors jiems ir sakiau, kad neketinu studijuot vien del popieriaus ir isvis su lietuvisku diplomu galima nebent nusivalyt subine, niekas to girdet nenorejo. dar bandziau paaiskint, kad issivysciusiose pasaulio salyse niekas neskuba studijuot, o stengias susivokt, ko nori is gyvenimo, bet visi mano postringavimai buvo sutikti smerkianciais zvilgsniais. man tas pats, elgsiuos kaip man reikia. isvaziuosiu, uzsidirbsiu, tada bandysiu statyt savo gyvenima is naujo, o jau tada galvot apie studijas. bet visos mano viltys, jog galbut mano gimines yra liberaliskesni, ir as netapsiu nuolatiniu apkalbu objektu bei nepatirsiu nezmonisko spaudimo - galutinai isgaravo. taigi vakaras buvo (man) sugadintas. stovedama stoteleje ir nervingai traukdama duma vel suvokiau, kaip as BIJAU. zinau, kad ta baime manes nesustabdys, bet tai nepaguodzia, nes baime yra sudinas jausmas, ir kai supranti, jog ne tik sitie linco teismo metai (suprask - 12kl), bet ir keli ateinantys yra pasmerkti skendeti sudinoj smarvej, rimtai, noris list autobusui po ratais.
dar to betruko, kad si vakara taip pat pajusciau spaudima pagaliau susirast vaikina. what the hell? koks jiems reikalas? susikaupus sau bandau iveikt lekste troskinio (paveiktai sudinumo nuojautos tai sekasi isties nekaip) is kito stalo kampo pajuntu trikdanti krikstamotes zvilgsni. po ju seke ne maziau trikdantys zodziai: "tai gal kada supazindinsi su savo berniuku?". visi kaip susitare nutyla. reakcija: patevis: "ka?" mama (atsisukusi ir pazvelgusi i mane isgastingom "ko as dar nezinau?" akim ir raudonu veidu) "ka..?" as: "KA???ne...neturiu as jokio.. nieko.. neturiu". krikstamote akivaizdziai nusivilia tokiu neintriguojanciu pasakymu, o mama, noredama, kaip visada, dar labiau sugadint reikalus, pradeda pasakot apie Masaki-san, ir kaip mano mociute liepe musu neleist but vieniem mano kambary. nugriaudi juokas. tada krikstamote pradeda destyti savo "isminties perliukus": "tai ka jau cia.. neprisaugosi.. jau geriau kad pas save namuose, o ne kazkur krumuose.. jei nores visada ras progos.." ir prasideda bendras ilgas pokalbis apie "krumus" and other stuff.. nezinau kur det akis.
taigi.. mano gimines naiviai tiki, jog gerai mokausi (o taip laukiu nesulaukiu soko, jiems suzinojus egzu rezultatus (cia tikriausiai zenklas iki to laiko but spejus patept slides i UK)) ir laiko mane beviltiska senmerge. zinot, pasijauciau kaip is kokios Afrikos tauteles, kur gimines pardavineja savo dukras kaip kopustus..

taipogi mano apgailetinasis as vis dar negali nuspresti kaip toliau bendrauti su kai kuriais asmenimis. dievas paliudys - buvau kantri, bet matau, kad zmonem visiskai nusispjaut. buvau sakius, kas man neduoda ramiai miegoti vos ne pazodziui. teliko irasyti viena sumauta varda vietoj daugtaskio, bet arba zmones visiskai degradave debilai arba jie paprasciausiai apsimeta, kad nesupranta. esu linkusi taip nenuvertinti savo draugu (jei juos taip galima vadinti) ir tiketi antraja versija. po velniu, ok.. pasakysiu tiesiai sviesiai:

