June 10 [Fri], 2005, 23:50
June 07 [Tue], 2005, 17:00
I couldn't talk to him with watching his eyes at first, 'cause I didn't wanna be hurt any more. However I got along with him little by little. He explained me the reason he felt bad that night, and we could make up. I'm sure we'll have lots of miscommunication each other, but I hope everytime we can respect our lover and do our best to understand what the lover mean and to explain what we mean sweetly. Otherwise it's impossible to keep sharing life for us. Yes, we are challenging everyday.
One step I felt nice as a couple was to decide our grocery budget, we pay $25 each for dinner every week. I agreed with his proposal. I don't wanna say about money too much, but it's very very important to live together. Especially I didn't know how I think of the sharemate, actually I tried to think he was my guest. That's why I sometimes cooked dinner for him by all grocery I bought, and said to him that he could use my all stuff I have. It was not good for me, 'cause he was not my guest. If I didn't change my mind, I would be tired too much. By making our budget, we'll feel our life more comfortable!
June 06 [Mon], 2005, 23:00
We had never talked since the second quarrel,'cause I had still escaped from him. Only one thing I had was sending him e-mail this morning. I have my PC in my room so we can check each mails everyday. The reason I mailed was that I could say what I want exactly because of just one way. I didn't wanna feel inferior to him when I talked in English face to face because I was Japanese anymore. What I said was as follows.
*asking how was his work today
*I was hurt last night
*being normal to misunderstand between us, but I wanna try to do my best
*giving me spport(help, hug, heartful words), when I'm confused
Anyway I wanted to say,"I wanna get along with you, 'cause I love you!"maybe.
When I came home late because I didn't wanna see him, he was sleeping as I expected.
And then I found the message from him on the table! I got it and read it with excitement!
I'm sorry I'm asleep. I read your e-mail, it was very sweet and I agree with the things you said... I'm sorry I could not explain myself better last night. I had a lot of time to think today, and I hoped I would see you tonight. Let's talk tomorrow. Love Mark xx"
I was so moved that almost cried. The first message from him made my heart warm. I felt we could understand each other very much for the first time. Mark, thanks for giving me your love, I'll try to talk to you tomorrow!
June 05 [Sun], 2005, 19:30
We had a kind of quarrel today, when I came home. It was the second time to make us feel bad at each other. The cause was my delusion of persecution last time, I think. I said to him, "I don't wanna be your housekeeper!", because I was really tired and confused to share the room. I had never have experiences to live together, that's why I thought I had to do everything for him. But he answered," I never asked you to do everything for me, and I did wash my clothes and make a lunch by myself! I don't need the person who takes care of me!" I apologized to him the sameday.
However, the cause was my English, words and expression I told him in this time. Anyway I couldn't tell him what I mean correctly, nor he couldn't explain the mistake of my English, neither. After saying"You demand a lot.", he left the room. I didn't mean to demand, just reminded him something to do for me he said. I was too shocked to talk to him, actually got afraid to say anything to him, because I didn't want him to think I demanded too much. This dread made me escape from our place, so I went out in spite of nowhere to go. I realized my English was not good enough to go out with English speakers. To understand each other was really hard and needed patiences between us.
June 01 [Wed], 2005, 0:00