For fuck sake 

January 15 [Sun], 2017, 15:44
For fuck sake I understand that I upset you.
That much is pretty fucking clear.
But don't try and dig and disrespect my beliefs while half ass apologizing for it.
I love you, I truly do.
But what the flying fuck, do you actually think your doing??
Piss me off the same way I did you??
Is that all there is to it??
You wanted to leave??
Guess what if you keep pushing this bull shot and I'll leave for you mother fucker.

New Journey 

January 10 [Tue], 2017, 13:37
The new journey.
Yesterday, I found out my monetary issue was not in order for school.
I was basically screwed over ( Via Self)
It sucks, it really does.
Because I enjoy school, but...
I may have needed this break.
I will work hard to reach my goal.

The good thing is that i still get to chug along with my dream.

Also, I may have a chance to leave my horrid job.
Its not by any means a step up, but if i could keep it,
It will come in handy when I got back to school.

Good luckme

Hey hey hey 

January 06 [Fri], 2017, 11:53
So... I haven't written in a while, but
There has been a a lot going on...

Well, its the new year.
And can you believe it
I got me a job!!
It was through my old boss, (small timer)
But I am back at it at the front end...
Not too happy, but hey!
Its a start,
I start school so soon, I can hardly blink.

I been having not so great days, and Awesome days.

My mom started the new year with an awful dream,
Which we desperately hope will never come true.

My man has been lovely dovey to me.

And I got a new job.

Today however, has been kind of shitty.

I had to wake up super early which is so not my cup of tea.
And my new... yeah know.. isn't great.
This person is either really shy, or a huge cunt.
I can't decide which one yet,
I hope its the first option, if not I am in for a hell of a ride.

I did however, walk in to a sketchy situation,
I guess the current head honcho is leaving,
And they have no clue as to who, is going to take over.

Fear not, I will shortly have my ideal back in my life again.
I really hope we can have the relationship we had before back in my life!
I need it, desperately!!!

This person has been my rock through school life,
And personal!!
I love you!!
And most of all
SOO much respect.
Just a huge blessing in my life.

That being said I am now closer to my dream.
I really hope this job pans out, if not something else to come along,
Because I am in need of money.
Like lots of it.
And if, only IF I could stay here...
I am GOLDEN!!!

So, let's prey I will.
Not that I believe in GOD, but hey
Praying never hurt anyone.



December 31 [Sat], 2016, 12:26
Oh, 2016.
You were a rough one.
A lot things happened this year.
Well, better start counting them down.
1) I quit my job.
Due to stress, and panic attack, I left a place where I had a family.
I met my man there, made family, yet the job got the best of me.
And this is where it started to spiral out of control

2) I got caught in a shittier job.
Started as a housekeeper, and right to the front.
Worked my ass off for nothing. Nothing.
Put a huge dent in my relationship.
It pisses me off more than the top subject.

3) I met my man family.
The non-crazy side.
Got to see Colorado, which was beautiful.
Loved every min of it.

4) Got in to a University.
Instead of wasting my time.
Which was the correct thing to do at the time.
Went to a private school, cause that was my only option in this town.

5) Got a job, and screwed over.
Used, and abused.
On the bright side I got to leave my shit job.

6) Hit a massive brick wall.
I hated my school, my professors, and major.
It hurt, but luckily I found a new one rather quickly.

7) Step towards the dream.
I took a step towards my dream since high school.
It felt really good.
Since I struggled so much before, that it was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
It made me more of a positive person.
For a little while many way.

8) Had to go back to the shit job.
Got to quit in less than a month thou lol

9) Endless job search.
Still haven't found one yet.

And last but not least.

10) Endless attack from Future Mother in law.
I've only got one word for this bitch.
And that is....
Fuck you, and the nut ass hole you crawled out of.

Looking forward.
I want to be...
I can do this....
I will do this...

I'll make this count!!!

Happy new year!
Good luck AMERICA
You will definitely need it.


December 27 [Tue], 2016, 12:07
I just came back from my trip to my grandpa's house!!
And let me tell you
It was rough
We had to take my dads dog, who is not trained by any means.
Any movement from anyone = bark bark bark.
(He usually has a bark collar, but my dad forgot it at home...)

To top that, we were snowed in.
My grandpa lives in a state next door to us.
And holy bananas, my state, and my grandpas state got completely snowed in.
All the roads in our state was closed,
No shower, no actual entertainment, trapped with family,
I was gonna lose my shit, but my parents beat me to it lmao
They beat me to the punch real quick.

Any how, US is having a one rough year....
2016 when will you stop....

Maybe I'll do a reflection on new years eve...

Anyway, I finally got to our parents house and they couldn't get in due to snow
I saw like 5 cars in the ditch on my own way home...

Rough Christmas that's for sure...

Let all pray for a better luck next year



December 19 [Mon], 2016, 13:08
Its over!!
My days at this current university is over
This is bitter sweet...
Because I loved the people that go there, but I hate the education system.
Well the business department anyway....

I finished all my finals (only 2 )
But I liked my professors for those classes and the people in it.

College is so different, but it is nice.
Because you meet people that is from all over the spectrum.
And as you go further in, you get boxed in with people who are in you major.

I may have hit a brick wall, nor do they have a graphic design department.
They were good to me. (students)

I don't know, it is bitter sweet, Ill miss my little circle.

Tomorrow I register for my classes for the new/old school
Excited, and nervous.

It will be good!!

Good night!!

Is... is this a collar?? 

December 16 [Fri], 2016, 11:23
So last night, I got a little scared....
I revived a letter from my current University (I will be leaving like now)
Saying that I need to sign something about the loan...