kaip po velniu galit be menkiausios sazines grauzaties man paziuret i akis, kai mane pazemina ir isduoda asmuo, su kuriuo, beje, BUTENT AS jus ir supazindinau (o taip.. net as darau klaidas), o jus i visa tai reaguojat LYG NIEKO NEBUTU NUTIKE, ir net nesigedyjat rasyt kaip jum smagu leist laika su tuo zmogum. po velniu, jei vadinates draugu, turetumet bent KAZKAIP reaguoti, bet jus patingejot net sumirkset apie tai. taigi tokiu budu as jauciuos gavus skuduru per veida, nes toks elgesys leidzia suprasti "su tavim sitaip slyksciai elgtis galima, mergyt", kas tikrai zeidzia visa mano buti ir likusio orumo nuotrupas.
bet matau, kad beviltiska tai aiskinti (tai cia darau gal 3 karta, bet per pusmeti nepamaciau jokiu pokyciu). nesuprantu tik vieno. arba cia mano arba jusu draugystes, pagarbos ir orumo suvokimas yra cinizmo negriztamai suluosintas.
mane dabar labiausiai nervina tik tai, kad neturiu "kiausu" ir per pusmeti dar nesugalvojau kaip elgtis. viena vakara esu ryztingai pasiruosus visus pasiust velniop ir tepasakyt "taigi.. ji laimejo. galit but patenkinti. as pasitraukiu. daugiau man nebeskambinkit", o kita jau mastau, ar verta viska taip paikai prarasti.. bet kai vel pradedu viska analizuot, man visuomet kyla klausimas - "bet ar tu dar turi ka prarasti?". ar isvis verta vertinti tokius santykius. nes jei niekas nepasikeis, sitie santykiai ar siaip ar taip pasmerkti mano kanciai, nes kartelis del to ivykio man niekada neisnyks. pagaliau kaip galiu kurti ateiti, dainu zodziuose aprasyt savo isgyvenimus, kai zmogus, visokeriopai prisidejes prie tu neigiamu isgyvenimu kurimo, stoves su bosine gitara man is desines?
nezinau kaip jums, bet man tai nepadoriai groteskiska.
kazkoks sudegusiu leliu teatras, jums taip neatrodo?
dabar matau tik dvi iseitis. arba susedus visiem kartu pasisneket, o po to jau mastyt, ka toliau daryt.. arba mano drastiskasis variantas. esme tame, kad nejauciu jokio noro is kitos stovyklos puses apie tai sneketis. jauciu tik vieni dideli sumauta abejinguma, todel manau, kad diplomatiskasis variantas yra kiek naivokas.

erm.. jau tuoj 5h ryto. vaizdai man jau kuris laikas plaukioja monitoriui (o ne maziau smegeninej - mano mintys), todel baigiu savo nevertingus svaiciojimus, kuriu vis vien nieks neskaitys. neketinu nieko redaguot, nes einu velniop... uoj t.y. - miegot.

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溺れる魚

October 16 [Thu], 2008, 4:59

Please mother I can't take it anymore
No matter how long I wait I break down and cry The moment I close my eyes
Daddy I can't breathe
No matter how much I cry The water is filling my lungs

"Forgive me" I ask of God There's nothing left but to pray
"Help me" I ask of God There's nothing left but to pray

Please mother I have to leave before they find me
My hands are shaking, I spill the milk
Daddy I can't breathe
A violent pain is filling my body

"Forgive me" I ask of God There's nothing left but to beg
"Help me" I ask of God There's nothing left but to beg

The moment before jumping down My nerves are torn apart by self-condemnation
The water tub is turning round and round The water tub is turning round and round
Suicide pointing to the end of distress Isn't it so, mother?

Please The same nightmare again Makes me convulse Blood is spurting out The moment I'm lifted up
Darling A black sea of blood I'm sinking deeper and deeper To be awakened by the cries of birds

"Forgive me" I ask of God There's nothing left but to pray
"Help me" I ask of God There's nothing left but to pray

My nerves are torn apart by a crushing self-condemnation
I'm drowning in a pool of jelly I'm drowning in a pool of jelly
A pair of scissors pointing to the bounds of distress Isn't it so, mother?

~眞呼

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tired

October 16 [Thu], 2008, 4:37

I'm sick of everything. And I'm tired of all those "why you're not saying anything? why do you stand like that? why do you have this face?"

just back off! Maybe I just DON'T HAVE WHAT TO SAY AT THAT MOMENT. stop judging me all the time and tell me how I have to act. I'm not a clown to entertain you all the time. give me some god damn space. I'm tired of acting who I'm not just because to avoid your stupid comments. let me be the way I trully am for once. Now I'm really annoyed of every person coz I'm sick of acting the way I'm not all the time. If you're my true friend then accept me like that.
Like today.. I was just being quiet and then I felt an uncomfortable silence. Like everyone think that I'm mad and keep quiet too. It's just.. every people act with me like this.. or sometimes at school people start blaming me that I'm mad or jealous or something just because my face was not the way they wanted. oh fuck you I'm not your doll.
I'M TI-RED!

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n_n

October 13 [Mon], 2008, 2:42

After coming back from voting I took some lame pics of myself.

Mako's book ftw!! <3

Kaji's gift - a dressing-gown which I love *w*

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scans

October 13 [Mon], 2008, 2:33

I scanned a few pics for ya.
gooosh deadman are so funny!!!

LOL @ the first pic :D and in the very bottom aie beats Toki. I'm just very sad that the quality is so bad >_>" the paper is like that one on mangas and the scanner + yaplog make a mess of it ToT

and this one was for Kajitoku. A few pics of "additional cause for sorrow" pv making:

I'm so sorry again for the quality. Maybe I even shouldn't post such crappy pics ToT

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