I nearly pooed my pants....

Turns out it was just a document and didn't really mean anything...
Oh thank cheesus.

Anyway, last night my man gave me a...
Rope?? he told me to ware it as a bracelet, but its a rope.
That can happened to pull 500lbs.
And I wondered... is... is... is this a collar??
Is he putting a collar on me?
Like a dog collar???

Needless to say it was a weird night.

Oh my cheesus Part 2.0 

December 14 [Wed], 2016, 13:24
So, My excitement for today was shattered...
The only bright side to my story was that I got a good grade on my speech
This week has been a shit show

1) Being terrified I was gonna get in trouble with Plagiarism
2) Big fight with the man
3) Door froze
4) I got rejected for a job

First, I wrote and finished my paper for this speech,
And ran it through the plagiarism scanner for good measure like I always do...
I kept getting hits
I thought it was nothing, fixed it....
12 fucking hits later
Now, I was freaking out, Oh my god...
I fixed, and fixed, and fixed,
Granted the topic was something that was bound to get hit, but come on!!
It wasn't even the important stuff!!
My own freaking words kept getting hit!!
I asked help from my man, and still got hit!!

Many way I turned it in just kind of giving up,
Asking the professor just to get a good grade today,
So it must have not matter too much

Second, oh this post is gonna be a long one....
So, I live in the US if you couldn't guess,
I live in one of the coldest, states
Very Very close to Canada.
And Like I said earlier in the month,
I got snowed in Two weeks in a row,
So bad, my key hole on my door knob froze shut.....

Anyway long story short, I was in a process of fixing this problem
Now, I knew this wasn't gonna get resolved over night,
So, when my man came home I tried to let him in.
And then he proceed to yell at me to close the door.
I did, like a good girl.
And then I heard Water... being umm squirted.
HE, was squirting water into the key hole,
To umm defrost...
Thus, ruining my process... of fixing this problem...
I honestly never felt so angry in this house....

And then, he pretty much proceeded me to umm call me incompetent
Because in his mind, my process was never, EVER gonna fix this
And proceeded to talk to me like I'm a kid....
I was just so angry,
Because I felt like nothing I did was right for this guy,
And nothing mattered....
I nearly left the relationship all together...
I'm gonna give him one for chance...
That's it call me stupid again mother fucker
We are done.

And yes, because of two, the door froze shut in the morning

Any way, since this week has already turned into a shit show,
Why now more, eh?

I had a phone interview,
For a full time position.
I got rejected hard, HARD
Like over in 30 seconds hard.

They knew I was in school.
And then the minute I mention school,
They rejected me


Ugh, oh better yet, this week isn't event over yet....

Fuck me side ways.....


Oh my cheesus!!! 

December 14 [Wed], 2016, 6:35
Omg, Omg, Omg,
I just got a really good grade on a speech that I was ssssoooooo
Worried about and now, there is sense of excitement all over me!!!
I will post like twice today, since a happened since yesterday!!!

Okay wayyy to excited


Something I want to address 

December 13 [Tue], 2016, 11:30
There is something that is kind of bothering me...
It's about what is happening in Japans entertainment world....

Someone I was a fan of way back in the day when I lived in Japan recently got outed by his friend..
His Best Friend if I might add...

This saddens me, and hurts me a great deal.
Not because his gay,
I don't give a flying fuck about that
But the fact that someone he trusted, outed him...
This is hurtful beyond words,

I understand that there is a sigma of being gay, and a actor in Japan,
And to be quite honest it sounds and looks a lot like old Hollywood...
Not that it has changed too much here...

Now you may think I know nothing of Japan, since I write solely in English,
But I was born and raised in Japan...
Yeah, I don't live there NOW, but its my home.

It hurts to hear that he is hurt, he was a great actor and am sure loved every minute of it
This news, NO, the story, hurts me in exactly two ways.
1) The fact that someones living dream was crushed, by greed
2) The betrayal

The fact that someones dream died right in front of our eyes is soul crushing.
Whether you were a fan or not, it must hurt.
And its so evident he is right now, just fucked up somewhere, lost, confused, and crushed.
I... I know how that feels, no I am not gay, and wasn't outed, but I know the feeling of being

I was in high school...
Yeah, I over reacted, but I tried to come to terms, and forgive them..
When it initially happened, I was so hurt I wanted to hide.
But I lived in a such a small town, it was impossible.
So, I did the next best thing, ignore.
But it fucked me up,
I haven't been able to make a solid friend, nor hold a solid friendship since then...
I am 25 fucking years old...
It happened almost 10 freaking years ago...
I am not over it, and I don't know if I ever will....

High school really was a fucked up time of my life,
I was always carrying the fear,
Couldn't tell anyone what was happening, nor, tell my parents how I felt
Not because I was a bratty teenager, but because I honestly felt bad about how I felt.
I didn't want to hurt my parents feelings.
I still don't talk about it.
I never ever, told anyone what happened that day,
They may have already forgotten about it, and I'm stuck here.

This was about the same time my dream died.
I wanted to go to school in Sanfran.
My dad told me NO.
And then I found out I couldn't go anyway.
I was so Crushed I was lost.
I remember faking my way through the friendship just so I could get booze and drink
Drink Drink Drink
Drink till I could feel my heart pound, alive!!

Thankfully fate brought me back to this particular dream.
I may not go to Sanfran for it, but hey!!
Its a step, and that all that matters right now.

I feel bad for him, but I somehow wish he will know that his gonna be okay!!
The story will fade, as many scandals and stories before...

It hurts today, well these few days since the story first broke out.
Good luck kid, its gonna be okay...
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